Round Perdition's Flames Mass Market Version
by Lord Malachite
Summary: Yeah, it's a tad bit late, but it's here, a new chapter, like I promised. I hope you won't be disappointed! ^_^
1. Reflections

'Round Perdition's Flames:  
  
Reflections  
  
Asuka threw herself onto her bed and, settling down now that she was alone, began to  
giggle a little. It was amusing, yet also unnerving, what had just happened to her. She stared  
up at the ceiling and smiled a little. "Not a coward." She said aloud. "Perhaps I've  
underestimated him." Yet if there was one thing she knew, she wouldn't let the commander's son  
throw her life into disarray. She was herself, and she would find a way to handle this. Over  
the years, Asuka had become rather skilled at hiding her true feelings for many different  
people and issues, and this would be no different. Although if there was one thing she didn't  
like about living in Tokyo-3, it was the fact that she had to deal with so many different  
people. Misato was so determined to be a mother to her, yet she had decided to go along with it  
until it no longer proved conveinent. Although Misato could be trying at times, Asuka sensed  
that she was someone that she could talk to should the need ever arise, and that brought her  
some comfort. Besides, Misato knew her past, and even though she occassionally pried a little,  
she only meant well at heart. And since Misato did know about her past, Asuka secretly cut  
Misato a lot more slack than she ever conceivably would to anyone else. Misato was the one  
person she was only willing to push so far. She was also thankful for her friend Hikari, after  
all, someone had to be a buffer zone for the Three Stooges. Even though their relationship  
wasn't exceptionally close, it was all she really had in the way of female friends her age. And  
then, of course. . . "Wondergirl." Asuka said softly. Now she was a piece of work, possibly the  
coldest heart Asuka had ever known, so distant and quiet. So formal. Heck, who was she kidding?  
Her relationship with Rei was pretty much non-existent when she wasn't inside an Eva, and that  
was fine with her. It wasn't as though she wanted anything to do with Wondergirl anyway. That  
left only. . . "Shinji." She sighed. She had a lot of different feelings about him, some  
tender, some angry, all frustrating. He was definitely a special case, often the butt of her  
jokes, and with the exception of today he usually took it all in stride. The kid had a lot of  
potential, and she had to admit that there was something insufferably cute about his weakness.  
This thought caused Asuka to sit up angrily, and she punched her wall. NO! She refused to let  
those kinds of thoughts govern her. Shinji may be a relatively nice guy and all, but he just  
isn't made of the right material for a relationship, much like every other boy in her life.  
Heck, relationships were nothing she needed anyway. What was the sense in getting all close to  
someone who is eventually going to leave you, willfully or no. Either that, or she would have  
to leave, but in either case, the end result was the same. But still. . ."He's. . ." she began  
to say, then rolled her eyes. Different images of the boy began running through her mind, most  
of them amusing to her. From the first time they had met at sea, all the way through  
yesterday's near disaster in the volcano, she had managed to stay one step ahead of him,  
surprising him at every turn, making him blush, getting under his skin, berating him, smiling  
wickedly at him, and generally arguing with him. *All of which I won* Asuka patted herself on  
the back. "He's. . .my punching bag!" She punched the wall again, not very hard this time, and  
smiled. "Yes, yes, that's it." Asuka let out a sigh and slowly sank onto the floor. "I'm so  
glad I got that figured out. I thought that there was something wrong with me for a minute  
there! And if there's something wrong with Sohryu Asuka Langley, then there was something very  
wrong with the world indeed. At least, that was her philosophy, and she was sticking to it,  
damn it! She was the master of her destiny, and she didn't doubt for even a moment her ability  
to stay one step ahead of it. She could defeat Shinji. There was no way that baka could ever  
get under her skin. And if she had to, she knew that she could master him. . .  
  
  
Misato Katsuragi stared at the papers in front of her, then at the half-empty can of  
beer on the table, then back to the papers. "Well, no sense in doing things halfway!" she  
proclaimed to no one in particular, then chugged the rest of her beer. Ah, yes, the good stuff.  
She took another look at the reports, then snorted and quickly pushed them aside. "Ah, the hell  
with it. I didn't take this job to look over Ritsuko's paperwork! If there's one thing I hate,  
it's taking my work home with me!" Misato sighed and walked into the living room, then stepped  
onto the balcony. The sun was going down over Tokyo-3, the city had managed to survive for one  
more day. "Especially when work can start again at a moment's notice!" she called out to the  
buildings below her, half expecting to hear the tell-tale siren of another Angel attack. She  
turned her gaze back towards the apartment. It was quiet. Too quiet, considering the roomates  
she had. Was it possible that Asuka had managed to go twenty minutes without something to  
complain about? "She must be asleep." Misato stepped back into her home and down the hallway,  
leaning her ear up against Asuka's door. She heard the sounds of heavy breathing coming from  
inside. Misato backed away and then returned to her kitchen. "Hmpf. Well, I have more important  
matters to take care of, anyway!" With those words, she opened her fridge, removed another  
beer, and proceeded to suck back. Working for NERV was not without it's share of hard work, as  
anyone would tell you.  
  
  
Shinji was lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling once more. His cheeks burned, but he  
would do something about that later. Thoughts of Rei crept inside of his mind, which puzzled  
him. Here he was, he had just had an electrified conversation with Asuka, had tried his best to  
get through to her, had used physical force on her, and all he could think about was Rei.  
"Wondergirl." He whispered Asuka's sarcastic nickname for the blue-haired Eva pilot. It was  
strange. When he thought of Rei, things were different. He didn't feel like she was his friend,  
he didn't feel like he was interested in her romantically, yet he often couldn't help but think  
of her when his mind wandered. Perhaps it was merely an expression of genuine concern, perhaps  
he was merely going crazy; between piloting Eva and living with Misato and Asuka, he wouldn't  
be at all surprised if the latter were the case. Of course, thinking about Rei usually brought  
up more unpleasant thoughts, ones of his father. How is it that Ayanami manages to maintain  
such a closeness with. . .with my father? Shinji knew that his thoughts were drifting again,  
and he silently refused to go down that dark road. "My father doesn't want to have a  
relationship with me." Shinji clenched his hands into fists. "His loss then." Shinji spoke  
softly, though he knew that no one would hear him anyway. He didn't care. He took a deep breath  
and let it out, refusing to allow himself to be drawn into a maelstrom of negative emotions. He  
was determined to just suck it up and move on. What good was dwelling on it going to do. As of  
late, he had realized that if this was going to be a permanent situation for him, he should try  
to make himself more at home. He knew that Misato was only two willing to mother him to a  
certain point, she had been from the very first day he had arrived in Tokyo-3. She had done her  
best to motivate him to overcome his fears and to stand up for himself. But even then she had  
only been willing to go so far. He remembered that she had eventually run out of patience. "Get  
in." She had commanded, insisting that he pilot Unit-01.  
  
Shinji hung his head for a moment. That particular thought pained him. He hadn't been   
able to get in, not even for Misato. To this day, his conscience bothered him that he had needed  
to be motivated by a guilty conscience. The only thing he took solace in was the thought that  
he hadn't let Rei climb inside the Eva that day. "My first failure." Shinji said, sitting up to  
look at himself in the mirror across from the bed. Indeed it was, at least since he had arrived  
in Tokyo-3. He hadn't been able to stand up to his fears on his own, he had needed to be  
pushed. That thought angered him. He couldn't live his life in fear. Still. . .he was getting  
better. It wasn't so scary to climb inside Unit-01 anymore. In fact, the only frightening thing  
about it was that he was beginning to become used to it.  
  
And then there was Asuka. She was still new to his existence, a new variable that he   
didn't know if he'd ever be able to completely digest, mainly because Asuka kept herself in such  
a constant state of flux. It wasn't easy. But he thought that he had somehow connected with her  
today, even if it was only for a few very brief moments. And that --did-- frighten him. If he  
had managed to breach all of Asuka's barriers, however briefly, it meant that he was becoming  
something he never envisioned himself being. He seldom snapped back at Asuka, he allowed her to  
get away with all the cruel things she did to him, the names she called him. He grinned  
slightly. Perhaps Asuka had been sent to him, for a number of reasons. He wasn't so arrogant to  
think that she was in Tokyo-3 for his sake alone, no. But she was here in this apartment. The  
question was, why? To help him grow stronger? Or was she merely his punishment from God?   
  
He stared at himself in the mirror for a time, he thoughts silent. "I love having her  
here." The words absent-mindedly slipped out of his mouth. Almost immediately after he had said  
them, Shinji slapped a hand over his mouth, embarassed, as though any moment know Misato was  
going to spit out her beer and have a coughing fit, and that Asuka was going to hurl him into  
next Wednesday evening for thinking about her. Then he realized that they weren't here, that no  
one had heard him say that, save himself. "My God." He said aloud. "Is that. . .really true?"  
Was it? Had this fiery red-head managed to penetrate so deeply? Through all of her cruelty, had  
she only succeeded in heightening his curiosity? It was all very strange to the young Ikari boy  
indeed. "Damn." That one, minor curse summed up all of Shinji's feelings quite nicely at the  
moment. It was all almost too much. He needed an escape. If there was one thing that he didn't  
want to think about anymore, it was the details and complexities of his life. They would all be  
waiting for him as soon as he opened his door again, or whenever Misato or Asuka decided it was  
time to disturb his privacy. Shinji reached for his SDAT player, put his headphones on, and hit  
the play button. But as he lay down on the bed again and resumed his meticulous examination of  
his now familiar ceiling, a small smile passed through him, inwardly. He had managed to breach  
all of Asuka's barriers once. A smirk spread over his face. She was going to be watching   
herself a lot more closely around him, now. If he ever hoped to break through a second time, he  
was going to need a plan. And this time, he was going to throw her more off-balance. The first  
time he had done it, it had taken physical violence. That was one road he refused to take ever  
again, no matter what she said or did to him. The next time, it was going to take something  
more subtle. Some way of getting to the real her that she wouldn't quite be aware of until he  
was already there. And preferably, something that could make her put aside her pride and  
arrogance and see that this might be a risk worth taking. Some way to make her believe that if  
the two of them genuinely became partners, there would be no Angel that could stand against  
them. "But. . .how can I ever have that kind of courage." He was right. How was he going to go   
about this? He couldn't just walk right up to Asuka and convey these things to her. Hell, even   
if he could, she would never give him the chance to finish, assuming he even got a word in to  
begin with. She would push him awayt as quickly as possible now, he realized. He had managed to  
break through her defenses, and he knew that as soon as she had completely recovered, trying to  
have a conversation with her was going to be more difficult than ever. She was going to be  
coming at him guns blazing. Asuka would probably be able to push him away faster than he would  
be able to run away from anything, and that was no small feat. He had overheard Misato speak of  
a situation known as the Hedgehog's Dilemma once, and now he was beginning to truly understand  
it. He had quickly figured out that he was supposed to be a hedgehog in that illustration, but  
it suddenly dawned on him that Asuka was one as well. There was a fundamental difference  
between them, however. Shinji was more inclined to run away from other people, while Asuka  
preferred to drive them away. It was becoming complicated. Shinji had known that this was not  
something that he could do overnight, but additional Walls of Jericho semed to keep popping up  
before him. "Damn." He muttered again. It wasn't fair. Why did it have to be her? The thought  
of this situation with Rei in Asuka's role occupied his mind for a moment. Shinji had to admit  
that Rei wouldn't have been quite so difficult to work with. Although she was downright  
strange, and usually very quiet, Shinji knew that she operated on precise logic. All he would  
have to do would be to convice her that this was a beneficial idea, and she would be onboard.  
With Asuka, he first had to find a way to worm himself into a position where he could even  
begin to explain all of this to her. He laughed to himself. He hadn't even figured out what  
"this" exactly was yet! But whenever he was with Asuka, he felt a sense of peace inside, even  
though there were large fronts of hostility being directed at him. And, of course, she could  
make him feel very uncomfortable at a moment's notice. All it took was one of her patented  
slaps. "Or an explanation of thermal expansion." He giggled, but at the same time he felt a   
wave of determination sweep over him. Asuka was a storm, a genuine hurricane. She raged at all  
those around her, but that same rage became very useful once she put on a plug suit and stepped  
inside Unit-02. "If she's the hurricane. . ." he mused, "then that makes me the eye." And that  
was it. That was the key. He would become the eye of her storm. The hardest part now would be  
working his way into this position. But if it could be done, perhaps without her even realizing  
it, then that would be all there was to it.  
  
Shinji mentally scolded himself for continuing his thoughts, he had meant to put them  
away after he had put his headphones on, but they had persisted at any rate. Fine, so be it. He  
only hoped he could bring himself not to run away when the time came. After all, many ideas  
look great on paper, but they're a lot harder to put into practice. Now that he had some sort  
of battle plan, he had to force himself to muster up enough courage the next time he  
encountered Asuka. He couldn't allow her to push him away so easily, yet at the same time he  
couldn't go up against her too much, at least, not at first. That would only serve to increase  
Asuka's attacks, and it would also raise suspicions around Misato and his other classmates.  
"There are always complications, but there are always possibilities as well." Yes. If he could  
just be persistent, if he could just be patient, he was sure that he could gain a lot of  
confidence and also start to wear Asuka down just a bit. A vision of the girl in question came  
into his head, and he felt a peace come over him. This Asuka couldn't smack him, or call him an  
idiot, or a pervert, or any other insult she cared to hurl at him. Track 25 ended and Shinji  
turned on his side to take a nap. He was at peace, he was at calm. As he began to drift off  
into the land of dreams, he passed into sleep knowing that he was prepared to chase Asuka to  
the four corners of the Earth and 'round Perdition's flames. . . . . . .  
  
  
End Part I  
  
Yes, I know, some of you are probably thinking that Shinji is a bit OOC. Perhaps he is, but  
please be advised that I am going somewhere with all of this. All will be revealed as I   
continue this little excursion, I promise, so please be patient with me. Things should begin to  
become more clear in the next installment. Also, I do apologize if this was heavy on the  
thoughts but very light on things happening. I know that there wasn't any character  
interaction, but then, that was the point of this piece, simple reflections of the main  
characters. As such, I realize that this willnot meet with everyone's likings, but I do feel  
that your patience will be well rewarded.  
  
But please, as always, tell the author how he is doing. Even if you loathe and despise it!  
E-mail Lord Malachite at ranger_writer@yahoo.com Thanks for your time!  
  
************************************************************************  
Standard Fanfic Legal Lambada Type Thing--I don't have anything to do with Neon Genesis  
Evangelion. I didn't produce it, I didn't create it, and I don't pretend to have! This series  
is copyright by Gainax, A.D.V. Films holds the rights to the English Language Version. The  
author makes no claim whatsoever to any of the characters or the setting contained within this  
work, merely the situation in which they have been placed. Standard disclaimers apply. No  
substitutions, exchanges, or refunds. Batteries not included. Some assembly required. Your  
mileage may vary. Cannot be combined with any other offer. Thanks you've all been a great  
crowd, don't forget to tip your servers on the way out. Amen.  
  
  
  



	2. Fire on High

Round Perdition's Flames   
  
Part II  
  
"Fire on High"  
  
  
--Friday/Early Saturday--  
  
  
The remainder of Friday night passed rather uneventfully. Misato spent her time going  
through Ritsuko's paperwork, but it was doubtful that much was accomplished in that apartment,  
seeing as how Misato managed to celebrate completing each page by having another beer. Shinji  
and Asuka spent the better part of the evening in their rooms, doing their best to avoid each  
other. So far, their attempts had met with success. So somewhere around twenty after two in the  
morning, Shinji Ikari finally decided to risk stepping back out into the apartment. He was  
already angry at himself for spending all of Friday evening in his room. For once, he had  
planned to do something different, but it just hadn't worked out for him. "I'm going out  
there." he said to himself, then quietly slid his door open and peeked outside. It was dark,  
but there was some light coming from the kitchen. Shinji quickly realized it could only be  
Misato. Well, she was nothing to worry about. Even if Misato decided that now was the perfect  
time for him to sit down and tell her about his troubles, that he could take it in stride. So  
long as he didn't have to face Asuka just yet, everything would be cool. Come the morning, he  
would be ready to talk to Asuka.  
  
Stepping out of his room, Shinji slunk into the hallway and tip-toed down the hallway to  
the bathroom. On his way, he noticed the dark hallway was gradually becoming more well-lit. As  
he arrived at the bathroom door, he saw the source of this light in a yellow beam that was  
protruding from beneath the door to Asuka's room, and also spilling out the side. Shinji held  
his breath and pressed himself against the wall. Asuka's door was cracked open, and, leaning  
over, he peered inside. He saw Asuka standing in front of her bureau, admiring herself in the  
mirror. She had her infamous yellow sundress on, and a smile adorned her face, as she lightly  
spun herself around.  
  
Shinji withdrew for a moment and slowly let out his breath, then took in another sip of  
air. He had never seen Asuka like this before. She looked almost giddy, like a small child  
pretending to be grown up. Casually, Shinji wondered if she was thinking about Kaji. He turned  
back and peeked into the red-head's room again. She was now leaning forward, her arms extended  
on her dresser, smiling at herself in the mirror. How often had he seen her smile? They were  
few and far between, seemingly reserved for special occasions. She had a beautiful  
smile. Shinji blushed.  
  
The girl arose and spun herself around once more. "Spectacular." He whispered. He was  
right. Maybe in the grand scheme of things, this would only be a short moment in his existence,  
but he wanted to remember it. A corner of his mind reminded him to breathe, and he did, very  
carefully, for Shinji knew that if he was discovered, he was a dead man, plain and simple.  
Shinji silently wondered what would have happened had he peeked inside and found Asuka  
changing. He probably would have had a heart attack. Though there was no one around to be  
embarrassed by, Shinji's cheeks flushed a deep red, and for a moment he thought that he was  
going to get a nosebleed. Somehow, he managed to hold himself in check. It pained the boy to  
see such beauty, so close to him and yet so unattainable. As she spun, she was perfection. She  
was light, and beauty, she was the image in his mind. He had read in some novels what it was  
like to have experiences like this, to see something so perfect, beyond the reaches of this  
world. Mere words did it no justice. It hurt, to know that all he might ever have was a mental  
image in his mind. Had he not been so close to Asuka's room, he might have banged his head  
against the wall a few times. How was he ever supposed to win her? Was he destined to live so  
cruel an existence? To always look on helplessly as happiness lay just out of his reach, as it  
had for most of his life? It wasn't fair. Why? Why did it have to be her? He shook his fist at  
the ceiling as though he expected a response. Even after the Second Impact, there was still a  
great many women on the planet. So why, out of all the women on this God-forsaken planet, was  
he slowly but most assuredly falling for this one? Shinji chalked it up to his punishment for  
all those Angels he'd help to do in. But then, wasn't that a paradox? Because if he hadn't  
become an Eva pilot, Asuka never would have come into his life. Abruptly, Shinji cut off this  
train of thought. If he dwelled on it, he might never sleep again. What was done, was done, the  
only place to go now was forward. He took one last look at Asuka, who seemed quite pleased with  
herself. She jumped up onto her bed and flopped out across it, grinning into her mirror all the  
while, and making faces at it. She was happy. Perhaps she used her room for the same type of  
refuge from the world that he did. Inside of it, she couldn't be hurt. Shinji recalled his own  
feelings of private invincibility he felt within his room. He hadn't found much solace there  
when he had first arrived in Tokyo-3, but now it did feel like home to him.  
  
With much effort, he tore himself away from the scene in front of him and plodded back  
to the bathroom, closing the door behind him. He didn't care if it was the middle of the night,  
right now he needed a shower. Shinji ran the water, getting it to a nice, hot temperature,  
before removing his clothing and jumping in. The water was a bit hot, but after a moment it  
felt very relaxing. He let the stream fall over his hair, to make sure that he got the thorough  
experience. He then leaned up against the wall of the shower, letting the water run down his  
back and into the drain.  
  
Why? He turned his head upwards. "You could have given me something a little easier! One  
step at a time and all that! But nooooo, you send me out to go kill a bear with nothing but a  
pointy stick!" His words probably carried a little, but he was not overly concerned about  
Misato or Asuka hearing him. "She'll probably maul me." He added as an afterthought. With the  
door closed, it was rather unlikely. Slowly, Shinji sank down onto the floor, the water pouring  
over him. A feeling of hopelessness washed over him. Earlier, he had felt sure that with time,  
he could work his way into a position where he could convince her that as crazy as it sounded,  
the two of them could form a wonderful partnership. . .and something even greater. But now,  
taking one look at Asuka in all her glory, he felt that he could never pull it off. He reached  
for the bottle of shampoo that rested on the edge of the shower and squirted some into the palm  
of his hand. He rubbed it through his hair, some of it streamed downward, and a little got into  
his eyes.  
  
"Augh!" he began to feel the burning sensation, and instinctively ran his face under the  
hot water, which didn't feel much better, but it did begin to alleviate the irritation in his  
eyes. Shinji reached for the temperature control and turned the cold water up a bit. Too far,  
in fact, as now he felt a shiver run over him. Satisfied that the water was out of his eyes,  
Shinji turned the water temperature back up and leaned backwards, until his back pressed  
against the wall of the shower stall. Angered, he looked up towards the spigot that rained its  
liquid down over him. "No!" his face took on a determined expression. "I'm not going to give up  
before I even start! I. . .I mustn't run away! Not now!" The water spigot stared back at him,  
unchanging, still pumping out water with the same force it had been moments earlier. "Not this  
time! You hear me!" Yes, that was it. Look at things from a more logical standpoint. Asuka was  
not unattainable. Certainly, she was not going to be an easy mark. Where Shinji was concerned,  
a woman who threw herself at him wasn't an easy mark. But he could do this. He could. He would.  
He had too. For once in his life, he was going to take a chance. If he tried and failed, at  
least he would know that it wasn't because he was a coward. The time for hiding was over. If he  
was going to pursue Asuka, he was going to have to be willing to be hurt. More than once.  
Shinji stood up, turned the water off, and began drying himself. Yes, his path was clear now.  
Inwardly, Shinji knew that the real trial by fire would come when he was actually interacting  
with Asuka. It was easy to act brave by yourself, it was another thing entirely not to lose  
your nerve with others around. He needed a battle plan. As he ran the towel through his hair,  
the first wave came to him. Be nice to her. "Be nice. . .to Asuka?" Yes, be nice to Asuka. He  
didn't have to bow down and kiss her feet, no. Shinji blushed just a tad thinking of bowing  
down in front of Asuka and kissing her foot. No, he wasn't that far gone. Driving that picture  
out of his mind, he thought about how he should go about being nice to her. He could cut back  
on their usual morning banter. He could do her chores. He could compliment her. No, wait,  
strike that last one. If he complimented her, she might accuse him of staring at her and call  
him a pervert. He didn't want to ruin things before he started. Best to stick to the first two  
for the time being. He would make her breakfast everyday, even if it did cost him some sleep.  
From Shinji's point of view, every morning Asuka could leave for school with non-Misato food in  
her was a positive one. The same for him as well. Yes, these were things that Asuka could not  
possibly find something wrong with. "Don't forget lunch." An inner voice told him. True, he  
should make sure that he packed her a wonderful lunch everyday. Perhaps he could secretly learn  
to make some foods that stemmed from Asuka's homeland.  
  
With a slight smile on his face, Shinji climbed back into his clothes and headed for the  
kitchen. He had already screwed up his sleep schedule anyway, but from the looks of things,  
Asuka had as well. He decided that the best thing to do would be to stay up all night now, and  
go to bed tomorrow evening to get back on track.  
  
  
  
Asuka gazed upon herself in the mirror. A smile spread across her lips, parting them and  
revealing her white teeth. She hadn't really looked at herself in a long time. She had no need  
to. She may have been up on fashion, but it was not often that she found herself truly capable  
of enjoying it. Far too often she had had to abandon one of her more appealing outfits for a  
plug suit.  
  
The thought of her plug suit triggered the unpleasant memory of that ridiculous getup  
she had donned when she had gone magmadiving for Angels. Asuka repressed a shudder and centered  
her thoughts on something else. The volcano mission had largely been a failure. She hadn't been  
able to recover the Angel, and she had nearly lost both her Eva and her life in the bargain. If  
baka-Shinji hadn't gone in after her, it would have been lights out. Another less than  
appealing thought came to her, namely, would anyone have really cared? She had certainly gone  
out of her way to alienate just about everyone she had come into contact with in Tokyo-3. A  
corner of her heart secretly hoped that Kaji would have mourned her passing. Indeed, he  
probably would have, just not to the extent that Asuka would have liked him to. Misato would  
probably have been the most grief stricken, and that drew a snort from Asuka. "She'd probably  
drink herself under the table." But she would get over it. Granted, Misato knew things about  
her, and she was grudgingly the person she had played it the most straight with since she had  
arrived here. But was that enough?  
  
"No." Was all she could bring herself to say. It wasn't enough. But she had been living  
like this for as long as she could remember, so what did it matter? Though sometimes, while  
alone with her thoughts, she did wish she had someone to share them with, she knew that it  
could never be. She couldn't trust someone like that. She sighed to herself. She knew she never  
gave anyone half a chance to prove themselves, but what could she do? It was better this way.  
At least this way she couldn't get hurt, couldn't be left. Once, not too long before she had  
come to Tokyo-3, Asuka had made herself a list of all the people she felt she had hurt in some  
way. She had kept it hidden, taking out on occasion to go over all of the names on it. On the  
day she had departed, she ripped the paper into shreds and vowed never to look back. From that  
point on, she separated herself. There were two Asuka's now. The Asuka everyone knew and didn't  
love, and the Asuka that she only took out when she was sure that no one else was watching. The  
smile she wore ran away from her. She was slowly but surely losing touch with the private  
Asuka, the --real-- Asuka. Glancing around her room, to be absolutely certain that nobody was  
secretly spying on her, she let a few tears flow down her cheeks, but quickly wiped them away.  
She was scared. The real her was dying. It wouldn't be long now, maybe a year and a half or so,  
at most. But there was nothing she could do. The only thought that brought some comfort was the  
fact that in her line of work, there was no guarantee that she would be alive that long anyway.  
  
She stood up from the bed and steeled herself. She had felt sorry for herself long  
enough. She wasn't weak. She couldn't afford to be weak. She was too proud for that. If there  
was one thing she never wanted, it was pity. She couldn't respect herself if people pitied her.  
She was the designated pilot of Unit-02. She was responsible for defending humanity. Although  
she was fully aware that she was not the only Eva pilot, she liked to think that this was so.  
Life had taught her at an early age that she could not depend on others. She hadn't been that  
naive for a long time. Cautiously, apprehensively, she relieved her body of the yellow  
sundress. Asuka began rummaging through her dresser, trying to decide what she would wear that  
evening. No need for anything special, she had no intentions of leaving this apartment, not at  
this hour. She saw a pair of silk pajamas, but decided against them. Those were more proper for  
a special occasion, though Asuka could not think of any event she would ever be involved in  
that would warrant silk pajamas. She wasn't big on slumber parties, she much preferred the  
comfort of her own bed and her private thoughts late at night. Eighteen hours of her day  
belonged to the world, damned if she was going to give anyone the other six. That was the way  
things were meant to be, in her book. Now if she could just manage to convince both the Angels  
and NERV of this ideal, she would be all set.  
  
Asuka cursed herself for falling asleep earlier. Her sleep schedule was in enough  
disarray as it was, this incident certainly wouldn't help. What she wouldn't give for a normal,  
full night's sleep of eight hours, with no nightmares to haunt her, no Angel attacks to disturb  
her. It wasn't very fair. Life was not very fair. In fact, fair was a pretty useless term to  
describe things when it came to life and the world. If she wanted things to be fair, then she  
was going to have to wait until she was dead. Until that time, she would muddle through. So  
far, she hadn't been doing all that bad of a job.  
  
Selecting a simple white bathrobe, Asuka slipped into it, tying the band tightly around  
her waist. She reached under her bed, and, finding her slippers, shuffled them onto her feet,  
then proceeded to make her way to the kitchen. Maybe Misato was still awake.  
  
  
  
"Misato."  
  
"Grgggggzzzzzzzz." Came Misato's only reply. Shinji had found her passes out, her head  
on the kitchen table.  
  
"C'mon, Misato, get up! You can't sleep here! You need to get into bed!"  
  
"Huuuurrrzzzzzzz" Misato followed up her "statement" with a snore.  
  
Unnoticed, Asuka slunk into the kitchen and joined Shinji, which made the boy jump about  
two feet into the air. "Shhhhhhh!" Asuka shushed him, knowing that he was just about to shout  
from the shock. "What's wrong with Misato? Did she pass out?"  
  
"Uh. . . I. . .I think so. . ."  
  
A wolfish grin spread across Asuka's face. "Wunderbar."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Never mind, just stand back and watch an old pro." Asuka cleared her throat, then bent  
down next to Misato's ear and began whispering into it. "Misaaaaaatoooooooo" she whispered in  
an angelic voice that all but suited the expression on her face.  
  
"Grzzzzzz."  
  
"Ritsuko and Kaji came by to see yooooooou. . .I told them you were asleep."  
  
Misato snorted.  
  
"Yeah, so anyway, she and Kaji are going out all night together. Kaji said not wait up  
for them. You know, if it doesn't work between them, then Kaji says I'm all his. . ."  
  
Shinji resisted the urge to snort himself. Somehow, it sounded like Asuka was indulging  
in a heavy dose of wishful thinking, with a side of delusions to go with it. He only wished  
someone would feed her a piece of humble pie for dessert.  
  
"Huhwhazzatjerk?" Misato inquired all at once, opening her eyes halfway and partly  
lifting her head off the table.  
  
Shinji and Asuka exchanged a glance, each hoping the other had a translation for  
Drunkenese. "So, you're awake." Asuka observed. "You do realize that if you're going to get  
drunk and then pass out, your bedroom is a much more ideal location to do so, hmpf!"  
  
"I thought I heard you say something about Kaji. . .that jerk!" Misato quickly added.  
  
"Ooooh! Misato was dreaming about Kaji!!!"  
  
"I was not! I was just. . .dreaming about a board meeting and he was there. Yeah!"  
  
"Sure you were. . .now are you going to go to bed?"  
  
"What time is it?" Misato asked, putting a hand to her head.  
  
"It's. . .2:40" Shinji added.  
  
"2:40! What the hell are you kids doing up?! You have school in the morning! There had  
damn well better be an Angel attack!"  
  
"We have school tomorrow? No, it's Saturday tomorrow!" Shinji yelled.  
  
Asuka's face turned red. "Ach! Mein gott! How could I have forgot! Tomorrow is a  
Saturday session day!"  
  
"But. . .I took a nap and now I'm not tired. I kinda just woke up. . ." Shinji replied  
sheepishly.  
  
Asuka turned to Shinji and pointed a finger at him. "I did the same thing. This is all  
your fault, baka! If you weren't such a fool, this wouldn't have happened!"  
  
"I seem to recall you having a part in this!" replied Ikari, raising his voice.  
  
"What --are-- you talking about?" asked a puzzled Misato.  
  
"Nothing." The two children replied in unison.  
  
"I don't think I even want to know. Look, I don't care what you do, but I've got an  
early morning tomorrow, so whatever it is, no fighting! And if you are going to fight, then at  
least take it elsewhere."  
  
Asuka grimaced. "You want us to go out? At this hour? Are you insane?"  
  
"It's Friday night." Misato yawned. "Something will be open. Or do you think that you  
two can go a few hours without screaming at each other?"  
  
Shinji was about to accept this challenge, after all, it would give him a chance to  
implement the first phase of his little plan, but Asuka got the first word in.  
  
"You can't be serious! That would be like asking you to stop drinking!"  
  
"Hey! That's a cheap shot! All right, that's it, I want you kids out of here! Don't come  
back 'til breakfast!"  
  
"Misato!" Shinji protested. "What are we supposed to do for the next four and a half  
hours?"  
  
"Go bowling! See a flick! Find an all night arcade! Watch the grass grow! But whatever  
you do, don't do it here!"  
  
"You're serious!" Asuka gaped.  
  
"Yes, I am. Now shoo! Off with you! I have to be up in four hours! You can come back to  
get your things for school. Frankly, you should be thankful! Most kids would kill for their  
guardians to push them out of the house at almost three in the morning on a schoolnight!"  
  
Shinji couldn't respond to that one. She had a point. Toji would be envying him to no  
end come tomorrow morning. He sighed. "C'mon Asuka, I think they're doing an all-night movie  
downtown."  
  
Asuka surrendered to their sentence, but not to her companion. "Idiot! I can't go  
outside wearing this!" She gestured to her bathrobe.  
  
"Just hurry up, will you?" Misato said in a frustrated voice, taking a beer out of the  
fridge.  
  
"Scheisse." Was the muttered reply she received as Asuka disappeared into her room.  
  
"Um. . .Misato. . .are you feeling okay?" asked Shinji.  
  
"Yeah. Hey, Shinji?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
Misato lowered her voice. "I. . .well. . .I kind of noticed that you two have been  
avoiding each other tonight. . .and I was wondering. . .did it. . .have anything to do with  
this afternoon?  
  
Shinji blushed profusely. "Augh! You mean. . .you saw. . .?"  
  
Misato nodded. "Shinji, you aren't having. . .you know. . .feelings for her. . .are  
you?"  
  
At this point, Shinji decided that it would be better to turn his face than let Misato  
see him blush anymore. He wanted to lie, but he knew that Misato would be able to tell if he  
was lying.  
  
"I knew it!" Misato tried not to get to excited.  
  
"You. . .you're not angry?"  
  
"Shinji. . .one of the reasons I brought Asuka here was because I knew that she would be  
good for you. Because she's so different than you, and so aggressive, I figured her presence  
would help you to become more assertive. But. . .I do confess. . .I was secretly hoping that  
this sort of thing might happen. It's really a good setup."  
  
"Misato!" Shinji yelped, then put a hand over his mouth and began whispering.  
"Then...this was all planned."  
  
"No. You can't plan things like this, Shinji. You just have to let them happen. All I  
did was provide an environment which. . .well, let's just say that you can plant a seed, and  
give it plenty of light, water, and fertilizer, but you can't make it grow. So, you're becoming  
infatuated with Asuka, eh?"  
  
"Well. . .y-yes." Shinji hesitated, but confirmed Misato's suspicion.  
  
"I have to tell you Shinji, in all honesty, that this isn't going to be easy." Misato  
sighed. "This is the flip side of the coin. You can't romance Asuka like you can any other  
girl."  
  
"I-I know."  
  
"And. . .she's liable to hurt you in the morning. Shinji. . .sooner or later you're  
going to have to tell her. . .and. . .well, just try to remember this. There are things about  
Asuka that you don't know. Things that I can't tell you, those are things that either she'll  
one day choose to share with you or she won't. But she might lash out at you. . ." Misato  
raised a hand to stop Shinji from interrupting her. "I mean much differently than she does now.  
. .just. . .if she ever says something very hurtful to you. . .something that really, truly  
hurts you. . .she probably doesn't mean it. You know. . .she's aggressive. . .she tends to push  
people away. So don't expect too much. You know, take it slow."  
  
"I. . .I understand Misato."  
  
"And Shinji?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"I know she can be. . .well. . .a bitch and all. . .but. . ."  
  
". . . ."  
  
Misato placed a hand over Shinji's. "Don't leave her."  
  
"I won't."  
  
"Good. Now, go out there and let's see what you can sow." Misato raised her voice.  
"Asuka! Are you trying on everything you own in there, or what?"  
  
Asuka emerged from her room wearing her school uniform, and grumbling.  
  
"Asuka. . .that's what you're wearing?" Shinji inquired.  
  
"No, it's just an illusion. In reality, I'm strutting around naked." She replied  
sarcastically. Shinji couldn't seem to get a break from blushing. "Of course this is what I'm  
wearing, you baka! If we have to go to school in a few hours, we might as well be prepared!"  
  
"Oh." Was all he managed to say.  
  
Misato got out of her seat and reached for the top of the fridge. After shuffling a few  
different things around and knocking several empty beer cans and used instant ramen cups, she  
found what she was looking for. "Here." She said, giving several bills to Shinji. "Try not to  
have too much fun." With that, she all but pushed Shinji out the door. She attempted to do the  
same to Asuka, but the look she received from the red-head made her think better of it. "See  
you later." Misato said instead, and shut the door, with Asuka standing on the wrong side.  
  
"Well," Shinji began, "I guess she told us."  
  
Asuka stuck her tongue out at the door. "Come on, Third Child, let's go see what's going  
on in Tokyo-3." She grabbed the sleeve of Shinji's shirt, and pulled him down the flights of  
stairs.  
  
"Whoa!" Shinji managed to blurt out as he was hurried along. "What have I gotten myself  
into?" he asked himself as the two of them disappeared down the stairwell and into the night.  
  
  
************************************************************************  
  
Author's Notes-- Well, that was fun, wasn't it? You see, I told you there would be some  
character interaction this time! Yes, of course, there is more to come. Hey, hey, no groaning!  
If you didn't like it, then what are you still doing here? But seriously folks, I'd like to  
thank all of the readers out there who take the time to read this. Even you. Yes you! You know,  
the one sitting there reading this fic and not telling the author how you think he's doing!  
Well, what are you waiting for? The address? Ah, yes. Well, you can contact Malachite (that's  
me) at ranger_writer@yahoo.com There. Is that better? I think so.  
  
  
Preview of the next episode-- Well, I got the kids out of the apartment, didn't I? All you Rei  
fans out there, I'm not ignoring her, she just hasn't made her appearance yet. Maybe if you're  
lucky, you'll get to see Toji, Hikari, and Kensuke in the future as well. If I'm in a giving  
mood. (Please note: Lord Malachite just got home from work when he decided it would be a great  
time to put the finishing touches on this chapter, so he's in ultra-ego mode. It's not your  
fault). At any rate, Shinji and Asuka have a small adventure as they decide how they're going  
to amuse themselves for a few hours. No, not that kind of adventure, you perverts! And some  
other stuff will happen as well. Hey, I'm making this up as I go along, so your guess is as  
good as mine! It's all in 'Round Perdition's Flames Chapter 3-- "Who Wrote the Book of Love,  
Anyway?"  
  
************************************************************************  
  
The Legal Lambada--I don't have anything to do with Neon Genesis Evangelion. I didn't produce  
it, I didn't create it, and I don't pretend to have! This series is copyright by Gainax, A.D.V.  
Films holds the rights to the English Language Version. The author makes no claim whatsoever to  
any of the characters or the setting contained within this work, merely the situation in which  
they have been placed. Standard disclaimers apply. No substitutions, exchanges, or refunds.  
Batteries not included. Thanks you've all been a great crowd, don't forget to tip your servers  
on the way out. Amen.  
  
  



	3. Who Wrote the Book of Love, Anyway?

Round Perdition's Flames   
  
Part III  
  
"Who Wrote The Book Of Love, Anyway"  
  
  
"Why, why did they send her over anyone else?  
How should I react?  
These things happen to other people  
They don't happen at all, in fact."  
--They Might Be Giants  
"She's An Angel"  
  
--Friday/Early Saturday--  
  
It was a typical night over Tokyo-3. The stars shone down from above, adding a surreal  
effect to the hub of the urban area. It was all very beautiful, though arguably best observed  
from a hill not to far from the apartment building. The three children had been known to visit  
there on more than one occasion, though one of them was absent this evening. Shinji allowed  
himself a brief moment to think about Rei Ayanami as Asuka pulled him through the city. What  
was she doing at this very moment? "Probably sleeping." He thought aloud. After realizing that  
he had spoken, he expected Asuka to turn towards him and asking him what he was blabbering  
about, but either she hadn't heard him, or she didn't care. Shinji quickly decided the latter  
was more likely the case. Concerned about where he was being dragged, Shinji raised his voice  
and addressed Asuka more directly. "Asuka! Where are you taking us?!"  
  
Asuka looked back at him for a moment, then slowed her pace, bringing them to a stop. "I  
don't know." She answered his question non-chalantly.  
  
"You don't know?!" He had never really known Asuka to not have some sort of plan. He  
noticed that when she did something, it usually had a purpose and meaning, a rhyme and a  
reason, even if it was just to get a rise out of someone else.  
  
"Nope. Why, does it matter? Misato gave us some cash so we don't have to spend our own,  
so I figured we'd just walk around until we find something worthwhile. It's not like we're  
pressed for time or anything!"  
  
Shinji smirked. He had her on one count in this situation. "You forgot one thing."  
  
"Oh yeah? Like what?"  
  
"Misato gave --me-- some money. I didn't recall her saying anything about you."  
  
Asuka pulled Shinji closer with her left arm and made a fist with her right hand. "What  
were you saying, soon to be mourned Third Child?!!"  
  
Shinji squirmed a bit but decided not to yield to her just yet. After all, he was  
probably going to get pounded anyway, so he might as well make it worth Asuka's while. "I said  
I've got the money, so I think I have some say regarding where we're going."  
  
"So, you want a say, do you?"  
  
"Ulp! Yes'm!"  
  
Asuka smiled wolfishly for the second time that hour. "Well, --say--, would you look at  
that?!" The girl quickly released her grip on Shinji, sending him crashing down into the  
pavement. "Oh dear, did I do that? I'm so sorry." The fallen boy made an attempt to calculate  
exactly how much sarcasm was radiating from Asuka at that moment, but then he realized that it  
was much too far off the chart for him to ever pinpoint.  
  
Shinji coughed and pulled himself back onto his feet, then began dusting himself off.  
"No problem." He rolled his eyes. What had made him do that? Why, when he was endeavoring to be  
nicer to her, had he just all but begged her to do something to him? Stranger yet, had he  
enjoyed that? No. He was accustomed to it. His day wasn't complete if Asuka didn't do something  
cruel to him. His head hurt. He had been thinking about far too many complicated and confusing  
things that evening. This was all still very new to him. Shinji cursed himself, then abruptly  
laughed inwardly. Of all the girls, it just had to be this one. Someone out there had played a  
very cruel joke on him at the cosmic level, and one day he vowed to pay whoever it was back,  
assuming of course he found out who had put him in this predicament to begin with. The human  
heart was a curious thing. This was not the first time in recorded history that one had set  
itself on another that was seemingly unattainable. His mind told him that this was craziness,  
but his heart told him otherwise. Just another example of the mind/heart dichotomy: What you  
know versus what you --know.-- And Shinji knew in his heart that despite the uncomfortable  
postions he was finding himself in, that somehow this was right.  
  
Ikari was brought back to reality by a red-headed girl snapping her fingers and waving  
her hand in front of his eyes. "This is Earth to Shinji Ikari." He heard her say. "It appears  
our preliminary reports were correct, there's no sign of any intelligent life."  
  
"Huh?" the boy asked, startled and unsure of himself.  
  
"Grrrr! You are such an idiot! Baka-Shinji! Why are you staring off into space like  
that?"   
  
"I. . .I don't know. I was just. . .thinking."  
  
"I told you before, you never think!" Asuka grumbled on unintelligibly for a moment,  
speaking some strange combination of German and Japanese that made Misato's drunken dialect  
easy to understand by comparison.  
  
Shinji ignored her insult. Asuka couldn't get under his skin, not tonight. Not after  
what Misato had said. Aggressive though she was, she also had this inner quality about her that  
had sparkled, despite whatever cruel epithets might be coming from her mouth. It was this very  
inner quality, one that Shinji had yet to pin down, that had drawn him to her in the first  
place. She was dangerous to him, he knew. He was young, as was she. There were still many  
things he had to figure out for himself before he could go on, yet he certainly couldn't go  
back from here. He wasn't in any sort of position where could give Asuka his heart, she would  
simply crush it and hand it back to him. No, this wasn't going to be easy. He grimaced. That  
thought seemed familiar. He only had an inkling of where to start, by doing his best to be nice  
to her. Still, where Asuka was concerned, being nice was not easy, she did her absolute best to  
ensure that. And even when he did succeed, she tended to find some way to spoil it. Telling her  
she looked nice would only succeed in being accused of perversion, for example. Still, he  
decided to press onward. If God had any mercy on him, perhaps he would provide an opportunity.  
  
"Let's head for the theater." Shinji suggested.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Well, like I was saying back at the apartment, I think they're doing an all-night movie  
again. I went to it once. . ." Shinji declined to finish the thought. It brought back  
unpleasant memories of when he had run from Misato. He wasn't proud of that. No, no more  
looking back. "I think it might be the same one."  
  
"What's it about?"  
  
"The Second Impact."  
  
Asuka groaned. "Gott in Himmel! I am so sick of hearing about it! It happened a long  
time ago! No one cares anymore! We should be looking forward to what we're going to do about  
stopping a Third Impact!"  
  
"I thought that's what my father's agency was all about. Isn't that. . .isn't that why  
we battle the Angels?"  
  
"I battle the Angels as a matter of pride. Those bastards think that they're going to  
get rid of us? Think again!"  
  
Shinji decided not to comment. At the moment, he really didn't care about Angels. There  
was plenty of time to worry about them while he was in the bowels of NERV, or when they were  
attacking. For now, he just wanted to concentrate on the evening and his companion.  
  
"Oh, come on, Asuka. Look, it'll probably be good for a laugh. You're right, whoever  
made that movie has no clue about the truth behind the Second Impact."  
  
Asuka let out a sigh. "I suppose a chuckle or two wouldn't be so bad. But if I don't  
like it, I'm walking out!"  
  
"Deal."  
  
Shinji took up a position beside the object of his eternal torment and took a deep  
breath. It all made sense now. This was complete and total insanity. There was something  
severely wrong with him, yes. Something must've happened to his brain during a battle or  
something. Either that, or somewhere along the line he had died and been sent to hell. What he  
wouldn't give for something, anything, that could impress this girl. Her terminal bitchiness  
was going to be a bigger obstacle than he had anticipated. He needed an ally. Misato had said  
that she would help, but deep inside Shinji realized that it was going to take more than that.  
He needed the assistance of someone who knew all about women. He needed the support of a true  
ladies' man. Shinji sighed. He needed Kaji. Shinji's hands subconsciously clenched and  
unclenched. That was just cruelty! Kaji had somehow managed to get Asuka eating out of his hand  
simply by existing. And he wasn't even interested! I mean, what a cheat! Shinji knew that out  
of all the guys he knew, Kaji seemed to be closest to the mark regarding that universal mystery  
of what it is that women want. Therefore, Kaji would certainly be able to give him some  
pointers, key him into what it was that a girl like Asuka saw in him. Unfortunately, Shinji  
came to the quick realization that Asuka was attracted to Kaji for the simple reason that he   
was Kaji. "Damn it!" Shinji muttered under his breath. It was up to him for now. Perhaps he  
could still get some advice out of Kaji. Then again, if he confessed to Kaji that he wanted to  
pursue Asuka, he might never live it down. Come to think of it, Shinji suddenly understood that  
this was a secret he had best keep to himself and a very select circle of accomplises. If  
someone like Toji or Kensuke got wind of this, they might never forgive him for such a  
betrayal. To his friends, Asuka was generally regarded as the enemy, though undeniably she was  
a looker. Kensuke still hadn't spent all of the money he had made selling pictures of her when  
she was new to school! Moreover, if the whole school found out, he might have to consider  
fleeing Japan altogether for his own safety.  
  
All of this still bothered him. When all was said and done, she was still Asuka, wasn't  
she? A grevious doubt ran through him, and he nearly froze in place. What if he wasn't good  
enough for the girl? He had been attracted to her because of the things she did to push him  
away, after all. Aside from that, he really did want her to be his partner. Despite her open  
hostility, she was the balance that he needed. By nature, he was a private person. He was  
content to stay quiet and surf the tides of life. He remembered sitting at Misato's promotion  
party, listening to everyone else carry on, whooping and hollering. Misato had been the only  
one to understand. If he had been ten years older, and Misato wasn't such a heavy drinker, they  
might have made a good pair. He felt sorry for Misato. She could confront most situations head  
on, like the time she had just jumped onto the runaway Jet Alone, climbed inside, and attempted  
to deactivate its reactor, despite the tremendous threat to her own safety. He admired that. So  
why couldn't she and Kaji just have it out. Whenever the two were together, Misato always did  
her best to belittle him.. Shinji had pieced together that they were old beaus whose romance  
had ended badly, but it must have been a long time ago. If she really didn't like him, then why  
did she avoid him so much? She wasn't quiet like him. She should just have it out with him and  
stop putting it off. But instead, she was pulling a Shinji. . .had he really just thought that?  
It probably wasn't a good sign when you began associating your own name with a negative action.  
It really didn't matter, because it was at that moment that he felt himself falling forward  
again, his hands instinctively reaching out and scraping the ground in order to break his fall.  
  
"You really should be more careful." Asuka commented. Shinji was able to tell by her  
tone of voice that he had fallen on his own this time. If Asuka was going to abuse him, which  
was one of the few things in life he could consistently count on, verbal abuse was preferable  
to the physical kind. Unless of course she felt like combining the two, which was often the  
case. Still, he wasn't improving his case at all. Somehow, he felt that ever since they had  
left Misato's apartment, he had gone out of his way to do everything he could to lessen Asuka's  
already poor opinion of himself. That was enough. Competition and dignity be damned. He had to  
talk to Kaji. He would never succeed in courting any girl if he couldn't get his act together.  
He was just going to have to trust Kaji not to go blathering his secret to everyone on the  
Geofront. What a downer! Wasn't falling for someone else supposed to bring you closer to  
happiness? Moreover, why were all these questions with no readily available answers floating  
his way lately?  
  
"Y'know, Shinji, I'm sure that asphalt tastes wonderful, but are you planning on  
spending all night down there? Because this sure isn't my idea of a good time!"  
  
Damn this girl. Did she have even one kind word in his heart for him? What the hell was  
wrong with him anyway? How, on any level behind the superficial physical one, could he find  
this girl attractive? Had he become self-destructive? No, he wasn't that bad off. Come to think  
of it, he had gotten a lot out of his system when he had run away from Misato after his battle  
with the 4th Angel. He hadn't been completely sure at the time, but he was now very grateful  
that he had stayed. No matter how bad things got, this was his home now. He didn't have  
anywhere to go back to. He couldn't respect himself if he did go back to his previous  
existence. He was in the process of finding himself now. Perhaps that was where the attraction  
lay. Asuka was a representation of everything he felt that he should be, but wasn't. Well,  
okay, maybe not --everything--. But she was an individual of strong will. She didn't believe  
that there was something that she could not accomplish.  
  
"Baka Shinji! Stop trying to look up my skirt and get up!" She gave him a kick, not as  
strong as he had expected, more of a nudge to get moving. He complied, why shouldn't he? Asuka  
did have a point, lying on the sidewalk at three in the morning could hardly be described as a  
good time. Adventureous, maybe, but not a good time. The boy did his best to put a smile on and  
then he pulled himself to a standing position. Inspecting his hands, he noted that he had  
scraped them a bit, but it appeared as though they would be all right.  
  
"I wasn't trying to look up your skirt." He said with some authority, suprising the both  
of them. Then he resumed his walk towards the theater.  
  
"O-Of course you were!" Asuka cursed to herself and began walking again as well. She  
almost never sounded unsure of herself. It was a sign of weakness. "Why else were you just  
lying down back there? You pervert!"  
  
A wry smile crossed Shinji's lips, though he made sure his back was towards her so she  
couldn't see. "You know, that only proves you don't know me at all."  
  
Now she was getting angry. This kid was more dangerous than she had thought. A surge of  
emotion ran through her. Ten years. She had trained for nearly ten years to become an Eva  
pilot. And now, this kid was starting to become a direct threat to her standing. In a matter of  
months, he had managed to get his syncronization rate to approximately 50% of her own, and he  
didn't show any signs of leveling off just yet. If she wasn't more careful, she was going to  
lose her place in the sun. And now, this dumbkopft was telling her that she didn't know him at  
all? The absolute nerve! After all she had done! After the living hell they had both endured in  
order to defeat 7th Angel! For a good week or two after that, she still knew when he had to  
pee, for God's sake!  
  
"How dare you! I know you! I had damn well better, for all the time we have to spend  
living in close quarters! Maybe we don't get along very well, but that's your fault anyway!"  
  
"Asuka, if you really knew me, then you would know why I wasn't looking up your skirt."  
  
"This I've got to hear! Okay, hentai, I'm waiting for your little explanation as to why  
you aren't a filthy, disgusting little pervert! And it had better be a convincing one,  
especially considering those two clowns you always hang out with."  
  
Shinji turned to face her. "I can't speak for Toji or Kensuke, Asuka. I can only speak  
for myself. And I grew up the mindset that true beauty is not something that should be looked  
at lewdly. It should be admired properly and purely, not degraded." Shinji once again turned  
around and continued walking.  
  
Asuka began to follow him. She had no words to say in retort. This annoyed her to no  
end. Was that some round about way of complimenting her he had just used? And if so, what  
should she do about it? It was far too late now to respond to it, the moment had passed. A  
large part of her felt like picking Shinji up, and drop-kicking him into another block. But  
what would have been the point in doing that? For starters, it would sure make her feel a lot  
better. Why did he have to be so annoying all the time? Generally, it was easy for her to get  
him to go along with whatever it was she wanted. This should have made him one of her favorite  
people, instead, it somehow made him one of the most aggravating she had ever known. And now he  
had to go and say something like that. Damn him! Where did he get off? How had he somehow ended  
up in control of the situation? That responsibility was meant to rest directly with her. She  
couldn't trust anyone else. She was a leader, not a follower. She didn't need this. She didn't  
want it either. Why had Misato forced them out of the apartment? She wasn't really a people  
person, and she usually made this information available to just about everyone who crossed her  
path. There were only a few people that she associated herself with, and nearly all of them  
were NERV personnel.  
  
Looking forward, she realized that Shinji was now far ahead of her. That kid could walk  
when he was in a hurry! "Hey!" she yelled after him. "You can't just leave me here! You idiot!"  
  
Shinji stopped himself. She did have a point. Besides, Asuka was his unofficial "date"  
for the evening, even if it wasn't a real date. But he was paying. So that had to count for  
something. Even if it was Misato's money. He did feel a tad guilty about that. Misato wasn't  
exactly rich or anything. If she was, she would probably hire professional cleaners. Shinji  
shuddered as he thought about what her place looked like when he had first arrived. It had  
taken a lot of hard work and elbow grease, but the place looked respectable now. Misato was a  
great battle tactician, but she would never survive as a housewife. She was totally clueless.  
In fact, she was the only person he knew who could make something like instant ramen and manage  
to mess it up. "Asuka?! What were you doing way back there?" he inquired as she came running  
up.  
  
"Well, excuse me, but --somebody-- didn't wait up for me! You moron!"  
  
"Oh."  
  
"I still can't believe that Misato threw us out here at this hour!"  
  
"Well, as the old saying goes, let's just try to make the best of it. I tell you what,  
I'll make you a bet."  
  
"What kind of a bet?"  
  
"I'll bet you that we can make it from now until we can go back home without arguing. If  
we can't, I'll do the dishes for two weeks straight."  
  
"Hold up a second! How do I know you won't cheat?"  
  
"Cheat? Me? I don't cheat! Even if I did, how could I?"  
  
"No fair doing a silent treatment. We have to engage in normal conversation."  
  
"Hah! Why not? You'll never make it! I'm going to be looking forward to the next two  
weeks."  
  
"You're on, Third Child! You're going to be eating so much crow!" As soon as she had  
said it, she felt a tad bit nervous. Who was she fooling? This bet was going to be much easier  
for Shinji to win than for her. Heck, she couldn't really recall a "normal" conversation that  
they had had since they had first met. Silently, they grasped hands and pumped twice. Shinji  
couldn't help but notice how soft her hands felt, especially for someone with such a rough  
personality. Asuka, in turn, noticed how Shinji's hands felt rough and calloused from when they  
had scraped across the sidewalk earlier. They didn't feel the way she thought they should. Not  
that she really knew how Shinji's hands were supposed to feel anyway, but, somehow, they just  
didn't feel. . .right. Shinji hated to let go of her hand, but he knew that he couldn't hold  
onto it much longer without arousing suspicion. He had to be careful, now was certainly not the  
time. He needed to find a reason for Asuka to go with him, something that would suit her. That  
certainly wouldn't be an easy task. He couldn't just go and make something like this up, he had  
to give her something valid, something concrete, something solid, something that she couldn't  
refuse. Otherwise, there was not way he was ever going to pull this off. A brief scowl ran  
acorss his face. All right then, he wouldn't back down, no matter how many doubts came into his  
head. He had done enough waffling and second guessing. At this point, Asuka noticed Shinji's  
dark look. "What's wrong, Shinji, don't you like holding my hand?" she teased seductively.  
  
"Eh? Ah! No! I mean yes! I mean-"  
  
"Save it! It's okay, I'll allow you escort me. Maybe it'll help keep any freaks and  
weirdos out there at bay."  
  
"Oh." Shinji silently wondered how he would be expected to repay this later.  
  
"Hmpf! Try not to be so disappointed! What did you expect?"  
  
*A lot less than this.* He thought to himself. "I don't know."  
  
Asuka turned back towards their destination, now only a few blocks away, and promptly  
reclaimed her appendage. "Shinji?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"We will agree that our. . .conversation this afternoon never took place." She said it  
as a fact, not a question. Just as well, Misato was the only other one who had seen any of the  
less than perfect moment, and even Asuka wasn't aware of that little tidbit. Shinji was  
inclined to keep it that way. "Yes."  
  
She smiled ever-so-slightly at him. "Good. Now, get a move on! I'm hungry! I want you to  
buy me some popcorn! Shinji resumed his walk as well, but he couldn't help but think that  
somehow, he was getting all the burdens of a relationship without any of the benefits.  
  
************************************************************************  
  
The Legal Lambada--I don't have anything to do with Neon Genesis Evangelion. I didn't produce  
it, I didn't create it, and I don't pretend to have! This series is copyright by Gainax, A.D.V.  
Films holds the rights to the English Language Version.The author makes no claim whatsoever to  
any of the characters or the setting contained within this work, merely the situation in which  
they have been placed. Standard disclaimers apply. No substitutions, exchanges, or refunds.  
Batteries not included. Thanks you've all been a great crowd, don't forget to tip your servers  
on the way out. Amen.  
  
************************************************************************  
  
Author's Note--Those of you still with me have probably noticed that I have an uncanny ability  
for stringing a lot of words together and still having very little happening. Well, I agree.  
This story is a bet "heady" as we say in my town. There's a lot of different thoughts bubbling  
up to the surface, and so far that's what the majority of this story has entailed. Some of you  
make think it different and enjoyable. Others may wish to tie me to a chair and kick me down  
the stairs, I really don't know. This chapter was restructured somewhat, and I've decided to  
break it into two parts. So yes, there is a point to all of this, and I am getting there. You  
shouldn't have too much longer of a wait now for a more "normal" story with more dialogue and  
the like, you know, things happening! Right now, I'm just trying to show everyone where the  
main players are coming from, what's their frame of mind? I hope I've at least accomplished  
that! Also, some of you may be wondering where the WAFF is. So far, we've seen inner turmoil,  
unrequited. . .well, I hate to use the term love, I don't think it's quite that (at least not  
at this point), a bit of the inner Asuka, and I touched just a smidgen on something with  
Misato. But so far, there really hasn't been any WAFF. Sorry, but I'm a believer that the warm  
and fuzzy things will have to wait. Those of you out there who are fanfic writers know how  
frustrating it can be to have great scenes laid out, but first you need to write the groundwork  
for them. This is usually easier said than done. But I'm working on it! This story means a lot  
to me. I'm constantly working on it. There are times when I'll bet the show going on behind the  
scenes as I write is more entertaining than what I've actually written. It's a strangely  
satisfying feeling when you bang your head against the keyboard in frustration at 3 o'clock in  
the morning, wondering why you can't get something to come out right and just how little sleep  
you can get and still be attentive in class the next morning. There's still a line or two that  
I just felt weren't Asuka enough, or Shinji enough, but then, the very nature of this fic is  
likely to cause a little case of OOC-itis, but I'm hoping that I've designed it in such a way  
that it's few and far between. At any rate, this is the end of the current installment. If  
you're reading this fic when it is "new" which it is as of 4/7/00, 3:31 AM EST, and you don't  
see a link taking you to Chapter 3.5 somewhere, then go outside and play, all right? If you do  
see a link, it means that unfortunately for you, I've written even more of this story, and  
since you've committed yourself this for, you should be heading to 3.5 right now. Or plotting  
to kill me. Either way, you've got some work to do, don't you, so stop lollygagging around  
here! I'm serious! This is the end of the file. The floor show is over. Yeah, I know, you got  
screwed again. What, you want your money back? Life is full of disappointments! Okay, that's  
it. End of file. Finis. See y'all later. Don't let the screen door hit you where Pen-pen should  
have bit you!  
  
  
  
  
  



	4. Night Burns On

Round Perdition's Flames  
  
  
Part 3.5  
  
  
"Night Burns On"  
  
  
  
"A wise son brings joy to his father, but a foolish son grief to his mother.  
  
Ill-gotten treasures are of no value, but righteousness delivers from death.  
  
The Lord does not let the righteous go hungry but he thwarts the craving of the wicked.  
  
Lazy hands make a man poor, but diligent hands bring wealth.  
  
He who gathers crops in summer is a wise son, but he who sleeps during harvest is a disgraceful  
son.  
  
Blessings crown the head of the righteous, but violence overwhelms the mouth of the wicked.  
  
The memory of the righteous will be a blessing, but the name of the wicked will rot.  
  
The wise in heart accept commands, but a chattering fool comes to ruin.  
  
The man of integrity walks securely, but he who takes crooked paths will be found out.  
  
He who winks maliciously causes grief, and a chattering fool comes to ruin.  
  
The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life, but violence overwhelms the mouth of the  
wicked.  
  
Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers over all wrongs.  
  
Wisdom is found on the lips of the discerning, but a rod is for the back of him who lacks  
judgment.  
  
Wise men store up knowledge, but the mouth of a fool invites ruin.  
  
The wealth of the rich is their fortified city, but poverty is the ruin of the poor.  
  
The wages of the righteous bring them life, but the income of the wicked brings them punishment.  
  
He who heeds discipline shows the way to life, but whoever ignores correction leads others  
astray.  
  
He who conceals his hatred has lying lips, and whoever spreads slander is a fool.  
  
When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.  
  
The tongue of the righteous is choice silver, but the heart of the wicked is of little value.   
  
The lips of the righteous nourish many, but fools die for lack of judgment.  
  
The blessing of the Lord brings wealth, and he adds no trouble to it.  
  
A fool finds pleasure in evil conduct, but a man of understanding delights in wisdom.  
  
What the wicked dreads will overtake him; what the righteous desire will be granted.  
  
When the storm has swept by, the wicked are gone, but the righteous stand firm forever.  
  
As vinegar to the teeth and smoke to the eyes, so is a sluggard to those who send him.  
  
The fear of the Lord adds length to life, but the years of the wicked are cut short.  
  
The prospect of the righteous is joy, but the hopes of the wicked come to nothing.  
  
The way of the Lord is a refuge for the righteous, but it is the ruin of those who do evil.  
  
The righteous will never be uprooted, but the wicked will not remain in the land.  
  
The mouth of the righteous brings forth wisdom, but a perverse tongue will be cut out.  
  
The lips of the righteous know what is fitting, but the mouth of the wicked only what is  
perverse."  
  
--Proverbs 10:1-32  
  
  
--Friday/Early Saturday--  
  
  
It was late. Or early. Whatever. The darkness continued to blanket Tokyo-3, but the moon  
and the stars shone the heavenly light down upon the city, giving it a warm glow. The addition  
of the artificial lights throughout the city-fortress indicated indeed that this was still an  
area of activity, a hub of human life. This city continued to stand against the angels, and it  
would for some time to come, so long as fate and the Evangelions had anything to say about it.  
In a small room, far below the watchful eye of the heavens, a girl slept. Her periods of  
unconscious rest were mechanical. She did not move in her sleep. There was nothing there to  
disturb her.  
  
Darkness. She liked the darkness. It was natural to her. She often kept her dwelling  
place in darkness. She did not abhor the light. During school, she sat by the window, and was  
often content to gaze out of it for the majority of the day. But she preferred the darkness.  
The darkness was more real to her. It felt more real to her. She was alive. The darkness was  
with her. The light waited for her. Behind her eyelids, there was uneasy peace. She required  
rest, as everyone did. Rest was necessary. She did not feel stress. She rarely felt fatigue.  
Her existence was a quiet one. She did as she was told. Nothing more was either asked or  
expected of her.  
  
Darkness. The darkness and the light. She did not feel the need to leave the darkness  
yet. There was no reason to. Stay within the darkness. The command ran through her  
subconscious. She would stay asleep a while longer. If there was one thing that was certain, it  
was that Rei Ayanami always did her best to stay under control.  
  
  
Ritsuko Akagi took another sip of her rapidly cooling coffee and sighed. This had not  
been the best of days. As of late, she was finding it increasingly difficult to get work done.  
It was nearing time for another harmonics test, she would schedule one for the children  
tomorrow evening. Things needed to improve more than they were. They had done so far so good,  
but there was no longer any question that the war against the Angels was heating up. She  
glanced over the children's' latest synchronization reports. Rei was doing her usual, her  
synchronization rate was acceptable, yet it seemed that there was little to no sign that she  
would be improving. She made a mental note to discuss this with the commander another time. The  
Second Child's synch rate was impressive. Although her personality frequently left something to  
be desired, no one could argue that Asuka Langley Sohryu was not a valuable asset of NERV.  
Shinji Ikari, the Third Child, was progressing along rather nicely. Despite Misato's warnings  
that piloting Eva was not what Shinji wanted to do, his synchronization abilities were growing.  
Another month or two, and he might be giving Asuka a run for her money.  
  
Despite these relatively positive signs, Ritsuko knew that it wasn't enough. The Angels  
were starting to get more personal. They were adapting. Only a week ago, they had found a way  
to bypass dealing with the Evas altogether. The 11th Angel had been one of the closest calls  
they'd had in a long time. Misato hadn't been that concerned since the 5th Angel. Not that any  
of them that had come between those two had been pushovers, but both the 5th and the 11th had  
managed to breach NERV's barriers. This was completely unacceptable. The direct assault on the  
Magi that had indeed occurred should not have happened. It shouldn't have been able to happen.  
But then, Ritsuko had seen her fair share of things that had happened and shouldn't have, ever  
since Shinji had arrived in Tokyo-3. For some strange reason, the arrival of Commander Ikari's  
son seemed to have triggered some sort of turning point in the war. It was perfect timing at  
that, considering how his arrival had coincided with the appearance of the Third Angel. Once  
his initial fears had been overcome, he had metamorphosed into some sort of prodigy at Eva  
piloting. He had shown great promise when he had gone along for the ride with Asuka in the  
fight with the 6th Angel. The two of them had managed to pull a rabbit out of their hats,  
though credit also belonged to Misato for coming up with the plan. Despite personalities that  
clashed, the two had managed to pull themselves out of a potentially disastrous situation. Not  
bad work at all. That's what had made the fiasco involving the 7th Angel such a disappointment.  
The entire organization had looked foolish and incompetent. It had been fortunate for them that  
the incident involving the Jet Alone hadn't been all that far behind them. Despite how  
embarrassing the 7th Angel had made them appear, the alternative was viewed as much, much  
worse. The cure to this setback had been a crude and somewhat controversial one, but it had  
worked, so who was she to complain? Ritsuko occasionally wondered whether it was necessary for  
the two children to live together with Misato any longer, but for the time being the  
arrangement was working out nicely, so why implement unneeded changes?  
  
Unfortunately, none of this solved the dilemma of NERV security. Obviously, more drastic  
measures were required. Ritsuko felt that the commander seemed even more distant and detached  
than usual as of late. It was as though he was waiting for another shoe to drop, so to speak.  
She almost wished he would go on another important trip. Maybe some fresh air might do him  
good. But this did nothing to solve the problem of security. Still, Dr. Akagi had to wonder  
what more could possibly be done. The Magi were generally not regarded as a weak point, and  
even after the incident, she maintained her beliefs that the Magi were protected to the best of  
the facility's abilities. The blame for the invasion partly rested with her. Ritsuko sighed.  
She should have stopped the simulation, even if Gendou would have chewed her ass off. Something  
would have to be done. Getting out of her chair, Ritsuko decided that her best course of action  
would be to hold some sort of meeting with Fuyutsuki and Misato. Perhaps there were a few  
angles that she hadn't considered. Suppressing a yawn, she slid out the door and fumbled in her  
pocket for her ID card. It was about time to call it a night. If she hurried home, she might be  
able to squeeze in two or three hours of sleep before having to report in the next morning.  
Perhaps with regards to her work, she was becoming more and more like her mother everyday.  
  
  
  
"So, this is it, huh?"  
  
"Yeah. . ."  
  
"We may as well get this over with." Asuka pulled open the door to the dilapidated  
downtown cinema. The air had a stale smell to it, rife with popcorn, butter, and chocolate, yet  
it had a taste to it, as though the same pocket of air had always permeated the place since it  
had first opened its doors God knows how many years ago. Shinji followed her inside, letting  
his nose adjust to the smell. Red was certainly the motif of the place, the floor was covered  
in a subdued and worn shade of the color. The walls were a dirty off-white, they didn't  
brighten the place up much. There were pieces of popcorn and candy wrappers on the floor,  
obviously whoever owned the place wasn't very concerned about keeping the lobby spic and span.  
It wasn't what Asuka would consider very tasteful. But a part of her had to admit that there  
was a coziness about it. She grudgingly gave Shinji the benefit of the doubt on this one. If  
there was one thing men usually knew about, it was movie theaters. Boys would always search for  
the perfect theater to go see their silly war movies, or anime, or whatever. Shinji removed his  
wallet from his pocket and walked up to the box office, which was, in this case, literally a  
box. The teenage boy inside the box spoke into a microphone. "Welcome to Tokyo-3 cinemas. Can I  
help you?" The guy's voice had about as much enthusiasm as Rei had for interacting with others.  
Hell, his voice had about as much enthusiasm as Rei did period. Asuka couldn't blame him, she  
wouldn't be caught dead working in a place like this at this hour on a Friday night. *He must  
be some sort of dropout or something.* she thought. There was no way she would even consider  
working in a place like this! Not that she needed to have any sort of job anyway, she had a  
considerable trust fund building up for services rendered to the government. Whether she  
enjoyed it or not, one had to admit that her childhood had been stolen from her, so they owed  
her something.  
  
"Um, two please." Shinji said, handing over some money in exchange for two ticket stubs.  
  
"Enjoy the show." Was the only response that he received, and it didn't sound anymore  
enthusiastic than the greeting had. No doubt about it, this guy was definitely on auto-pilot.  
  
"Shinji come on!" Asuka whined, pulling on his arm. "I want popcorn! I'm hungry!" Ikari  
sighed, and complied with her request, moving towards the concession stand. He did have to  
admit that this was more preferable than being insulted.  
  
"All right. So what's your pleasure, Asuka?" Shinji inquired.  
  
"I told you, popcorn!"  
  
"I know, but what size? Do you want candy too? Or a drink?"  
  
Asuka ignored her companion and approached the vendor behind the counter. "I'll take a  
large popcorn with extra butter and a medium diet soda. Oooh! And something hot! Do you have  
any candy that's cinnamon flavored?"  
  
"I think we have some cinnamon breath mints, but that's about it." This man, probably  
around the age of 22 or 23, seemed a bit more pleased to serve.  
  
Asuka grumbled. "I suppose they'll have to do. . ."  
  
"Ah, planning on doing a lot of kissing tonight, eh? Well, don't get too excited until  
the lights go out!"  
  
Asuka responded by giving him one of the more threatening looks the guy had ever seen  
in his life. "Er, well, enjoy the show!" he managed to spit out, eager to get away from the  
girl. He could see in her eyes that in about three seconds, she was going to come over the  
counter and pull his bottom lip up over his head. . .or worse.  
  
For his part, Shinji had two choices. He could either stand there, basking in the glow  
of what the concession attendant had just said, letting the image stay in his mind as long as  
possible, or he could do something to intervene. Knowing that he would hate himself later,  
Shinji spared one last second for the fantasy and then spoke up. "Excuse me, but could I get a  
medium soda as well?"  
  
Grateful for the distraction, the employee only smiled and gave all his attention to  
Shinji. "Sure. What kind would you like?"  
  
Shinji thought this over for a moment. "Surprise me." He decided, then prepared to fork  
over a large amount of the money Misato had given him. If there was one thing he knew from past  
experience, it was that buying food at the movies wasn't cheap. Not that it bothered him all  
that much, it wasn't his money. Maybe it would be a few more beers Misato couldn't buy. He had  
seen alcoholics with a smaller budget for booze than hers. Forcing himself not to flinch at the  
price, he told the attendant to keep the change. Still peeved at the man's gross suggestion,  
Asuka picked up the box of breath freshners in a huff and walked ahead, leaving Shinji to carry  
the rest. Not protesting, Shinji took one of the drinks and wedged it between his arm and his  
side, then carried the other soda and the popcorn in his hands. Asuka soon disappeared inside  
the theater, and Shinji did not relish having to play hide and seek if she was in one of her  
moods. Then again, how many people would be here at this hour? It wasn't as though there was a  
run on movies like this one. Shinji reached the door and cursed. He couldn't open the door with  
his hands full like this. Did she have to be so annoying? He knew perfectly well she wouldn't  
hold the door for him because she wanted to be difficult. He still couldn't understand why he  
cared about her. Perhaps it was these kinds of things she did. It was one thing to be a tease  
and have a pissy attitude, but that was all there really was when it came to Asuka. She always  
acted like this. It seemed to him like a cry for help if ever there was one. If she sought  
independence from others, then why didn't she realize that the way she acted only heightened  
people's concerns about her?  
  
Setting the soda in his hand on the floor, Shinji opened the door, held it in place with  
his body, then bent down to pick up the drink. Pulling himself upright, he then walked inside  
the theater. What was that guy at the stand talking about? It was almost dark as a tomb in here  
and the movie hadn't even started yet! The only light was emanating from the two aisles, which  
were outlined by soft tracks of lighting. It wouldn't be easy to find Asuka. She obviously was  
slumping down in her chair, because Shinji couldn't make out any heads as he looked through the  
rows, his eyes gradually beginning to adjust to the darkness.  
  
"Boo!" a familiar voice shouted right into his ear, and the poor boy jumped nearly  
high enough for his head to hit the balcony, some of the popcorn falling out of the tub. Asuka  
laughed hysterically. She couldn't help herself. He was just too easy a mark. She couldn't help  
but indulge herself. "Geez, Shinji, I didn't know you were so shy around girls!" she teased.  
  
Shinji was about to tell her to keep quiet, but he thought better of it after  
remembering the little bet he had made. He couldn't make an instigating comment, or she would  
nail him on it for certain. "You just. . .startled me is all."  
  
"Aw! I'm very sorry, I forgot that you need to be handled with kid gloves." She said it  
in this sickeningly sweet, phony voice. Yet somehow, this was preferable to her usual whiny  
bitchiness.  
  
"It's okay. Come on, let's go and find our seats."  
  
"What, is that all you have to say?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
Asuka shook her head. "Hopeless. Absolutely hopeless. Fine then." She walked down the  
aisle, taking a seat in the middle area, a bit towards the back, and in the center of the row.  
Following close behind, Shinji narrowly avoided colliding into her when she made her sudden  
stop, but quick reflexes allowed him to both miss her and keep from losing his balance.  
Recovering before Asuka had a chance to make a remark, he eased himself into the seat next to  
hers, proffering the drink she had ordered. She took it from him without a word. He was too  
much of an idiot for her to take sometimes, but damned if she was going to let him win this  
little challenge. Shinji did the majority of the chores around the apartment, and she was  
inclined to keep it that way. She had tried to clean, once, even though she knew she couldn't  
keep her own room looking all that nice. It had taken her two hours, but she had finally been  
satisfied. She went to fix herself something to eat in the kitchen, and when she had come back  
out to the living room, she had found Shinji re-cleaning everything. She had --not-- been  
pleased, to say the least. Asuka had had to invent a new setting on her hostility meter for  
that incident. She had gotten over it though. After all, she really didn't care all that much  
about what the apartment looked like. If Shinji wanted to have those kinds of idiosyncrasies,  
that was his prerogative. She could do a reasonable amount of cooking, which was good, because  
nobody wanted to eat anything Misato cooked. They had cut her out of the cooking schedule as  
much as possible, but she still insisted that she be allowed to cook sometimes. The two  
children simply tried to keep track of those times and make themselves conveniently absent.  
They didn't want to hurt Misato's feelings, but their own personal safety came first.  
  
Shinji took a sip of his own drink and began to happily munch away on the popcorn. He  
had to admit, getting some food in him did feel pretty good. Perhaps it was a little early for  
breakfast, but that wasn't much of a concern. He could always pack himself a bigger lunch than  
normal before going off to school. He'd probably have to pack Asuka a double or possibly even a  
triple portion in order to keep her happy. The girl certainly had a healthy appetite, but he  
couldn't really blame her for that. She had a lot of energy, and she was a bit of a loud mouth,  
so it stood to reason that it would take quite a bit of fuel to keep it going.  
  
"Hey! What do you think you're doing with --my-- popcorn?!?" Asuka protested, snatching  
the large tub away from him.  
  
"I thought that we could share. Save a little of Misato's money, you know? I do want to  
have some left to give back to her."  
  
"You idiot! That was a gift! You're not supposed to give it back! Her feelings will be  
hurt!"  
  
Shinji said nothing, opting only to stare at her.  
  
"What?" It took Asuka a moment to realize why he was staring. "Oh, scheisse! It isn't  
fair! You tricked me!"  
  
Shinji laughed at her just a tad, but stopped himself before she got overly upset.  
"It's okay, you get that one for free. But the next one earns you the kitchen duty. It wouldn't  
be fair not to give you the extra chance, it's only natural for you anyway. But you can only  
have it on one condition."  
  
"And what sort of condition would that be, you little cheater?"  
  
"We're sharing the popcorn. I've got other plans for what's left of the money."  
  
"What sort of plans?"  
  
"Ah, but that would be telling."  
  
Asuka audibly growled at him. "Fine!" she spat out at length, shoveling a handful of  
popcorn into her mouth. "Keep your secrets. I don't want to know about them anyway!" She had  
several other comments she wanted to add, but she thought better of them. What would be the  
point? All that would serve in doing would be to land her in more trouble, she refused to lose  
this bet! Her pride was at stake, she knew this was just a simple case of mind over matter,  
thinking before speaking. And if one thing was certain, she was determined to win.  
  
  
  
Asuka stepped out of the bathroom, draped in her robe and a big smile on her face.  
Pacing over to her bedroom, she entered and began dressing for her day. Halfway through, she  
gave the lump that was still residing in her bed a good shaking. "Get up, lazy slug! Since when  
do --I-- have to get --you-- out of bed?" The lump underneath the covers stirred, but made no  
indication of getting up. "Get up." Her voice was commanding and authoritative, but not quite  
threatening--yet. There was still no active response from the target. Genuinely annoyed, Asuka  
shook the figure forcefully. "NOW!" she yelled. You are making us both late!"  
  
Somewhat perturbed, Shinji Ikari-Sohryu stumbled out of bed looking like a zombie. He  
hadn't been getting much sleep lately.  
  
"I didn't tire you out that much, you wimp!" She smiled at him, indicating that she  
wasn't really angry with him. "Go on, go and get showered up. I'll take care of breakfast this  
morning." Shinji slumped his way into the bathroom while Asuka finished dressing and went  
downstairs.  
  
In another part of the house, a similar scene was taking place. One Misato Katsuragi was  
trying to drag herself out of bed. This was easier said than done. She had a slight hangover,  
she didn't really have a headache nor did she feel very sick. She just felt tired, like she was  
running on empty. Her bed felt warm, soft, she felt really, truly at peace for the first time  
in a long time. She might have been able to stay there forever, but she was interrupted by a  
loud knocking and a door opening. "Hey, Misato! Morning has arrived, why don't you greet it  
with the rest of us?"  
  
"Huh?" she answered in between yawns. Misato knew it was Asuka. There was only one  
person around here more chipper in the morning, and his voice wasn't feminine, unless there had  
been some changes made that she hadn't been informed about. "Morning. Sun. Time to get up. Join  
us." Asuka waved her fingers and said the last part in a spooky voice, amused by the image of  
the zombie-like Shinji that was stuck in her head."  
  
"In just a minute." Misato yawned again.  
  
"I'm going to start breakfast. So, Misato, did you two have a good night?"  
  
Misato didn't quite catch Asuka's comment at first, until she felt some movement next to  
her. A murmuring voice from under the covers inquired, "Is it morning already?"  
  
Misato started. She knew that voice. She ripped the covers away from where it was coming  
from, knowing what she would find but still horrified beyond belief. "Good morning, sunshine."  
Kaji said, his hair a mess and a smile on his face. Misato responded the only way she knew how.  
She screamed.  
  
  
  
Major Katsuragi sat bolt upright in bed, cold sweat droplets all over her.   
Instinctively, she spread her limbs out, attempting to ascertain whether there was anyone else  
in her bed. There wasn't. A huge sigh of relief came over her, and she allowed it to run its  
course. "I must be working too hard." She said to an empty room, getting out of her bed and  
opening the window for some fresh air. "As though anything like that could ever happen! What  
kind of a life would that be?! Ridiculous! Still, she went into the kitchen and poured herself  
a drink of water. No beer for her this time. If she was having dreams like that, then alcohol  
was the last thing she needed. She looked at the clock. 3:52. The children had been gone for a  
little bit now. If they obeyed her properly, they would be gone for a few more hours to come.  
Enough time for her to grab a few more hours without non-sensible dreams, God-willing. Walking  
back into her room and climbing back under the covers, Misato braved sleep again, determined to  
keep her dreams Kaji-free. . .  
  
************************************************************************  
  
Well folks, that's all for this time. Like always, tell the author how he is doing. You  
know, for some reason, this installment didn't quite write itself like all the others did, but  
I'm hoping that will have cleared up by next week. Some of you are probably wondering why I  
felt the need to quote all of Proverbs Chapter 10 at the beginning of this chapter. Well, I  
happen to like it, and it did inspire me, so I put it in. I promise not to make an opening  
quote that long again, I just felt that some of it lost meaning without all the verses of the  
chapter there. Besides, a proverb a day helps to put things in perspective.  
  
I know, perhaps having Kaji in the dream sequence was a tad predictable. But who else  
was I going to have in the bed? Gendo? Granted, that would have been both hilarious and   
confusing, but there wouldn't be a rhyme and reason to it.   
  
Next week: Asuka grapples with winning the bet, while Shinji develops a daring idea that may  
bring a lot of things out into the open. All of this, and they have to be ready for school,  
too! Meanwhile, Misato duels with insomnia. It's all in Chapter 4, "First-Degree Burn."  
  
************************************************************************  
Legalese-- I don't have anything to do with Neon Genesis Evangelion. I didn't produce  
it, I didn't create it, and I don't pretend to have! This series is copyright by Gainax, A.D.V.  
Films holds the rights to the English Language Version. The author makes no claim whatsoever to  
any of the characters or the setting contained within this work, merely the situation in which  
they have been placed. Standard disclaimers apply. No substitutions, exchanges, or refunds.  
Batteries not included. Thanks you've all been a great crowd, don't forget to tip your servers  
on the way out. Amen.  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	5. First Degree Burn

Round Perdition's Flames  
  
Part IV  
  
"First Degree Burn"  
  
  
"They don't need me here, and I know you're there  
Where the world goes by like the humid air  
And it sticks like a broken record  
Everything sticks like a broken record  
Everything sticks until it goes away  
And the truth is we don't know anything."  
--They Might Be Giants  
"Ana Ng"  
  
  
--Friday/Early Saturday--  
  
Ring Ring.  
  
Ring Ring.  
  
Ring Ring.  
  
"All right already!" Major Katsuragi's delicate hand fumbled about, trying to escape her  
covers and find the phone. A glass of water and a half-finished bottle of beer tipped over in  
the process. "Hello?" she asked groggily, wondering who was calling her at this hour. Her mind  
generated a rather quick response, quicker than the one supplied by whoever was on the other  
end of the phone. If her phone rang at this hour, then it was obviously something important  
revolving around work. Late night calls were the one thing that caused NERV to get on her  
nerves. Before she had a chance to laugh at her lame pun, her attention was drawn back to the  
telephone.  
  
"Good, you're up."  
  
Misato sighed. "I am now, Ritsuko. What's wrong?"  
  
"I'm overtired. I thought I was fading fast back at the lab but now that I'm home I feel  
like I'm just radiating energy. I wish I had felt like this earlier."  
  
"Maybe you *yawn* drank too much coffee?"  
  
"You've known me a lot longer than that."  
  
"Yeah. So what's really on you your mind?"  
  
"The incident we had a few days ago at headquarters."  
  
"You mean with the Angel?"  
  
"Yes. I guess I'm still a little bit perturbed about everything that happened."  
  
"Ritsuko, it wasn't your fault. You can't just blame yourself for something like this."  
  
"How can you say that? Of course it was my fault! I should have heeded the warnings and  
stopped the test before it was too late, but I didn't."  
  
"You did what you thought was right at the time. There was no way you could have known.  
Things just started happening too fast. We all reacted to the best of our abilities. Besides,  
in the end, everything worked out."  
  
"That's not the point, Major!"   
  
"Then what is?"  
  
Ritsuko sighed in exasperation. "The point is that do to carelessness and unnecessary  
risks, the enemy--"  
  
"Stop. This isn't a secure line. We're not going to discuss this any further right now."  
  
"Misato. . .I think that we need to talk. How about breakfast?"  
  
"Can't. I've got an early morning. I've hardly gotten any sleep and I have to report for  
duty soon. How about dinner at my place."  
  
"I suppose."  
  
"Great, that sounds lovely."  
  
"Wait a minute, it's not your turn to cook, is it?"  
  
"No, it's Shinji's turn. But if we're going to have company I'll see if I can talk Asuka  
into making some instant bread in the oven. That girl is so good at it! Every time I try it  
always comes out hard as a rock or like dough."  
  
This comment frightened the doctor. Generally, Misato's cooking was horrid at best, but  
it was rare when she ever noticed, it was everyone else who suffered. "I'm sure whatever the  
children prepare will be adequate."  
  
"I get your point Ritsuko! I won't cook, I promise! I'll never cook for you again, all  
right?"  
  
"Thank you."  
  
Misato growled but quickly let go of her anger. Dr. Akagi was a lot of things, but she  
was Misato's friend, and the woman of purple hair new that she was only teasing. "Yeah, well, I  
guess I can't be good at everything."  
  
The blonde had several retorts racing through her head, but she refrained from using  
them. It was far too early in the morning to engage in this kind of pointless banter. Both  
women were a tad edgy, there was no reason to antagonize each other to any great extent. "I  
suppose I'll be seeing you back at the salt mines in a bit then."  
  
"Unfortunately. See you in a few."  
  
"Yes. Misato?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Thanks for talking to me."  
  
Misato started for a moment, then smiled. "No problem."  
  
"Yes, well, I know you need your beauty sleep."  
  
Misato raised an eyebrow and her grin spread out more. "You bet! But so do you."  
  
Ritsuko blushed. "Good night."  
  
"Good night." Misato hung up her telephone and pulled her covers closer around her.  
Sleep. She required sleep. Clutching the pillow a little more tightly, she buried her head  
within its softness and shut her eyes. Sleep would not elude her any longer, not if she had  
anything to say about it.  
  
  
  
In another bed, not all that far away, another member of the fairer sex was undergoing a  
different type of battle. While Misato Katsuragi was desperately trying to salvage something  
out of her already abbreviated beauty sleep, Rei Ayanami was struggling to stay unconscious. It  
did not make much sense. There was no reason to remain asleep, her body had rested enough.  
There was no reason to wake up, there was no function which required her attention. She liked  
the darkness. The light had not come into the world yet. It made little sense. It was too late  
to be morning, it was too early to be night. Somewhere within her unconscious, Rei realized  
that her actions were foolish, and so she awoke. It was dark. It was damp. It was before dawn.  
But her day had begun. Rei's feet found the floor, which she knew would be cold. There was not  
any point to wasting time. Shuffling her body out of the bed, she began her walk across the  
small apartment that many would refer to as her home. Rei did not share that thought. She had  
no home, merely a place where she dwelled, where she would rest. A home assumed some types of  
family relationships. She had no need for those. It was her duty to battle the Angels and  
safeguard the future of humanity. Commander Ikari had told her so. This made all other things  
secondary. She remembered once, the Third Child had inquired about why she chose to pilot  
Evangelion. She recalled saying that it was because she was bonded to it. There was a truth to  
this. It was her calling. She had been chosen by the Institute to fight the Angels, it was what  
she had been asked to do, and had become what she herself chose to do. It provided her life  
with purpose, it gave her a sense of independence. She would not go so far as to say she  
enjoyed it, rather that it provided her with an inner warmth. She did not make a habit out of  
contemplating such things very much, at least not before the Third Child had arrived. Some of  
the things he had said prior to their final assault on the Fifth Angel had put some questions  
into her mind, several which had no immediate answer. Mainly, why had he been so concerned for  
her personal well-being? It was for the benefit of all others that they fought the Angels in  
the first place, their own safety was secondary at best. His worry was irrational, yet there  
was still something about it that brought out unfamiliar feelings within her. His estranged  
relationship with his father was disturbing. The fact that the two of them had so little to say  
to each other did not make sense. They were different individuals, true, but they had much in  
common now that the Third Child had come to Tokyo-3. Perhaps the two of them were lone wolves  
of a sort. Rei had trouble accepting this fact, though. Shinji had endeavored to reach out to  
her, he had been concerned about her well being. She did not understand this. It had been her  
duty to protect him. She had been ordered to do so, and she would have done so to the point of  
her own death, had it been necessary. Yet she had come through the ordeal relatively unscathed.  
He had been most distraught over the damage Unit-00 had taken during the onslaught. She   
remembered when he had forced her entry plug open, afraid for her life. It had not made sense  
to her at the time. Even if there had been something wrong with her, there was likely very   
little he could have done to be of assistance. She remembered, he had told her that she should  
not say good-bye to him before they went into battle. Because. . .it was too sad. It was too  
sad to say good-bye? This was strange. She remembered stories she had read and conversations  
she had heard about people never having a chance to say good-bye before death. It left them  
with feelings of remorse. It seemed fitting then, that she should say good-bye before going  
into battle. This way, should things go poorly and one of them did not survive, then these sad  
feelings of remorse and regret would not be present. Yet he had insisted that it was sad to say  
good-bye. This was strange. It did not fit. Why was it now considered to sorrowful to say   
good-bye? She would make a point of asking Commander Ikari about it when there was time.  
  
Stripping off what remained of her clothes, she began to run the water in the shower.  
This was her usual morning routine. It had been interrupted after the misfortunate experience  
she had had in Unit-00 weeks before the Commander's son had come to NERV. That had been some  
time ago. Many Angels had come between then and now. More were certain to come. It was her job  
to continue protecting the world. Satisfied with the temperature of the water, she stepped  
inside and began to bathe herself. Her shower smelled of LCL. Even though she frequently  
showered in the women's locker room after testing or after a battle, she had discovered over  
the years that there was a certain amount of the liquid which tended to seep into her skin.  
Later showering apparently brought it out, hence the strange combination of soap and blood, the  
scent of which permeated her bathroom.. Yet there was no reason for this to bother her. It was  
nothing out of the ordinary, merely an observation. Her senses had always been sharp. And as  
long as she was able to use them, she would use them as she was obligated to.  
  
  
  
This wasn't good. It wasn't good at all. For starters, it was too early. Secondly, it  
was way, way too early. "My body would insist on waking up early on the one day I actually  
don't have business to attend to." Kaji Ryoji said, taking a look out the window. "The sun  
hasn't even come up yet? What kind of a day off do you call that?" Resigned to his unfortunate  
circumstances, the man arose from his bed and trudged into the bathroom, taking a look at  
himself in the mirror. "Hmpf." He said, touching a hand to his face. P I should shave off some  
of this grunge. Nah, it'll annoy the major if I leave it there, and where would all the fun be  
if I couldn't do that?" Opting instead to alleviate his usual case of morning breath, Kaji  
reached for his toothbrush. Ah, the joys of morning. He really couldn't think of a reason to  
get up at this hour, but he knew when his body was trying to tell him that he had had enough  
sleep. It seemed to him like the classic damned if you do, damned if you don't syndrome.  
Finishing up with a bit of mouthwash for added effect, he spit the last of the tooth care  
products out of his month and prepared himself for a good old-fashioned morning shower. Some of  
the simplest pleasures in life were also the most rewarding. There was something very appealing  
about showers. He recalled Katsuragi's ideals about bathing cleaning both the mind and the  
soul. He didn't know about that so much, but he did know that he liked his showers. Who   
wouldn't enjoy the feeling of warm water rushing over their body just after climbing out of  
bed.  
It was how he woke up in the morning. He couldn't understand how some people bathed at  
night. He always felt the need to shake that grogginess of with a power shower. That was one of  
the perverse benefits of the Second Impact. There were now a lot less people competing for  
fresh water, therefore the pre-Impact concept of water saving had grown more or less obsolete.  
Not that he had paid it much attention anyway. When he was younger, he had always taken what he  
called "power showers." He recalled being forced to bathe in one of those trying water-saving  
showers only once. The water pressure was so low it felt like the shower head was relieving  
itself on him. After that experience, Kaji had learned how to alter those annoying shower heads  
so that they let a man take a shower the way God had intended him to. He dubbed his shower head  
the "Water Waster." Regulating resources was fine, he wasn't greedy, but the government was  
going to have to keep their damn hands out of his shower stall. Besides, hadn't they ever heard  
of the Water Cycle? How asinine!   
  
After readying the water, playing appropriate mood music, and getting a towel close at  
hand in case something like an Angel attack occurred while he was showering, Kaji stepped into  
the stall and started his morning in his favorite way. Well, his second favorite way, at any  
rate.  
  
  
  
"Good Lord!" a shrill voice yelled out. Ordinarily, yelling inside of a movie theater  
while the movie is showing would be considered bad form, but since there were only two people  
watching the film at this ungodly hour, Asuka knew no one would say anything. Shinji wouldn't  
dare to shush her. He knew that she would kick his ass for it, she was fairly confident that  
she could do that without saying cruel things to him, therefore she wouldn't forfeit the bet in  
the process. If she put her mind to it, she could probably kick his ass while saying nice   
things to him, but that would probably be pushing it.  
  
"What?" Her partner in crime for the evening responded.  
  
"This acting his awful!"  
  
"I recall one of my grade school teachers saying that bad acting is preferable to bad  
writing."  
  
"I'd rather that both be good, thank you very much! Who the hell wrote this script?"  
  
Shinji sighed. "No idea." The boy couldn't blame her one bit. It was an awful movie, so  
bad that in a perverse way it was good. But the writing and acting were awful, possibly worse  
than anything seen on the WB Network in the pre-Second Impact days, and that in itself was  
saying a lot. "You have to see the comedy of it. Films like this one are so bad that they beg  
to be mocked."  
  
"Kind of like--" Asuka stopped herself from completing that sentence at just the last  
moment. She cleared her throat and had another handful of the now dwindling popcorn. An hour.  
She had wasted an entire hour of her life on this putrid piece of filth that they dared pass  
off as cinema. She found it easier to sit in class and pay rapt attention to the boring  
lectures about the Second Impact. Even though the teacher's head had been filled with mush and  
propaganda about the devastating event, at least when he spoke it always felt like he was going  
somewhere with it, the trouble being that he seldom ever got there before class ended and it  
was time to break for lunch, or, if the children were really lucky, going home. But this film  
looked like it had been cobbled together by a bunch of students going to a community college,  
at least as far as the acting went. Asuka was forced to admit that the special effects were  
actually fairly impressive. If only the studio had gotten some decent actors to play the roles.  
It was pretty obvious where the studio had spent the bulk of the budget when they made this  
film. It bothered Asuka quite a bit. The Second Impact was a horrible tragedy not to be taken  
lightly, even if she was so terribly sick of hearing about it nearly every day. Although  
whoever had made this movie obviously did not know about the truth behind the calamity, there  
was still no reason to treat it with so little regard. "Shinji?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"This film was supposed to provide the public with an accurate description of the events  
surrounding the Second Impact, right?"  
  
"Well, yeah. I mean, you and I know that it isn't the truth, but very few people are  
privy to that information, and considerably less were at the time it occurred."  
  
"I know that! What I'm trying to say is, why is this acting so terrible? Didn't the   
movie studio feel that this film was important enough to invest in decent actors? I mean, we're  
talking about a pivotal event in the history of the world here! How can they treat it with such  
little respect?"  
  
"Oh, come on Asuka! I've never known you to read so much into something! I mean, listen  
to this woman! She's spouting and rehashing lines from cliché disaster movies! When something   
is this bad, you've no choice but to just sit back and laugh."  
  
"It just. . .it really bothers me! You know, we go out there and risk our necks and give  
up our youth to try and save what's left of the human race! You think they'd at least be  
grateful! But this is the kind of tribute we get! It's like those assholes back on that  
aircraft carrier! Complain, complain, complain! They have absolutely no idea!"  
  
"Well, I suppose you just can't go through life expecting everyone to understand. I  
notice that I've actually felt a lot happier recently. I've just. . .you know, it's not a  
perfect life, but you just have to learn to let things flow. I used to feel at odds with so  
many different things. But I'm starting to learn that that kind of pain is only caused by  
running away. When you just let things be, let them happen, you're a lot happier."  
  
"Hmpf! Since when did you turn so philosophical?"  
  
"I haven't really gotten all that philosophical, I'm just trying to explain it to you."  
  
"Explain what?"  
  
"I-I don't know." Asuka growled and surpressed an insult. "Hey, you have to try to look  
at it from this standpoint. Things haven't been all that bad lately. We didn't even have to  
fight the last Angel, remember?"  
  
"Oh, yes, how could I ever forget?! Instead we got to sit trapped in our entry plugs for  
God knows how long, and we were naked to boot!"  
  
Shinji blushed. That was one detail he had been trying to forget. Trying to cover his  
embarrassment, the boy reached over into Asuka's lap where the popcorn tub was and tried to  
scoop some out. Unfortunately, he missed, his hand coming to rest on Asuka's leg instead. That  
was it. He was dead. He knew that there was no way he was getting out of this theater alive.  
Fortunately for Ikari though, Asuka's will to defeat Shinji at the little game they were   
playing was stronger. "Shinji." She stated coldly.  
  
"Ah, er, uh, yes?" He asked shakily.  
  
"You and I. . .this afternoon we got a lot out of our systems, didn't we?"  
  
Shinji recalled the incident that had passed between them and had to agree. "Yes." He  
felt confused. Why was she bringing this up? He thought she had said that she wanted to forget  
about their conversation.  
  
"Good. And we were able to come away from that and go back to normal, right?"  
  
He dared not to hesitate. "Yes."  
  
"Good. So, we are friends, right?"  
  
"Friends?" It was difficult to imagine the endless antagonism between himself and this  
girl as something akin to friendship. "I-I guess."  
  
"And we have each saved each other's lives."  
  
Shinji seemed to remember that Asuka's "saving" of him had been a tad bit forced, but  
her statement was nonetheless true. "Yes."  
  
"And we have a little bet going between us."  
  
"Yeah, but technically you already lost it."  
  
Asuka ignored his comment. She wouldn't allow him to derail her, there was no way she  
was going to allow him to get away with whatever he felt like. It was time to put Shinji in his  
place, and she was going to do it in such a way that he couldn't accuse her of insulting him  
and lose the bet. "Then that is why I am going to let you take your hand off my leg without  
fear of death."  
  
"O-okay." Shinji very, very carefully lifted his hand, and resisted the urge to take his  
other hand and guide the offending one into the popcorn bucket."  
  
Then, in cold words that had almost no emotion but felt extremely threatening  
nevertheless, Asuka said, "Don't ever do that again." Shinji made a mental note to comply.  
Asuka's voice was always loaded with emotion. Hearing her speak like that sent chills through  
him. The fact that it had even happened worried him as well. Was it possible that he was  
becoming the pervert that Asuka constantly accused him of being? No, he didn't see how. That  
just wasn't his style.  
  
Shinji sighed and returned his attentions to the movie. This wasn't coming together for  
him at all. How dare he expect it to? There wasn't anything sane about any of this. He had to  
question whether he had the right to even consider pursuing Asuka. And what if he did? It  
wasn't as though he was going to get anywhere. Maybe Misato was wrong after all. Maybe it  
wasn't a good situation. Maybe he would just be better off forgetting the whole thing while he  
could still save face...  
  
No. NO! He couldn't do it! Damnation, he couldn't help it. In that moment, he hated  
himself. He knew that he was undeniably falling for her, a little more each day. Damn him, and  
damn her. Why did she have to be so close? Why couldn't she just live somewhere else, on the  
other side of the city? Why did she have to be right under his nose all the time? Every time he  
turned around, she was there, complaining about something or insulting him. She always had  
something to hide, yet she knew almost all of his secrets. People rarely left him alone when he  
wanted to be alone, but no one dared come anywhere near the mighty Asuka of she requested to be  
left in peace. Who the hell was she to be able to pull that sort of thing off? It wasn't right,  
not at all. And yet inside he knew that his life had taken some undeniable terms since she had  
come into it. It was because of her that he was beginning to see more clearly. If only there  
was some way he could understand her better, knock a hole in that wall of hers and cut through  
all of her bullshit. He didn't want her to just fall into his arms, he wanted her to be more  
open with him, to tell him how she felt, to tell him the things that she didn't like, and  
generally to be his friend. It wasn't right that she did some of the things that she did, not  
at all. It was painful for him, and she knew it. So why was she so cruel? Because she felt that  
she had to be, that it was her way of protection?  
  
It was in that moment that Shinji devised a little scheme. One chance for open honesty  
between the two of them. It was what he longed for more than anything else, but it was perhaps  
asking a bit too much. It was difficult to say, Asuka might very well go along with it to get  
out of kitchen duty, then again she might not. Of course, he still had to make sure that she  
got stuck with the kitchen chores. It was a pity, that he was going to have to push the object  
of his affection too far so that she would blow up. He hated to antagonize her, or anyone else  
for that matter. He generally thought of himself as a peacekeeper.  
  
"It's a pity." He said quietly, but loud enough for Asuka to hear him.  
  
"What is?" she responded.  
  
"That you could make such a profound statement like that one but still have no idea how  
to read your kanji."  
  
Asuka looked at him with a death glare, her hands crushing the popcorn tub at the sides.  
  
"Do you have something to say, Third Child?" Her face was turning an angry red, and her  
eyes stared dagger after dagger at him.  
  
"Yes. I think that you are quite intelligent, but that it just might not be possible for  
you to learn all the intricacies of our language. It isn't your fault, really. The Japanese  
language grew out of our isolation, and it really doesn't have anything in common with most of  
the other languages of the world. Actually, I'm quite impressed at how well you speak it,  
Asuka. Don't let it get you down, kanji is very difficult."  
  
How dare he. HOW--DARE--HE! How the hell could he just sit there and proceed to tell her  
what she can and can't do! "Listen here you jerk! I can do anything! I was going to college  
while you were still in the fifth grade! Do you honestly think a little thing like your kanji  
is going to hold me back?!! Guess again, baka!"  
  
"All right, I take it back. Maybe I was wrong. My mistake."  
  
"You're damned right it was a mistake!!"  
  
"By the way, I win."  
  
"What?" Asuka had to think for a moment. He was right, she had insulted him. But he had  
provoked her. "It doesn't count! You provoked me!"  
  
"No, I didn't. I never raised my voice to you or called you any names. All I did was  
give you my uninformed opinion about the Japanese language. You jumped to conclusions."  
  
A guttural sound could be heard coming from Asuka's throat. "Damn you! I hate you! Fine,  
bets off, I lose! I don't mind doing the dishes as long as I can kick your ass first!!!" Shinji  
did the only thing he knew how to do. He jumped out of his seat and ran. He heard Asuka get up  
after him. The two ran around the theater, but at some point Shinji found an indentation in the  
wall and pressed himself against it. Asuka ran past him, and seconds later Shinji dove out into  
one of the rows, laying himself underneath a row of seats. He was sure that if he stayed very  
quiet, Asuka wouldn't find him, and she would eventually tire and lose interest. This wasn't  
going well, not at all. He kept finding ways to antagonize her instead of being nice to her.  
Why oh why couldn't he just fall for a normal girl?  
  
"Shinji! When I find you I am going to grind you into pieces and feed you to Pen-Pen!"  
  
Shinji winced and looked at his watch, activating the tiny light on the face. It was  
just past 4:30. Another hour and a half to go. Somehow, he would make it, he had to. He had a  
real idea now, if he could just manage to survive. He would challenge Asuka. Somewhere deep  
inside the recesses of Shinji's mind, the rational half of him asked whether he wanted daises  
or chrysanthemums. He quickly turned that part of him off. He couldn't afford to get himself  
hung up, and he couldn't afford to keep doubting himself. He had committed himself to the  
pursuit of Asuka, he now had to follow through with it. How could he face himself every morning  
if he didn't? Shinji though he heard a light footstep nearby and instantly he held his breath.  
God only knew what she would do to him if she found him while she was still riled up. He had to  
survive long enough to get just five minutes of honesty. That's all he required.  
  
For her part, Asuka tip-toed her way up to Shinji in pleasure, approaching from an  
adjacent row so that he would not be able to see her walk past. It had taken her some doing to  
find out where he had gone, but she had figured it out by ducking down on the floor and  
scanning under each and every sheet. If Shinji had been wearing anything but a white shirt, she  
probably wouldn't have been able to find him. Asuka was now standing over her roommate, in the  
row just behind him. "Shinji."  
  
Shinji wanted to run, but he couldn't. He had moved himself into a position that was not  
exactly easy to get out of. "Ahhh! Asuka! I'm sorry!"  
  
"Oh, no, Shinji, it's really quite all right."  
  
He didn't like this. There was something sickeningly sweet about her voice. Something  
that struck fear into his soul. Yes, he was afraid of her. Not just of what she might do to him  
now, but what she might do to him in the long run. He didn't have time to contemplate this any  
longer though."  
  
"You got up so quickly that you left this behind. I wouldn't want it to go to waste."  
Asuka promptly overturned the remaining contents of the popcorn onto him. Just what he needed,  
to smell of butter and salt. He was definitely going to need a change of clothes before going  
to school now. Before he had time to react, he felt something ice cold on the crotch of his  
pants. He added a shower to his 'to do' list when they got back to the apartment. That amount  
of soda would not only soak his pants, but bleed through onto his skin. He didn't relish being  
sticky in that area all day. "I thought you might like a little something to wash that down  
with. Here, you can finish mine as well if you like." Shinji saw the cup turning over and  
managed to roll himself out of the way to avoid a second onslaught of the sticky liquid.  
Rolling out from under the seats, Shinji pulled himself to a standing position.  
  
"Okay, fine, I deserved that."  
  
Asuka's only reply was a snort.   
  
"I suppose you want to leave?"  
  
"What time is it?" Asuka queried in an annoyed voice.  
  
"A little after 4:30."  
  
"Oh, that's just great! I have to spend a whole 'nother hour and a half with you like  
this! This is ridiculous! It isn't fair of Misato at all! Forget this, I'm going my own way!"  
She turned to leave.  
  
"No! Don't! Come on Asuka, it was funny! I mean, look at me!" Asuka turned her body  
around enough to take a look at the shy boy. He wasn't lying. He had pieces of popcorn stuck to  
him and he looked as though he had soiled himself. "Let's stay, Asuka, come on. It was all in  
good fun, right?"  
  
Maybe, maybe not. The fiery Eva pilot really didn't know. Asuka quickly weighed over the  
options in her mind. She could leave and amuse herself for the next ninety minutes, but she  
might run into some perverts or something. Not that she couldn't take care of herself, but why  
should she stick her neck out? Over Shinji? He wasn't with getting so annoyed over! Even if he  
was a wimp and a pervert.  
  
"All right." She grumbled at length. "I'll stay. But don't you dare try to touch me or  
insult me again!"  
  
"I promise."  
  
She grinned at him. "Baka."  
  
Shinji breathed a sigh of relief. This was turning out to be a lot more complex than he  
could have ever imagined, and it was only just beginning.....  
  
************************************************************************  
  
Legal Lingo-- I don't have anything to do with Neon Genesis Evangelion. I didn't produce it, I  
didn't create it, and I don't pretend to have! This series is copyright by Gainax, A.D.V. Films  
holds the rights to the English Language Version. The author makes no claim whatsoever to any  
of the characters or the setting contained within this work, merely the situation in which they  
have been placed. Standard disclaimers apply. No substitutions, exchanges, or refunds.  
Batteries not included. Thanks you've all been a great crowd, don't forget to tip your servers  
on the way out. Amen.  
  
************************************************************************  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	6. Ambivalent Atmosphere

Round Perdition's Flames  
  
Chapter 5  
  
"Ambivalent Atmosphere"  
  
  
It's a funny feeling that we get inside of us, we human beings. Our world can be  
crashing down around us, but our chief concern is still with more abstract things. People in  
the throes of death have passed concerned not at all for themselves, but rather for the loved  
one they leave behind. Sometimes our basic nature for survival is overridden by our desire to  
protect those close to us. More confusing is the way we treat those that we care about. Some   
people express it openly, others will confide in a friend but not reveal their feelings to the  
one they are towards. Still others will deny their true feelings to everyone, yet the most  
dangerous of all are those who deny their feelings not only to others, but to themselves as  
well. These are the saddest of them all, those who have lost something inside. Life is the  
story of many such people, this tale is just a recount of a few of them. . .  
  
  
--Saturday--  
  
6:30 A.M. approached and Major Misato Katsuragi forced herself to climb out of bed. What  
the hell, she hadn't really slept anyway! Her body felt as though it had been on a train ride  
through hell. Or perhaps it had been under the train on that particular journey. In either  
case, she didn't feel her best. Rather hopelessly, she wondered why she had been putting in  
such long hours as of late. She understood the need to be ready at a moment's notice, but this  
could easily get ridiculous. Fortunately for her, she knew that after this shift, she wouldn't  
have to report again until the following evening, barring an emergency, of course.  
  
The fog slowly began to lift from her mind. She was tired, dead tired, but she was just  
going to have to deal with it. She couldn't walk into headquarters looking as though she were  
about to pass out, the Commanders wouldn't be pleased. And with her recent promotion, she  
couldn't afford to look like she wasn't on the ball.  
  
"Things to do, things to do." She said aloud. She had to get dressed. She had to get a  
bite to eat. She had to make sure Pen-Pen was stocked up on food. Fumbling around for something  
fitting to wear, she went through her usual morning routine. It always took her at least a  
minute to find a relatively clean pair of bra and panties, then she had to go through the  
trouble of finding what outfit would suit the day's occasion-this was often the first clean and  
matching one she found. She had no idea where her jacket was, though, she hoped Shinji did. He  
usually kept track of these kinds of things. As she opened the door to her bedroom, a wonderful  
yet unfamiliar smell greeted her.  
  
"Ouch!" she heard a familiar voice cry out in pain. "What did you go and do that for?"  
  
"Don't touch! Idiot! Just watch and you might learn something!" Asuka whacked her  
spatula against the pan again to emphasize her point.  
  
Misato couldn't stand it any longer. "What is going on out here?" the guardian asked.  
  
"Oh, hi Misato! Asuka was just showing me how to make eggs and ham." Shinji replied with  
a smile.  
  
"Guten morgen, Misato. Yeah, I'm tired of eating rice every damn morning."  
  
"Hey, I do know how to cook other things! I think my old teacher even showed me how to  
make eggs once, but it's been so long since I've used them. . ."  
  
"Well, you're in luck, this just happens to be one of my many specialties."  
  
"Where did you two get eggs and ham from? I don't recall buying any."  
  
"Shinji had some money leftover, so we decided to have a nice breakfast. We even brought  
some back here for you."  
  
Misato half-blushed. "Gee you two, I'm so touched that you thought of me, but how come  
you didn't go out and get a nice breakfast by yourselves in a restaurant?"  
  
"Do you think I want to be seen in a restaurant with him when you're not there?! People  
we're think we're dating! Ooh, yuck, that's soooo gross!!" She shivered slightly.  
  
Shinji did his best not to react to her comment. "Actually, I thought it was because our  
school stuff is here, so we would have had to come back anyway."  
  
"Oh. . .well. . .that to." Asuka responded. She followed it up by expertly slipping the  
spatula underneath an egg and plopping it onto a nearby plate. "There, that ought to be  
perfect. Care to try, Misato?"  
  
"I, uh. . ." was the only reply she got.  
  
"If we were brave enough to try your cooking, the least you can do is repay us! You try  
Shinji's all the time, what about mine?"  
  
"All right, all right." Misato did her best to think back on all the times in her life  
she had eaten eggs, which wasn't all that often. She didn't care for them very much. They  
weren't awful, but they just weren't really her thing.  
  
Asuka smiled at her as she received the plate and a fork. "Try it! Try it!"  
  
"Okay, here goes!" She cut a piece of the white off with the side of her fork and  
promptly stuck it into her mouth, not wanting to prolong the moment. |Hey, the kid's not too  
bad at this.| she thought to herself. "It's pretty good, Asuka."  
  
"Just pretty good?" Her voice had a definite disappointment factor in it.  
  
"Here, let me try." said Shinji.  
  
Asuka nodded slightly and slid one of the remaining eggs onto a plate he had picked up.  
Shinji carefully broke the yolk of the egg and took a bite. He was forced to admit that it was  
pretty tasty. That's good, Asuka."  
  
"Oh I can't stand this!" the young girl yelled. She lifted the last egg out of the pan  
with the spatula and scooped it into her mouth, chewing vigorously. "Yuck! I didn't add the  
salt! It would have been much better with salt!"  
  
"I thought it was fine." Shinji replied, trying to console her.  
  
"If I had done it right, you would have been raving about it, stupid! Oh, forget it! I  
know that I got this right!" She motioned to the three hamsteaks sizzling in the pan.  
  
"Asuka, don't you think that's a bit rich for breakfast?" Shinji asked her.  
  
Asuka sighed. "Such a boring little boy, I forgot that being Japanese has ruined you.  
It's just ham, not a German chocolate cake!"   
  
"Oh." Was the only thing he could think of saying.  
  
Misato pulled Shinji aside. "Shinji, could you help me look for my jacket, please?"  
  
"Oh, uh, sure Misato." He replied. "I'll be right back, Asuka."  
  
"Sure, go ahead and run away from my cooking. You'll never learn anything that way!"  
  
Shinji ignored her remark and met Misato in the living room. "Didn't you leave it near  
the sofa, Misato?"  
  
"Did I?" She really had no clue as to its location, she didn't remember all that much  
about yesterday in general. Misato rummaged around through the dirty laundry slung over the  
sofa until she found it.  
  
"I'm sorry, I didn't have a chance to clean up around here yesterday."  
  
"You don't have to apologize, Shinji, I know that sometimes you can be just as busy as I  
am. Besides, I used to keep the place much filthier than this. So, uh," she lowered her voice  
to a whisper, "how did it go this morning, with, you know. . ."  
  
"Oh, that, well. . ." Shinji moved his hand in front of him in an erratic, downward  
motion, then made an exploding noise.  
  
"That bad, huh?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"I'd say you got off easy. You do know that your quest is borderline impossible, after  
all. It might not hurt to keep in mind that she has feelings, you know."  
  
"Of course I know that! They're a major concern of mine! Though with the way she treats  
me, I really don't know why."  
  
"Some questions are best left unanswered."  
  
"I think you may be right. So now what should I do?"  
  
"Well, you just have to be strong and keep trying. Just don't you dare do anything to  
hurt her!"  
  
"I don't suppose you could put the same restrictions on her?"  
  
"Sorry, but you're the one who expressed an interest in her, not the other way around.  
You know what your problem is? It's that she perceives you as a weak person. You need to do  
something about that."  
  
"But. . .I am a weak person."  
  
"Oh knock it off! Weak people don't pilot Evas, Shinji."  
  
"If you say so."  
  
"I do say so! You just don't give yourself any credit."  
  
"I'm not looking for credit! Misato. . .weren't you listening a couple of nights ago  
when we went out to dinner? I want my father to respect me and be proud of me. . .but, when  
everything is said and done, I really don't care what people remember about Shinji Ikari. It  
doesn't matter to me how many Angels I've killed."  
  
"All I'm saying is that you should take a little pride in what you do. Like Asuka."  
  
"Misato? I think she sometimes gets--"  
  
"Okay, okay, bad example!" It's just, I don't want you to feel so passive about it, like  
Rei does. I know that piloting Eva isn't really what you want, you're doing it for ulterior  
motives."  
  
"So what if I am?"  
  
"It's not very rewarding to yourself. Just take a little pride in it, all right? You  
don't have to get like Asuka over it, but, do you understand?"  
  
"I think so."  
  
"Good." Misato slipped her jacket on and prepared to leave. "By the way, how do I look  
this morning?"  
  
"Like you just pulled a triple shift."  
  
"Oh shut up! I've got to get going. Oh, hey, listen Shinji!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"I invited Ritsuko over for dinner this evening, after your tests. Think you can cook up  
something? Oh, and tell Asuka I want her to make some bread too."  
  
"Misato! Come on, I'm not going to be at my best after a long day of Saturday school and  
a synch test. And I can't make her something that isn't perfect, not after what you made the  
last time."  
  
"Why the hell is everyone harping about my cooking lately? And what do you expect me to  
do? My bank account says I can't afford to take 4 people out to dinner, not with the wedding I  
have coming up."  
  
"Well. . .I still have money left over, about enough to pay for Asuka and myself. It's  
your money anyway."  
  
"So you're saying instead of making us a nice, homecooked meal, you'd rather we went  
out?"  
"Well, pretty much, yes."  
  
Misato stared at him for a moment. "All right, fine, I'll talk to Ritsuko about it  
today."  
  
"Will you be picking us up from school tonight or do we walk?"  
  
"I'd appreciate it if you walk, because the commanders are due back tomorrow, and I  
still have a lot of boring paperwork to get done."  
  
"All right."  
  
"Good. Okay, see you tonight Shinji!" She raised her voice. "Bye Asuka!"  
  
"Yeah, see you later!" Asuka's distant voice returned the farewell.  
  
"Oh, and Shinji?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Don't get discouraged." With those words, she walked out the door, closing it behind  
her.  
  
"Right." The boy said absent-mindedly, then looked at his watch. 7:00! "Oh, crud.  
Asuka!" he called, running back into the kitchen.  
  
"What?" she responded, chewing on a piece of ham and working the other steaks over in the pan.  
  
"It's 7:00! We have to get moving!"  
  
"What? Scheisse!" Asuka turned the burner off and just left the pan on the stove, then  
flew into her room to get her bag ready.  
  
She promptly returned to find Shinji messing around with food. "What the hell are you  
doing?" she asked, annoyed. "We have to go and you're making yourself breakfast, as though my  
cooking isn't good enough for you! Honestly, you and Misato are so ungrateful!"  
  
"Actually, I'm making our lunches. You'd be pretty upset if we didn't have anything to  
eat, now wouldn't you?" He smiled at her.  
  
"Oh, well, I, th-thank you for remembering."  
  
"You're welcome. So, how do you feel about tonight?"  
  
"You mean the tests? Why should I care? Like we don't already know who's going to get  
the best score?"  
  
"No, I meant. . .having dinner, with Ritsuko."  
  
"I don't know. I don't really know Dr. Akagi all that well, to tell you the truth."  
  
"We'll probably be going out somewhere."  
  
"Is Kaji coming too?" Asuka's face lit up with hope.  
  
"I have no idea. I suppose you'll just have to ask Ritsuko or Misato about that later  
this evening." Shinji did his best to sound both non-complacent and non-chalant. He couldn't  
expect different behavior from her. He had to face it, she had a major crush on Kaji, and he  
had no claim on Asuka whatsoever. Besides, after doing some thinking, he had found that there  
was no reason for him to be overly jealous of Kaji. The man hadn't made any moves on the young  
girl, and he didn't do anything to overly encourage her advances. It was just her own silly  
crush, and everyone knew it, he suspected that even Asuka knew it. He was just trying to keep  
from hurting her, so he did nothing to either encourage or discourage her, in hopes that she  
would lose interest and turn her attentions to someone more suitable. It was an issue of  
transference, something he definitely had to talk with Kaji about. If the two men could somehow  
come up with a way to transfer Asuka's attentions from the one to the other. . .but how to do  
such a thing? He hated thinking like this. Asuka is a living, breathing person. She wasn't some  
sort of reward to be manipulated, even if she sometimes deserved to be treated as such.  
  
"Shinji? Shinji!" Asuka yelled at him.  
  
Shinji snapped out of his thoughts and turned to look at the girl.  
  
"Can't you go any faster?! We're going to be late!"  
  
"Do you want it fast or do you want it right?"  
  
"Both of course! Idiot!"  
  
"You know, you really should relax a bit more. Just go with the flow. If we're late,  
we're late. What's the worst that will happen? Hikari will scold us and give us extra chores?  
Sensei will be annoyed and ask us to get to his class on time? We're relatively good students  
and we don't cause much trouble."  
  
"What's gotten into you?"  
  
As tempted as Shinji was to say, "you," he gave a much more non-committal answer. "I  
don't know."  
  
"What do you mean, you don't know? I've never heard you say anything like that before!"  
  
"I don't know. I'm sorry."  
Asuka rolled her eyes. His previous sentence sounded much more like the Shinji she knew.  
"Just leave it go. I'll share some of Hikari's lunch today."  
  
"Yeah, but what about me?"  
  
"I don't know, ask Kensuke for some his."  
  
"He isn't planning on feeding me! It's bad enough he has to feed himself!"  
  
"Fine, then ask Toji! I really don't care!"  
  
"Toji always has to buy his lunch from the school store, there's no one to make him  
lunch."  
  
Asuka growled at her roommate but otherwise couldn't come up with much of a comment.  
"Well, you don't have enough time to make rice to go with it!"  
  
"True enough. Fine, have it your way then." Shinji left a half-finished sandwich lying  
on the counter and went to gather his books. He was fine, filled enough on both breakfast, and  
the popcorn he had consumed at the theater, but more importantly on the events of the last  
several hours. They were cherished memories to the boy, even if they were somewhat awkward and  
difficult. Hah! This was nothing, mere child's play considering what he was up against. Perhaps  
his task was somewhat futile, but that also served to make it a bit noble. It didn't matter  
much anyway, this was his personal fight, not only with the girl, but with himself. He only  
wished that he could take his own advice under better guidance. He needed to relax and just go  
with the flow a bit more. Trying to exercise too much control over life only brought about  
frustration, as he well understood. But it was so difficult. When you wanted something so badly  
but you didn't know how to express it, you didn't really know what to do about it, how to  
think, how to act, how to speak. Love may be universal, but Shinji was beginning to understand  
that wherever it was, its polar opposite was usually close by.  
  
"So, are we going to school today, or are we just going to stand around in the kitchen  
for the rest of the day?"  
  
"I'm coming already!" Shinji soon appeared in the kitchen doorway, ready for another  
wonderful day of school.  
  
"You really are absolutely hopeless. Come on, let's go. We wouldn't want to keep  
everyone waiting, now would we?" There was something mischievous and sinister about her voice,  
something that nearly sent a shiver down Shinji's spine. There was absolutely no two ways about  
it, Asuka was nothing if not a very dangerous woman. And as the two walked out of Misato's  
apartment and down to the sidewalk towards school, Shinji suddenly became aware that she had a  
much greater capacity to harm him than he had previously considered.  
  
  
Greetings all! It's been a few weeks, and definitely time I submitted another chapter of this  
story, I'd say. I've been playing around with the brand new computer the last two weeks, which  
is why I took so long to get this out. Even with the extra hours I put in on this chapter, I  
still couldn't find the time to work in all of the characters I wanted to in this chapter, and  
I just didn't have the heart to wait yet another week. It's all right, the story is beginning  
to grow far beyond its original horizons, and consequently it has grown a lot larger than it's  
original intended length. It may not seem like it now, but trust me when I say that this has  
become a lot more than just a Shinji/Asuka fanfic. If you want more clarification than that  
(without spoiling the entire story of course), then simply e-mail the author and he'll be only  
too obliged to give more specifics.  
  
  
  
The necessary Legal Lingo junk-In writing this story, the author is in no way attempting to take  
credit for Neon Genesis Evangelion or any of the characters contained therein. This is a work  
contributed to Public Domain, and the author has not been paid so much as a penny for this  
story. Neon Genesis Evangelion is copyrighted by Gainax, A.D.V. Films holds the rights  
(hostage?) to the English Language Version.  
  
Reading this fanfic is not guaranteed to help you lose weight!  
  
  
  



	7. Quandry

  
Round Perdition's Flames  
  
Part VI  
  
"Quandry"  
  
  
  
--Saturday--  
  
  
Lagging behind again. I knew it. Why should I even tolerate his presence here anyway?  
All he ever does is get in my way. Misato keeps him around like some sort of pet so she can  
feel better about herself. If she takes care of him, it helps her to face down her own  
inadequacies.  
  
Look at how pathetic he is! He's just shuffling along, like he's dragging the whole  
weight of the world to school with him! Life is tough, but does he have to act like he's the  
only one who has to deal with it? It's not as though he's the only person that has to cope with   
unpleasantness in their life.   
  
Asuka smirked to herself as all of these thoughts ran through her head. Despite his   
relative success, maybe Shinji Ikari wasn't as invincible as he had seemed to be. Good. It was  
time for people to start paying attention to her, instead of pampering their precious little   
Shinji. She had been slighted enough, thank you very much! What was it with them, anyway?  
Didn't they notice how much of a better synch ratio she had than that wimp? It was obvious to   
anyone with half a brain that she could do what he did with both of Unit-02's hands tied behind  
its back! In every mission so far, that spineless little boy had managed to siphon off some of  
her glory. Well, it was time for that to stop. Without her, he would have died a long time   
ago! Why, just recently, she had nailed that 10th Angel but good. And now they were giving   
Shinji the credit for intercepting the target! What was with Misato and Commander Ikari?!! Were  
they so blind that they couldn't see her prog knife stabbing that thing to its death? No, this  
had to stop. She did all the work, and Shinji got all the credit.   
  
A small part of her wondered if she was wasting her time. Why should they care about  
her, anyway? All she did was pilot Eva. She had nothing else to offer them, after all. Offering  
herself meant offering all she was, and piloting Eva were the only skills she had that anyone  
cared about. That was all she was, an Eva pilot. Then again, she had no need to be anything  
more. What the world needed now more than anything else was someone to fight for its continued  
right to exist, someone to fight for the human race. Being an Eva Pilot was something  
wonderful, if often painful. It was where she belonged. How else would she be able to prove  
her worth to the world than by covering its proverbial ass?   
  
Not that it did her much good anyways. The Invincible Shinji always got all the credit.  
She could die in the next Angel Attack, and it wouldn't matter. Then Shinji could get all of  
Misato's attention. Commander Ikari wouldn't care, so long as he had his precious Wondergirl.  
She was certain that Dr. Akagi would appreciate it if she just disappeared. She didn't have  
any real friends to speak of, just Hikari. And if she was gone, than Hikari could focus her  
attentions on her beloved Toji instead of wasting her time with herself.  
  
She had to stop thinking like this. It didn't matter what any of them thought. She lived  
for herself, not for them. She wouldn't allow other people's thoughts of her to rule her life.  
The fact that she was alive was justification enough for her existence.   
Look at him. Still lagging behind. Walking to school as though it was his last mile.  
What kind of idiots would want to entrust the future of the human race to someone like him?  
People of obvious low intelligence, that was for sure. Shinji Ikari was nothing more than a  
prop being held up by her under appreciated talents.   
  
"Shinji! Get your ass in gear! Or do you want to be late?!" Asuka couldn't help but  
notice how the boy made no motion whatsoever in response to her comment, as though he hadn't  
even heard her, though she knew this wasn't true. What was with him? He should be grateful,  
she had just allowed him to spend most of that morning in her presence. The worst thing about  
all of it was that she had sort of enjoyed it. She definitely wasn't looking to do it again  
anytime soon, in fact, Misato still owed her big time, as far as she was concerned. But all  
things considered, it really hadn't been all that bad. He had been relatively nice to her.  
Maybe he hadn't been perfect, but at least he didn't run around calling her "Demon Girl," or  
slobbering all over her, like many a boy did, and he wasn't a complete and total bore, if only  
because he was like her toy.   
  
So why was she suddenly so concerened about his actions?  
  
  
"Hey, Ayanami isn't here today." Those were the first words anyone had heard out of  
Shinji Ikari's mouth all morning. Even when he had finally arrived, he had only acknowledged  
his friends with a slight wave, heading straight for his desk and lying his head down on top  
of it.  
  
"Do you have any idea where she is, Shinji?" asked a curious Kensuke.  
  
Shinji sighed. "Not really, no, although I'll bet that she's with my father....."  
  
Toji smirked. "Keeping tabs on her?"  
  
"No!" Shinji blushed. "I-I really don't know where she is! It's just that I often see  
her with Father, so, I figured....."  
  
"I hear you. Just as well, we wouldn't want to make your 'wife' over there jealous."  
Toji stated, jerking a thumb in Asuka's direction. Blushing a little more, Shinji followed the  
direction of Toji's thumb to see Hikari and Asuka having an enthusiastic conversation about  
whatever it is that girls talk about.  
  
"Hey! Now wait a second here! Kensuke is the one who asked about Rei!"  
  
Kensuke took a step backwards. "That's true, isn't it?" spoke Toji, who grinned  
mischeviously at Aida.  
  
"But Shinji is the one who's always staring at Ayanami!" Kensuke protested.  
  
"Guys, look, this really isn't getting us anywhere, so let's just drop it." suggested  
Shinji.  
  
"For now." Toji agreed, looking at his two comrades as though he was attempting to sum  
up how trustworthy they were.   
  
"So, Shinji, how come up until now you've been so quiet this morning?" Kensuke wondered  
aloud.  
  
"No special reason. I guess I just have a lot on my mind."  
  
"I would too, if I lived with Misato." Kensuke and Toji grinned while Shinji rolled his  
eyes.  
"It's just the time of the year is all. I always get reflective upon the anniversary  
of...my mother's.....passing......"  
  
"Oh."  
  
"I'm sorry, Shinji. I didn't know." Toji patted Ikari on the shoulder. "Hey, I  
understand."  
  
"No, it's okay, don't worry about it." Shinji smiled. "You didn't know, and I'm not  
exactly in the habit of telling people."  
  
"Hey, let's not let it get us down. How's about we men have a night out on the town?  
Just the three of us?"  
  
"I wish I could." Shinji empathized, "but I'm afraid duty calls tonight. And after that  
I have to spend some 'quality' time with Misato and Asuka, and Ritsuko." he added.  
  
"Aw man, that really stinks. You're turning down a good time with us to be poked and  
prodded by NERV?"  
  
"I'd let them poke me all night if it meant I got to be with Misato later on!" Kensuke  
spoke with enthusiasm.  
  
"Hmmm, I see your point." Toji added.  
  
"I'm glad one of us does." Shinji commented, gazing in the direction where Rei would  
normally be sitting.   
  
Kensuke looked at Shinji, following his gaze, and sighed. "Looks like he's got a one  
track mind this morning."   
  
"It's not like that!"  
  
"Then exactly how is it?" inquired Toji.  
  
"I-I don't know. But it's not what you're thinking. It's different."  
  
"Yeah? Well it's also a bit strange!"  
  
Shinji couldn't argue with his friend on that one, it was rather strange. What was with  
his devotion to Ayanami that had led him down many a painful path since that fateful day he  
had arrived in Tokyo-3? What was driving him down this strange and frightening course? The  
sudden thought made Ikari glad to have Asuka around, and not just because he was beginning to  
be attracted to her. Since Asuka was so hellbent on people paying attention to her, her  
presence forced a lot of his intentions off of Ayanami. Good, maybe now he wouldn't do such  
stupid and brash things that brought more unwelcome pain into his life. Now if he could just  
push this benefit into actual pleasure, maybe he would be a lot happier.....  
  
  
  
  
"Could she have gotten lost *again*?" Ritsuko shouted in exasperation, then looked down  
at her coffee mug. How does anything we do around here stay on schedule when the Head of  
Operations is never on time?!"  
  
"Sir, maybe there's something we're overlooking. When it comes right down to it, the  
Major does her job pretty well." Maya offered.  
  
"Granted she does good work when she's here, but as for overlooking anything, well,  
let's just say you don't know the Major like I do."  
  
"Sir?"  
  
"One day you'll understand, Maya. One day."  
  
"I'll. . .just have to take your word for that."  
  
"That you will." Dr. Akagi smiled. "looking forward to those tests this evening?"  
  
Maya grimaced. "Ugh, no offense, but sometimes my opinions mirror those of the Second  
Child's when it comes to these tests."  
  
"Really?" Maya's comment earned her a raising of Ritsuko's right eyebrow.  
  
"Well, it's just, they're usually not all that exciting, although I do admit that  
sometimes some rather interesting data pops up."  
  
"Just because we're in the business of saving the world doesn't mean that there's never  
a dull moment, you know."   
  
"Oh, it isn't that at all. We see plenty of "action" for my tastes, believe that! No,  
it's just. . ."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I don't know. Lately I just don't feel as committed to my work as I used to."  
  
Ritsuko sighed. She had a pretty good idea what was bothering her assistant. "This is  
about the Dummy System, isn't it?"  
  
Maya's face began to turn a shade of red. "N-no, it has nothing to do with that."  
  
"Maya?" Ritusko's voice had taken on that tone that every mother uses and every child  
hates, that voice that asks whether or not one is telling the truth.  
  
Had Maya been in an American court, she would have taken the Fifth Amendment. "I...I-I,  
I. . ."  
  
"Mmmm?"  
  
"I JUST DON'T FEEL RIGHT ABOUT IT!" The remark was louder than normal but less than a   
shout.  
  
"I figured something was wrong."  
  
"How so?"  
  
"The way you've been acting lately, you've been avoiding me, Maya."  
  
"But I've talked to you everyday!"  
  
"Yes, but you've never said anything more than you felt absolutely necessary, you've  
kept our interaction down to a minimum, it seems. That isn't like you. You wouldn't have done  
that unless you felt that you had something to hide from me."  
  
"I was afraid that you were going to be angry. . ."  
  
"Why would I be angry, Maya? I'm a bit disappointed, but not angry. I expected a bit  
more from you than this. I thought that we knew each other better. Apparently I was mistaken."  
  
"Now wait, that isn't true! I was just afraid because the Dummy System has become such a  
big project and I'm having some real moral dilemmas with it!"  
  
"Oh, Maya, come now. That's pish-tosh, as they say. There's nothing to be concerened  
about. If anything, this is preferrable. The Dummy System will allow the Children some  
'cushion room'. Should anything happen to them, we will no longer be completely dependent on  
their abilities. That doesn't mean that we're going to replace the Children, but it does mean  
that they won't be burdened with quite as much responsibility. All in all I'd say that it's a  
win-win scenario. The Children get a break, and NERV, not to mention the world, gets a  
fallback."  
  
"Maybe so, but with all due respect to both you and this project, it just. . .bothers  
me."  
  
"You're young yet, Maya. Once you get into a position like mine, you'll have an easier  
time putting your personal feelings aside. I assure you, there's nothing to worry about. This  
system will not diminish our pilots in any way."  
  
Ibuki begged to differ, but her innate shyness prevented her from speaking up to her  
superior again. After all, the last thing she needed was for Dr. Akagi to begin having doubts  
about her. Her job was to do as she was told, to go to work on projects and report on their  
status, to assist Dr. Ritsuko Akagi in her seemingly endless research. NERV paid her for her  
work, not her opinions on whether its actions were "right" or not. But something inside the  
young woman insisted that this would lead down a dark road.  
  
  
  
  
Rei Ayanami sat on a bench in the girl's changing room. Her school uniform had been  
neatly hung in her locker. Her plug suit had been successfully donned and vacuum sealed. Dr.  
Akagi would be waiting for her. Yet she could not bring herself to stand up. Her body  
possessed the strength. Her mind possessed the knowledge and the need. Yet her soul. . .her  
soul wanted her to stay here. There was something waiting for her. She wasn't certain what.  
But she could feel that it was a force, a force greater than any she presently knew. It lay  
beyond, far ahead of her. She was afraid to take further steps forward, towards what was  
waiting for her. Commander Ikari. The commander beckoned her to go to him, to go forward. Why  
must she go forward? She did not wish to go further.   
  
And then she was standing. And with legs and eyes uncertain, yet no movement betraying  
this fact, Rei Ayanami stepped out of the door and walked towards her destiny. Onward.  
  
  
  
"Look inside your mind. Look inside your eye. Secret agent spy, come to see why,  
S-E-X-X-Y." Kaji sang with his music whilst drying himself enthusiastically, whipping the towel  
around him in a hurry. Satisfied with his work, he tied the fabric around his waist and  
proceeded to go to work on making himself presentable for the day. Stubble? Check. Scruffy  
hairdo? Check. Shower clean scent? Hmmm....after rummaging around for a proper can of  
deodorant, Kaji sprayed a generous dose under his arms and declared himself fit to goof off.  
Check! He quickly stepped back into the bedroom, anxious to get a move on. Since he had  
unintentionally woken up early anyway, he may as well get a jumpstart on the day and enjoy  
everything that it had to offer. Such as it was.  
  
But what was he going to do with all this time? He'd like to find Katsuragi and play  
with her, maybe take her down a shoe size or to and get her to at least treat him civilly.  
Unfortunately, he had already contacted Ritsuko about where the Major would be, and as it  
turned out his dear Misato was going to be on business for the day. That didn't however,  
account for her evening, and Kaji resolved to attach himself to Misato that night. Now, what  
could he do during the day? He could head to NERV and play with Dr. Akagi, but she probably  
wouldn't like his intruding. Still, perhaps it would give him a chance to work out a date that  
evening. Just himself, the Major, and the good doctor. Yeah, that would be nice. Just like old  
times. "Well, it's a start." he said to himself. Dressing quickly, Kaji headed out the door  
and into the geofront, wondering how long it would take for Asuka to call with some emergency  
or other and wearing a relaxed grin.  
  
  
  
"They didn't like your story?" Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki inquired with a voice that  
implied a mild interest.  
  
"Hmpf." Was the only reply he got for his troubles.  
  
"And what did they have to say?"  
  
"The old men attempted to 'put me in my place."  
  
"Did they succeed?"  
  
Commander Gendo Ikari merely shifted his glare to his subordinate. Fuyutsuki moved his  
hand in a gesture to let his superior know he wouldn't continue the ribbing. "What about the  
lance, Ikari?"  
  
"Indeed. The time is nearly at hand. Rei shall see to it. All is going according to the  
plan."  
  
"In that case," Kozou slid a small stack of papers towards Gendo, "did you read the  
latest report from security?"  
  
"Regarding?"  
  
"Why don't you take a look for yourself?"  
  
Gendo glared at the grey-haired man for a moment before picking up the papers and  
scanning them. "Very interesting." he said at length, setting them back on the table.  
  
"Do you think it's something we should keep our eyes on?"  
  
"At the moment, it is of no concern. We should not, however, deem it an impossibility."  
  
"As you wish."  
  
"Indeed. Is there anything else that you feel I should be aware of, Fuyutsuki?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Then let us move on to the remainder of today's business."  
  
"Rei will be with Dr. Akagi today?"  
  
"Correct. I had considered monitoring the simulation."  
  
"Do you still intend to?"  
  
"Yes. It is, of course, of great importance."  
  
"Of course. And once we have it in place, how do you propose you will remove it."  
  
A shadow of a smile flashed across Ikari's face for the briefest of moments.   
"Ingenuity."  
  
  
  
Whilst all of these "events" were taking place, Misato Katsuragi sat at her desk within  
NERV Headquarters, staring at the piles upon piles of paper in front of her. She would have  
given anything to shred them, they kept piling up after every Angel attack. For that reason,  
she was somewhat pleased in the fact that Ireul's assault had taken place right inside NERV,  
thus the civilian population had nothing to complain about for once. What she needed was a  
secretary. Paperwork wasn't exactly her thing. She had joined NERV to get revenge against the  
Angels, not listen to people's complaints.   
  
"This sucks."  
  
"Having a bad day, Misato?" Ritsuko asked playfully, peeking her head in.  
  
"I tell you what, Ritsuko, why don't we trade places? You sit here and do all my  
mindless paperwork, and I'll go out there and play with Rei."  
  
"No thanks, it's too much fun watching you from this end. But I tell you what, I'll do  
it if you can solve this equation." Ritsuko proferred a piece of paper scrawled with numbers,  
letters, and symbols the like of which Misato had never seen.  
  
"Errr..."  
  
"That's why I get to wear the white coat. But cheer up, I've brought you a present."  
  
"A present? For me? Really?"   
  
"Mmm-hmmm. Okay, come on in."  
  
"What the-!" Misato's jaw slammed into the table as Kaji stepped past Ritsuko into the  
crowded office.  
  
"Katsuragi! I sure had a heck of a time tracking you down. It took a lot of charming   
Ritsu here to get her to tell me where you are."  
  
"White coat! Hah! You need to be dragged away by some people in white coats,  
--Doctor--!"  
  
"Well, if I had known you weren't going to like it, I would have kept the receipt."  
Akagi did her best to sound hurt. "But, I guess I'll leave you two alone so you can spend some  
quality time together." Ritsuko quickly left, and shut the door behind her. "And so it  
begins." she said to herself, walking towards the Eva cage to meet Rei.  
  
"Katsuragi. Your office is starting to look......cluttered."  
  
Just what she needed, more frustration. Why did Kaji always invite himself into her  
personal business, anyway? Standing up from behind her desk, Kaji could just barely see her  
face from over the stacks of paper, but it clearly wore an annoyed expression. "Well,  
obviously you didn't see my apartment before Shinji moved in."  
  
"Correct. Come to think of it, I don't think I've seen your place here in Tokyo-3 at  
all....."  
  
"Let's try and keep it that way." She retorted. "What do you want?"  
  
"Other than you? Well, I did come to see what you were doing this evening...."  
  
"I've got plans, thank you."  
  
"What sort of plans?"  
  
"That really isn't any of your business, is it?"  
  
"Perhaps not, but forgive my curiosity."  
  
"I'm taking the kids and Ritsuko out to dinner, if you must know."  
  
"Great, sounds like fun. Dr. Akagi and I will be at your place after the kids' synch  
tests this evening. I'll see you there." Kaji then made a discreet exit from Misato's office,  
leaving the purple-haired woman standing there, mouth agape. *Great.* she laughed in a  
defeated manner. *Just great.*  
  
  
  
He was trying. He was trying, damn it! But he couldn't do it. He couldn't listen to his  
teacher do this to him one more time. Toji and Kensuke had a bet going as to how many more  
Second Impact lectures it would take before someone in the class jumped out the window in a  
last-ditch effort to retain their sanity. At the moment, Shinji was very close to making  
someone on that list a nice piece of change. That was it, he immediately turned his mind inward  
so that he didn't end up imitating the last scene of "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest." Very  
carefully, so as not to be noticed, Shinji gently leaned his head back and closed his eyes,  
his thoughts taking him to a better place. And boy did he have a lot to think about! Most  
notably, the changes that were coming into his life due to a recent decision of his. If there  
was one thing that Shinji had to admit, it was that his current situation ensured that he  
always had something to do. He always had planning to take care of. He had quickly realized  
that in order to have even an infinitesimal chance of pulling this off, he was going to have  
to stay one step ahead of Asuka. He needed to be prepared for her, needed to head off  
confrontations and things that would set her off. And Misato was right. He needed Asuka to see  
him as a strong person, while at the same time not take the center attention off of her when  
it came to piloting. Many different plans were formed and subsquently nixed during the course  
of that lecture, but there was one that outshone all the others, the one he had been  
trumpeting since earlier that morning. Truth. There was an old saying which preached "Honesty  
is the best policy." There was a certain logic to that. He couldn't deny that the majority of  
conversation with Asuka involved either superficiality or yelling. He wanted to change that,  
to try to get some honesty between them without freaking the girl out. Just a little openess.  
  
He didn't feel that they needed to share their deep, dark secrets. As though she would  
anyway! But still, they were roommates, along with Misato. He had been able to speak openly  
with Misato about some things. Why couldn't he do the same with Asuka? After all, Misato had   
always intended for the three of them to be like a pseudo family. And now, he had figured out   
an angle that just might work. It certainly couldn't hurt to try. Actually, come to think of  
it, it could hurt to try, considering whom he was dealing with. But not a lot. Shinji set his  
expectations rather low anyway. If the two of them could just talk about anything honestly for  
once, it would be a start. The weather. Misato's cooking. That upcoming algebra exam. Just  
something nice and simple. Yeah, that was the ticket. *Be cool, Ikari. Yeah, you're a cool  
guy. Smooth. Oh, who am I kidding!* Certainly not himself, but hey, those were the breaks.  
Shinji snuck a glance in Asuka's direction, and found her staring straight ahead, a bored  
expression on her face. *All right Asuka. If you're going to fight me all the way on this,  
then I guess it's my job to take away your reason to fight.* Satisfied, Shinji sat forward at  
attention again, and even managed to pay attention to the remaining portion of the sensei's  
lecture. It was on the changes that social structures underwent in the aftermath of the Second  
Impact.  
  
**********************************************************************************************  
  
Greetings all! It's been a really long time, hasn't it? Yours truly decided to basically  
take the summer off, and then a lot stuff bogged me down at the beginning of this semester. A  
recent piece of fanmail prompted me to get up off my lazy butt and start writing again. Heaven  
help you all!   
  
As you may have noticed I jumped around quite a bit in this chapter, some of the scenes  
were over in less time than it takes Bill Clinton to eat his McRib and fries. And that's no  
small feat! I introduced a lot of different things in this chapter, things are moving right  
along. I owe all of you Rei fans an apology. I sort of cut a major scene with her at the last  
minute, and all you got was that really little piece. I'm getting to her, I swear it! She's  
going to have her own arc that sort of weaves in and out of the main one. I say this so that  
people don't accuse me of just shoving Rei aside in this story so that she doesn't get in the  
way of what I'm doing with Shinji and Asuka. But you'll see soon enough! Now that I've finished  
all my courses for the semester, I will endeavor to spend more time writing. In general, it   
takes me about one week to produce a chapter. As for the general direction of the story, I can  
say that it does have a very definitive ending. I am going somewhere, not just wandering  
aimlessly towards uncertainity. I have endeavored to create a Shinji/Asuka story that is as  
believable as that plotline allows. To this end, there is less of a WAFFY element to the story.  
You will not find any scene where Asuka would fall into Shinji's arms, for example.   
  
  
This is not to say that anyone who pens a "romantic" or "WAFFY" Shinji/Asuka story is  
wrong. There are some downright wonderful fics out there of that very nature. As is usually the  
case with fanfiction, the way that events unfold in this story, and their eventual conclusion   
all stem from my personal feelings on the matter--how *I* feel that things happen. Lastly, I  
know many of you waited a really long time to see this installment, so I hope that it lived up  
to your expectations. I apologize to any Shinji/Asuka fans who were hoping to see some more  
interaction between them. Maybe next time, right?  
  
  
I would like to also take a moment to express a lot of gratitude to those of you out  
there who have taken the time to not only read my work, but review it as well. An extra helping  
goes to those who looked favorably upon the story. All of you mean a lot to me.  
  
  
Preview of Next Installment-- Rei visits her gynocologist. Yeah, right. I'll bet you fanboys  
would like to see --that!-- **Ahem** Rei becomes aware of the dramas beginning to take place  
round her, and this causes her to learn some unexpected things about herself. And what do you  
think happens when Shinji, Asuka, Rei, Misato, Kaji, and Ritsuko end up having dinner together?  
The answers coming up in the next episode, "Confused."  
  
***********************************************************************************************  
  
The necessary Legal Lingo Junk-In writing this story, the author is in no way attempting to  
take credit for Neon Genesis Evangelion or any of the characters contained therein. This is a  
work contributed to Public Domain, and the author has not been paid so much as a penny for  
this story. Neon Genesis Evangelion is copyrighted by Gainax, A.D.V. Films holds the rights  
(hostage?) to the English Language Version.   
  
Reading this fanfic may cause loss of appetite!  
  
  



	8. Confused

'Round Perdition's Flames  
  
Part VIII  
  
"Confused"  
  
"And you don't seem to understand.  
A shame, you seemed an honest man."  
--BOA  
"Duvet"  
  
  
  
--Saturday--  
  
  
An innate feeling of sadness gripped Rei Ayanami as she maneuvered herself into the  
entry plug of Unit-00. As though she had suddenly had her reason for existing yanked away from  
her. This feeling was, in part, due to the greeting she had received from Akagi. Rei could not  
help but notice that the doctor treated her as little more than a lab rat, whereas she seemed  
much more enthusiastic whenever the Second or Third Child were present. She had made it  
abundantly clear that she cared little for her. Ordinarily, Rei would not have given this  
reaction a second thought. It was not her duty to enthuse the other staff members, it was her  
duty to protect those that she had been ordered to. Yet this matter bothered Rei. Not so much  
the fact that Dr. Akagi might not like her, but rather the effect it had on herself. Not all  
that long ago, Pilot Ikari had made an attempt to bond with her. It was not an overly  
successful one, although it wasn't to be classified "a complete waste of time" either. After  
that, things had changed. Ikari had been sent with Major Katsuragi to deal with the dangerous  
situation caused by the Jet Alone, and then he had gone on that trip out to sea, returning with  
Unit-02 and its pilot. Herself, she had been off the active roster pending repairs and upgrades  
to Unit-00. During this time, Pilot Ikari and his new roommate, Pilot Sohryu, had had their  
share of ups and downs. Ultimately, though, the two had found a way to work together, at least  
on the battlefield. There was something...intriguing about this.  
  
The Second Child had extended a hand of friendship to Rei, one she had decided to  
decline. She was not really one for personal relationships. Commander Ikari was the only person  
who seemed to understand her. But Rei had learned in her childhood that people do strange,  
irrational things. And so, she had decided to walk her own path. Occasionally, this path  
crossed that of others. Rei accepted this and did not attempt to discourage them from walking  
her path, although she made it known through her actions that she had no intention of altering  
it. Some people, like Pilot Ikari, seemed fascinated by this. Others, like Pilot Sohryu, were  
angered and frustrated by it. But she could not help it, it was the only way she knew how to  
live.  
  
And so, Rei Ayanami sat in Unit-00, contemplating what it was to be human, a neutral  
expression on her face. She was participating in a simple simulation that could have enormous  
repercussions on the future. And she did not care. She had lost something. Perhaps it was her  
bond. She had always felt a bond to piloting Eva, but she was beginning to think that that was  
no longer true. She knew that she wanted more than to just shuffle through the motions of being  
an Eva pilot. Surely Commander Ikari expected more from her than that. Indeed, she should  
expect more from herself. But what should she expect?  
  
  
  
"My god! The sheer size of it!" Fuyutsuki wondered aloud.  
  
"Indeed." The Supreme Commander responded.  
  
"It's..........incredible."  
  
"If you are feeling overwhelmed, Fuyutsuki, you may be excused."  
  
"That's quite alright. So...you are certain that this will work?" Silence was the only  
response the Vice-Commander received, as Unit-00 assumed various different positions with the  
Lance. It looked as though the Eva were posing for a photo shoot.  
  
Below them, Maya was working feverishly at her station, analyzing all of the data that  
was being collected. Pleased with her findings, she turned to Ritsuko. "Ma'am, there are no  
changes present within Unit-00."  
  
"It doesn't seem like there will be any reaction then. That's good, it's always nice  
when something goes our way around here."  
  
"You can say that again."  
  
"Sorry, I'm a woman of few words, Maya."  
  
Ibuki giggled slightly and then turned back to her station. "I hear you're going to  
dinner tonight?"  
  
"And who told you that?"  
  
"Well, you know, word gets around."  
  
"Yes, I'll bet it does." Ritsuko wondered to herself who had ratted her out, Misato or  
Kaji? "Even I get out of NERV HQ once in awhile. Maybe you should try it sometime. I'm sure  
there's plenty of men crawling around the Geofront who wouldn't mind going out for a drink."  
She winked, watching Maya squirm and blush profusely under her embarrassment. Payback, you have  
to love it.  
  
"I....."  
  
Ritsuko sighed. "You're being shy again, Maya. You're never going to catch your  
happiness that way.  
  
Maya said nothing, sweating, and suddenly became very interested in her console. Ah,  
youth. Ritsuko thought to herself. I wonder if I was ever that innocent?  
  
  
  
  
"What's for lunch, stupid?" a grinning red-head inquired of Shinji Ikari whilst leaning  
over him.  
  
"Huh?" Shinji was roused from his daydream.  
  
"Lunch. You know. Consuming of mass quantities. Why do you always have to be so weird?"  
  
"I, uh....what are you talking about? I didn't make us lunch today Asuka.  
  
Asuka pulled herself up to her full height. "What do you mean you didn't make our  
lunches? What kind of an idiot are you?"  
  
"Well, as I recall, somebody told me not to bother making our lunches today because we  
were late."  
  
"And you actually listened to that suggestion? Why didn't you try to talk me out of it,  
baka?! Are you stupid or something?" Asuka whapped him on the head for his trouble.  
  
Carefully, Shinji clinched his left fist and channeled his anger into it, so that he  
could remain calm. "No, I'm not stupid Asuka. An example of a stupid person would be someone  
who tried to contradict you. I live with you day in and day out. I'm not stupid enough to do  
that."  
  
"Well good for you, you're learning! So what am I supposed to do for lunch."  
  
Shinji sighed. "Referring to our conversation in the kitchen this morning, I am advised  
to point you in the direction of Miss Hikari Horaki."  
  
"Oh yeah, she always has extra food sitting around. She cooks a lot for her sisters!  
Thanks for reminding me! See you later, Shinji!" With those words, Asuka took off, in search of  
something to fuel her motor of a mouth. After all, how could she keep dishing out all those  
insults without some fuel? But there was one thought that still bothered her. He's  
learning............  
  
Shinji watched Asuka run off and turned his eyes skyward. "And so, another battle ends.  
Shinji 3, Asuka 3000. I guess that rates better than my absolute zero a few days ago." He  
sighed. "I should have kissed her that night when I had the chance......"  
  
"And when did she ever give you the chance to kiss her?" Kensuke asked enthusiastically.  
"Inquiring minds want to know!"  
  
"Augh!" Oh God, had he actually said that aloud? "Ken-Kenuske? How long have you been  
there?"   
  
"Long enough to hear you reminiscing over lost opportunities. So spill, Ikari. When did  
the Demon-girl ever give you the chance to get intimate with her?"  
  
"It wasn't like what you're thinking!" Shinji then took a sharp look around him to see  
if there were anymore spies out there.  
  
"If you're looking for Toji, he's at the school store, buying his lunch. So hurry up and  
let me in on the gossip, man!"  
  
"Kensuke, if I tell you this, you can't tell anyone. Not even Toji! And I don't want  
you selling the gossip for profit either?"  
  
"Aw, c'mon! Where will the fun be?"  
  
"I'm serious! I let you in on this and only you! You understand?"  
  
Kensuke grumbled under his breath but reluctantly agreed. "It was late one night, the  
last one of our Synchronization training. I was lying in my bed, listening to my SDAT player.  
Then Asuka opened the door and walked into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her. I don't  
remember how long she was in there, but when she came out, she laid down next to me and fell  
asleep."  
  
"No way! She slept next to you? What happened in the morning?"  
  
"We......don't really talk about it......."  
  
"Aw c'mon Shinji!"  
  
"Hey, the deal was for one story, not two!"  
  
"You're no fun at all!"  
  
"Funny, Asuka tells me that a lot....anyway, while she was lying there, asleep, I  
noticed how warm and inviting her lips looked. I'd never really looked at a girl like that  
before, but this was......"  
  
"Different?"  
  
"Yeah. So, I leaned in to gently kissed her, and then she started calling out for her  
Mother."  
  
"Her mom?"  
  
"Yes. And then all of a sudden I felt like a jerk, so I backed off. Then she rolled over  
and that was pretty much the end of it."  
  
"I'm sorry to say it, Shinji, but that's not much of a story."  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
"I guess I shouldn't complain, considering the low cost. But what about the best part?"  
  
"What best part?"  
  
"You just said a few minutes ago that you should have kissed her when you had the  
chance. Do you like her or something?"  
  
"What?" Shinji blushed. "No, of course not! Not like that!"  
  
"Then why did you say you should have kissed her?"  
  
"Because she's always making fun of me! Taking that kiss from her would have made the  
abuse worth it!"  
  
"Oh, I see." Liar. He wouldn't ever do something like that. He wants her.  
  
"Hey, you know what she's like."  
  
"Unfortunately, although that's largely your fault." He wants her BAD.  
  
"Guilt by association?"  
  
"Yup."  
  
"Well, at least you don't have to live with her. Have her abuse you on a constant basis.  
Practically wait on her hand and foot. Because I'm too chicken to stand up to her and Misato  
isn't there to reel her in. You don't have to do her laundry then listen to her complain you  
didn't fold it right. You've got it easy."  
  
"Yeah, I suppose I do." He wants to have like seven children with her! Damn Ikari,  
you're really gone on her!  
  
"So anyway, are we all still getting together tomorrow?"  
  
"So long as you don't have to go and save the world again."  
  
"Let's hope not."  
  
  
  
  
"This sucks!" Misato Katsuragi expressed with her usual elegance.  
  
"Didn't you already mention that?" Dr. Akagi taunted.  
  
"Shut up! I need a change of pace around here. I'm always either filling out mindless  
paperwork or trying to pull another rabbit out of my hat with the Angels. Why don't I get to  
have fun at work for a change?"  
  
"I don't know whether or not you've noticed, Misato, but NERV isn't exactly about fun."  
  
"Well I say if we're going to save the world, we ought to be doing it with style."  
  
"Style?"  
  
"Yeah. Things are always too tense around here. How can we be expected to do our best  
work when we're all carrying the weight of the world around on our shoulders. On top of that,  
why should we have to apologize to everyone who gets a little inconvenienced by our operations?  
Maybe we should just let the Angels rampage around unchecked. Maybe then the civilians would be  
a little more grateful for everything we do!"  
  
"Misato, maybe you should consider telling the Commander that you don't want to do the  
paperwork anymore. It's making you.....irritable."  
  
"WHAT DID YOU SAY?"  
  
"You heard me."  
  
"Oh, right, I'll just waltz into Commander Ikari's office and tell him that I don't  
really feel like doing the paperwork. I'm sure that would be just fine with him."  
  
"Well, if you're not going to get him to stop sending it to you, then just do it and  
stop pissing and moaning about it."  
  
"Why don't you do it for a while, then? I've signed my name to countless forms already  
too, half of which I couldn't even make out what the hell I was approving of. I'm running out of  
generic apology letters that I can use, and I'm fresh out of good stories I can give to the  
press without revealing all our secrets. PR is totally tapped out too. Not that the UN is about  
to get off its ass and lend us a hand."  
  
"Come on, I know what will help cheer you up. Look, I'm done with Rei until this evening  
when the other children get here."  
  
"So you're treating yourself to some time off?"  
  
"Only an hour. Time is precious, you know, especially around here."  
  
"Speak for yourself. I'm hoping for something to come up so I don't have to finish  
this."  
  
"You'd better keep on top of things, because we should have a complete briefing on  
Unit-03 and Unit-04 heading your way in a week or so."  
  
"So they're ready?"  
  
"Pretty much. The Marduk Institute has begun searching for the Fourth and Fifth Child.  
The Commander doesn't think they'll find them all that quickly, however."  
  
"How long did it take them to find Rei and Asuka?"  
  
"Both of them had been considered for a long time as part of Project E. It was at a  
young age that Asuka was selected, if you recall."  
  
"Yes, I was working with her, after all. And Rei?"  
  
"Both Rei and Asuka grew up around NERV, Misato. Shinji and any subsequent pilots we  
might find will be taken 'on the fly,' though. You know, if things had worked out a little bit  
differently, it could have been Asuka piloting Unit-01 and Shinji piloting Unit-02."  
  
"Somehow, I have trouble picturing that."  
  
"Well, that's not going to happen anyway. I really don't think that Asuka could sync  
with Unit-00 or 01, nor could Shinji or Rei sync with Unit-02. Judging from my experiment,  
however, it does seem possible that Shinji and Rei could switch, although there would be some  
rejection problems I'd have to work out."  
  
"If it's all the same to you, I'm content to just leave things the way they are,  
Ritsuko."  
  
"Well, that goes without saying Misato. There's no telling what would happen if we just  
went around switching the children from one Eva to another. We've already seen that the Evas  
aren't exactly fond of that particular practice, so I'd say that we've pretty much achieved as  
optimal a setup as we can hope for given the finicky nature of the Evas. Although we should  
always be prepared, we never know what might happen in the times to come."  
  
Misato stood up and gestured to the door. Some coffee would do both women a world of  
good. "I sure wish we could." The Major sighed.  
  
"Hmmm?"  
  
"I'm worried, Ritsuko."  
  
"About what?"  
  
"Shinji....is slipping away from me again. I can tell."  
  
"He isn't talking with you?"  
  
"No, it's not that, it's just....he isn't being as open with me as he was being before.  
I think it has something to do with what's coming."  
  
Akagi looked distant for a moment. "Yes. It's the anniversary...."  
  
"I know. I've tried to give him a little project to help distract him from it, but I'm  
not entirely certain how well it's working."  
  
"What kind of project?"  
  
"Ah, but that would be telling."  
  
Ritsuko made a mental note to herself to get Misato sufficiently drunk enough so that  
she would reveal that information later in the evening. "Coffee break, doctor?"  
  
"I'd be delighted."  
  
  
  
  
"Shinji you are making us late!" Asuka yelled at her roommate.  
  
"I'm sorry!" he replied clumsily, his books toppling off of his desk. "I didn't finish  
copying the problems."  
  
"Well hurry up, stupid! You know we have to get to Headquarters for our sync tests."  
  
"I know, I know!"  
  
"And I really don't feel like listening to that Dr. Akagi complain that we're late and  
throwing off the schedule. Besides, the sooner we get there, the sooner we can take the test,  
prove I'm the best, and get out. I'm starving!"  
  
He did sympathize with Asuka on that point. Even he was beginning to fear rather hungry.  
Apparently Shinji had overestimated the length of time popcorn stayed with the average human  
body. Quite frankly, he was getting ravenous. And he wasn't looking forward to taking in large  
quantities of LCL on an empty stomach. That always made him feel nauseous.  
  
"Listen," Asuka said, getting angrier by the moment. "I may not be the best at working  
with your primitive language, but math is something I understand to a fault. You can copy it  
from me later, idiot."  
  
"Alright, alright." Shinji promptly shut his notebook and began picking his books up  
from off the floor, packing them into his bag. He looked around the now empty classroom,  
occupied only by himself and Asuka. "Where's Hikari? Doesn't she usually stick around to make  
sure people are doing their weekly chores around here?"  
  
"Oh, I'm sure she's around somewhere. Why? You want her to give you a job to do?"  
  
"Not really. Just curious, is all, and I figured you would know. She's your friend."  
  
"Something you would do well not to forget. Just remember that if you ever cross me,   
I'll see to it that she crosses you many times over, get the idea?"  
  
"Yes ma'am!"  
  
Asuka gave him a kick. "The day I become a 'ma'am' is the day we have a blizzard!"  
  
"I don't know Asuka," Shinji said, picking up his bag and heading for the door. "I think  
you'd look pretty neat dressed old world. Maybe something along the line of 'Whistler's  
Mother.' "  
  
Asuka's foot caught Shinji's butt in less than two seconds, which, the boy noted as he  
winced in pain, was a new record. "How dare you say that about the most beautiful girl in  
Tokyo-3!"  
  
Shinji strongly considered informing Asuka that he wasn't talking about Rei, but then he  
decided that at some point in his life he might want to procreate. So he moaned instead.  
  
"Let's go!" Asuka demanded of him. After taking a brief moment to massage his aching   
posterior, Shinji complied.  
  
"I don't feel like taking a sync test." Shinji mused as he and Sohryu walked out of the  
building and headed towards NERV.  
  
"I'm not exactly thrilled with the prospect myself, you know! What a waste of a  
perfectly good Saturday night! I mean, who designs these test schedules?"  
  
"I think that they do them at regular intervals and this is just where this one fell, is  
all."  
  
"Hmpf. Stupid school. If we hadn't had to go in, we could've done the test this  
afternoon and had a much nicer evening to look forward to."  
  
"Well, we are going out to dinner later this evening."  
  
"That's right!" Asuka suddenly shouted. "I bet Kaji will be there too! Hah! There just  
might be some hope for this evening yet."  
  
Shinji did his best to keep himself from scowling. He couldn't concern himself with  
Kaji. He had no need to. If he were interested in Asuka, he would've moved in on her by now.  
Besides, everyone knew he had it in for Misato. Shinji had to hand it to the guy, he was  
perfect for Misato. If there truly was anyone that could reel the Major in without the need of  
a superior rank, then Kaji was that person. He had even been known on occasion to cause Asuka  
to settle down, a rare phenomenon that scientists would probably be studying for generations  
to come.   
  
Shinji looked over and noticed that there was indeed a spring in Asuka's step. It was  
clear that she was now looking forward to this evening. She'd probably be really irritable  
during the test today, screaming for Dr. Akagi to let her out so she could go and get ready for  
dinner. He could almost hear the argument now. Let me out of here! Asuka, be quiet and  
concentrate! I am concentrating! You're going to invalidate these results and then we're going  
to have to do this all over again! All the more reason to let us out of here! Blah, blah, blah.  
It was a classic case, nothing seemed more important to Ritsuko than her work, and nothing  
seemed less important to Asuka than these tests. Asuka held a firm belief that the stupid tests  
weren't important, it was her performance on the field. And barring their mutual difficulty  
against the 7th Angel, due mostly to their inability to get along (at the time), she had been  
bringing in results, though not without the assistance of Ayanami and himself.  
  
"You seem happy." Shinji vocalized.  
  
Asuka flashed him the tiniest of smiles. "Yeah, well, I do feel pretty good right now. I  
can even get through these tests if it means I get to spend time with Kaji."  
  
"You go out to dinner with me, I pay our bill, and you spend all your time with Kaji?"  
  
"Now you're getting the hang of it. Just because you're paying the bill doesn't mean I'm  
going to waste the evening with you! I had my fill of that last night, thank you very much."  
  
"Well, then what does it mean?"  
  
This time Asuka flashed him a wicked grin. "It means I'm going to order the most  
expensive thing on the menu, stupid!"  
  
"Then what the hell am I supposed to eat?"  
  
"Bread and water?"  
  
"Asuka!"  
  
"Geez, relax, will you? Do you really think I would make you go without dinner?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Well, I wouldn't. Besides, if I did, then Misato would carry on about it for the rest  
of the night. Although I'm a little bit hurt, Shinji. I wouldn't want you to go without  
dinner."  
  
"You wouldn't?"  
  
"Of course not! Who would I have to pick on and wait on me if you were passed out from  
hunger? That wouldn't do me much good, now would it? Honestly, you can be so selfish  
sometimes!"  
  
"Please tell me you're kidding."  
  
Asuka gave him a look but said nothing. "Asuka?" Shinji repeated.  
  
"Shinji," she stated, in a voice that hovered somewhere between amusement and dead  
seriousness, "I told Misato shortly before I came here that I promised her nothing aside from  
kicking some Angel butt. So don't expect me to promise not to make fun of you! You've been so  
sensitive to it lately, are you feeling okay? Because if you're sick or anything I don't want  
to catch it."  
  
Shinji didn't really know what to say for a moment or two. Was Asuka genuinely concerned  
about him? Was she just teasing him so more? Asuka could be so hard to read sometimes. "No, I'm  
fine. I just have a lot on my mind lately, I guess."  
  
Asuka stopped in her tracks, huffed out a breath, and turned to Shinji, with a very  
frustrated look on her face. Trying her best not to sound angry, she said something Shinji had  
been afraid she might at some point. "Then do you mind telling me what yesterday afternoon was  
all about?"  
  
"I, uh, I-I don't really know Asuka! I thought you said you didn't want to talk about  
it."  
  
"I don't. But you've been acting strangely ever since. There's no way you would have  
tried the stuff you have been before yesterday...." Asuka's voice trailed off as realization  
suddenly hit her. A realization that almost frightened her. "You-You're not afraid of me  
anymore, are you?"  
  
Shinji just stared back at her, saying nothing, and fidgeting like crazy. And for the  
first time since she could remember, Asuka Langley Sohryu had no idea what to say or do.  
***********************************************************************************************  
  
  
Hello again everyone! It took me a little longer than I thought it would to get this chapter  
out, but unfortunately I must admit that I have a lot of stuff on my plate right now, and most  
of it doesn't taste very good, if you know what I mean. Anywho, you aren't here to hear about  
my personal life, you're here to know about the status of "Round Perdition's Flames." Well, as  
you can see, it's coming. I've been listening to all of your reviews, and I like what you have  
to say. I dedicate this chapter to "Rhine rhine" (whom we affectionately refer to around the  
Perdition workshop as "Whine whine," because this reader is always whining about when I'm going  
to release the next chapter. Not that there's anything wrong with that, right? The best way to  
get me off my lazy arse is to whine, beg, plead, bargain, etc. And so, I have now released  
Chapter 7 unto you, which will probably be renamed to Chapter 8 because of Fanfiction.net's  
fascist new chaptering system. I don't know about the rest of you, but I really hate this  
system. It's annoying, it %&(%s up your story, and its "go to chapter" features suck royally.  
If they're going to force me to Chapter the story, then the main link of the story should take  
me to an html file with links to the individual chapters. That would make things look much,  
much neater. It would also be much more user friendly, which is probably why they aren't doing  
it that way. But oh well, the only thing I can do about it (aside from refraining from  
submitting my story, which isn't going to happen) is piss and moan a lot and shake my fist. So  
that's what I'm doing.  
  
  
Well, at any rate, this chapter has now been submitted for your approval. What? You want more?  
Well, you're just going to have to wait a while, now aren't you. I don't know when I'll see fit  
to pen the next chapter. If you're lucky, and if I keep on top of my schoolwork while  
maintaining some illusion of free time, and if I actually use said free time to write this  
story, then you'll see something in two weeks or so. I hope you'll say it has been worth the  
wait, because.......we're coming up on the big dinner! Woohoo! I know a lot of you have been  
waiting for this, and I can now say with 100% certainty that we'll be there in the next  
installment. And there was much rejoicing. Hooray! So what do you think? Will Shinji and Asuka  
reach some sort of plateau? Am I just teasing you all? Will Kaji be subjected to an anal probe?  
If you want to play my game, send your e-mail to:  
  
  
ranger_writer@yahoo.com  
  
  
With the subject: I KNOW WHAT HAPPENS IN THE DINNER SEQUENCE!  
  
  
I'll collect them all and whoever comes the closest will be credited when the next chapter is  
released. And of course, everyone say it with me now, Review/C&C. I do read all the reviews I  
get, and I even listen to people's complaints. I don't promise to do anything about them, but I  
do listen to them. So keep those reviews coming in, dear readers, they are the only reward we  
authors get!  
  
  
Next Installment-What, you weren't listening a minute ago? It's the dinner sequence!  
  
  
  
The necessary Legal Lingo Junk--In writing this story, the author is in no way attempting to  
take credit for Neon Genesis Evangelion or any of the characters contained therein. This is a  
work contributed to Public Domain, and the author has not been paid so much as a penny for this  
story. Neon Genesis Evangelion is copyrighted by Gainax, A.D.V. Films holds the rights  
(hostage?) to the English Language Version.  
  
  
The author is not responsible for any bouts of insomnia brought on by reading this fanfic.  
  
  
  
  
  



	9. Interlude--To Every Captive Soul

Round Perdition's Flames  
  
Interlude: To Every Captive Soul  
  
  
I have to live with this existence, because the only alternative I have is to face the harsh  
reality. I've lost sight of the person I once hoped to be. I'm afraid to go back to Kaji, afraid that he  
will become the only person who can validate my existence. I'm afraid to go to work, because my heart is  
no longer in it. I had always wanted to take my revenge on the Angels, to avenge my father. Why is it  
that it no longer matters to me? Is it because of Shinji? Is it because everyday I'm forced to look into  
the eyes of three children, presiding over the deaths of the childhoods? This isn't what I wanted to do  
with my life. Haven't these children suffered enough? Shinji, Asuka, Rei, haven't they given all they can?  
If they continue, I fear there won't be anything left of them. Eva always destroys those who come into  
contact with it. They won't be any exception. Everyday I return to work, my soul feels as though it is  
condoning their destruction.  
  
Sacrifices have to be made, so it is said. But the people who say that don't have to live with  
two of the people being sacrificed. Why should they have to give it all up for people who don't even  
appreciate them. Will history even remember their names? Even if it does, it probably won't look back  
upon them kindly. Modern history has a habit of turning on its greatest heroes.  
  
All I want to do is fly into the arms of Kaji. When I'm there, it's as though nothing else  
matters. But here, I lie awake in my bed. It's so quiet, that I swear I can hear the sounds of both Shinji  
and Asuka, breathing in their own bedrooms. Somewhere, out in the night, Rei is probably doing the same  
thing. It isn't right. But it's the way that it is. Such is life. My own suffering doesn't bother me as much  
as I thought.   
  
The night is quiet, and for the moment, we're safe from the Angels. At least, until the next  
alert. Yet I feel uneasy. I think of the children resting in the other rooms of this apartment. Shinji, he  
just wants to please people, to be accepted. Must he throw his life away in search of that dream? Why  
haven't I been able to make him feel more comfortable? I'm not his mother, but I should be able to do  
something. We care for each other, but sometimes I feel he's frightened of me. Why? I want to reach  
him, but I fear he won't open up to me.   
  
Asuka, easily as complex as Shinji is. The most beautiful girl in Tokyo-3, but she refuses to  
give up being an ice princess. Sometimes she winds herself so tight I fear she's made her very soul a  
captive within her own body. She's even more closed off than Shinji. She's locked her true self so deep  
within her, so that no one can ever hurt her again. But does it really help you, Asuka? To cut off your  
nose in spite of your face? Does feeling safe mean that much to you? Are you as well off as you think  
you are?  
  
And then there's Rei, who I know so little about. But then, she's not my responsibility when  
she's not in an Eva. Commander Ikari seems to keep the closest watch on her. Why is he always so  
concerned exclusively with her, but he takes little interest in his own son? He's delegated all of his  
paternal authority to me. The Commander isn't really his father anymore, not in a legal sense. I wish I  
knew more about this parenting stuff. Who am I to tell these kids what they can and can't do? Worst of  
all, Shinji, have I steered you wrong?  
  
  
Turning onto her side, Misato Katusragi picked up her phone and dialed the number of the one  
man who understood her.  
  
  
  
  
I don't really know how to continue, because I can't see a point to any of it. I serve no  
purpose here. Everybody hates me. Worst of all, I can't seem to find a way into her good graces. I do  
not really understand the concept of love, but I definitely hold a passion for her that I can't seem to put   
out. I want to bury it, I wish that I could reach into my chest and tear out the part of me that feels for  
her, never to look upon it again. It is as though my very soul is being held hostage by her. Asuka, release  
me. How can I loosen the hold she has over me, when I think about her once every ten seconds? Why is it  
that every time I look at her, it strengthens my resolve to get through to her? Why is it I feel that she  
is the only one who understands me? But if that's true, then why is it that from the moment I first met  
her, she's given me nothing but bullshit?  
  
I told Misato the truth. I don't love Asuka. I can't, not yet. I can't say that I do until I know  
it's true. I don't even understand what love is. Will I ever? I will not lie about this. Truth be told, I  
don't know if Asuka and I will work out or not. But I have to keep trying. If I don't, I'll never know.  
But she continues to ignore me, and I'm too afraid to face her. I never wanted anything more than to be  
her partner. But she won't accept me, because she hates me.   
  
I don't want her to hate me. In the past, if she spoke those words to me, I always knew that  
they weren't really true, that she was just venting. But now I can no longer be certain. Misato always  
said I was playing a dangerous game. Now I may have destroyed whatever friendship there was between  
Asuka and I. I was so foolish to risk it. I want to apologize to her, but I don't know where to start. I  
want to tell her the truth, but I'm afraid it will only make things worse.   
  
I owe her something. But I'm afraid I've done enough already. If I had only known, before  
tonight, how deep her own hatred and anger truly ran. They're a part of her, as though she's being  
consumed. But I'm not fit to try and help her. I'm the lowest of the low. The most craven among cowards.  
I don't even have the courage to look at her anymore. I'm afraid she'll find out. I don't want her to look  
at me. I'm so frail right now that I'm afraid she'll see through me completely.  
  
But isn't that how she sees me now? She never looks at me. She looks around me. To her, I'm  
just another obstacle in her way. I'm nothing she could want, much less need. I was a fool to think  
otherwise.   
  
I can't help her. She's a time bomb, waiting to go off, and there's nothing I can do. I'll never  
be able to reach her. I never had a chance. Asuka, you don't want to be reached, do you? You have no  
interest in saving yourself. You certainly won't allow me or anyone else to save you. Why are you doing  
this to yourself? To prove some stupid point? No, it's more than that. Asuka, why won't you let me help?  
There's something inside of you that I can feel....something I know so well. But I can't reach you, because  
I'm not strong enough.  
  
  
So why can't I run away from you?  
  
  
  
  
I have danced with that boy for too long. It's as simple as that. And I don't care what anyone  
else says, because none of it matters when all is said and done anyway. He's hiding something from me.  
That really bothers me, because it means he's got something planned. Why the hell is he so friendly  
towards me all of a sudden? Does he think that is somehow going to make me go easier on him? It's his  
own damn fault in the first place! If he wasn't such an idiot, maybe I wouldn't have to point out his  
faults all the time. But until he gets a clue, he's just going to have to deal with it. My life is complicated  
enough as it is. Why should I have to apologize for trying to hold onto some semblance of a normal life?  
When all of this stupid Angel business is however, I intend to live one. I've saved the world enough times  
that it owes me one anyway.  
  
So what if I lose myself somewhere on the way? It's not like it's anyone else's business  
anyway. I remember the person that I was, but somehow I can't seem to figure out exactly who it is that  
I've become. But I suppose that as long as I can live with who I've become, then it's okay. That's all that   
really matters anyway. When you get right down to it, life is just one big game. There are winners and  
there are losers. I've tried to be a winner as often as possible, and I never admit defeat unless there is  
no other option available. It's the only way I really know how to live. If you're going to do something,  
you have to give yourself over to it. You can't do it halfway. Otherwise there's no point to doing it at all.  
  
So whatever bullshit you're trying to do on me, Shinji, it isn't going to work. Because I don't  
need you or anyone else here. I can pretend to tolerate you and Misato so long as you don't get in my  
way. I'm here to prove myself to the world. The rest of you can go to hell for all I care. We're all just  
pawns, anyway. The government is just using me to further its own agenda. Fine by me, because I'm just  
as eager to use them to prove myself. It's a working relationship. Nothing we accomplish here is as  
important as everyone seems to think. If we defeat the Angels, it'll all be forgotten by the next  
generation. They didn't have to live through it, so they aren't going to care. Why should they? I don't  
care all that much about Second Impact. I only deal with the consequences of it. It happened a long time  
ago, and there's nothing I can do to change it, so I deal with it. People make things so complicated  
sometimes.   
  
So why does Misato keep trying to put him onto me? Or does she think I haven't noticed?  
Can't she ever take a hint? Relationships are one of the most unproductive things I've ever seen. You end  
up spending all your time and resources solving problems you didn't have when you were single. I don't  
need that! I don't need to be saved. Especially from someone who doesn't even have a sense of fashion!  
Everyday he consistently wears the same object. When he changes into shorts around here, it's like some  
sort of grand occasion. It's enough to really make me sick. The only person who dresses worse than that  
idiot is Wondergirl. At least she has an excuse! That robot doesn't care about anyone except Commander  
Ikari. But you'd expect that those stupid stooge friends of Shinji's would at least make him get a  
wardrobe! Maybe then I could take the idiot a little more seriously.  
  
I guess the only reason I care at all about him is because I see so much of myself in him. Dork  
that he is, I'd still hate to see myself become a total loser. Maybe he isn't completely hopeless, I don't  
really know. But having a father like that. . .even stupid Shinji deserves better than that. No wonder he  
hates his father so much. I would too. I guess all anyone really wants in this world is something better. I  
wish I could trust him to find that, but I worry that one day I'm going to read about him in a newspaper,  
that he went and killed himself or something. I'm sorry, Shinji, but I don't have the answers to your  
problems. I don't even have the answers to my own. That's why I prefer to be alone. I don't want people  
expecting anything out of me. My life is complicated enough as it is. Being responsible for myself is tough  
enough, I don't want the responsibility of caring for anyone else. This thing, called love? I'd rather  
leave it than take it. I don't trust anyone enough for that, I'm afraid.  
  
  
Especially myself.  
  
  
  
  
Remember, boys and girls, foreshadowing is our friend, right? I think I'm about ready to get back to  
Perdition now. It's only been, like, what, 8 months. I'm not going to bother with excuses, just the truth. I  
didn't feel like doing much writing in those months. But rather than just jump back into the action, I've  
thrown these cryptic reflections into the ring to excite, confuse, and perplex the hell out of everyone.  
Why? Because I'm evil!  
  
  
  
As always, send your comments, compliments, questions, complaints, love letters, death threats, marriage  
proposals, and ransom demands to:  
  
Lord Malachite  
ranger_writer@yahoo.com  
  
  
Normally, this is where the disclaimer would go, but I don't feel like doing it. The same disclaimer as the  
other chapters applies, if anyone out there cares!  
  
This is where I would insert some block about the tragic events of September 11, except I fear that it's  
becoming too much of a fad, so I won't. Everyone knows how awful it was, so I'm not going to go into it.  
Turn on your TV if you want to hear about it. Go USA! This concludes my comments on this issue.  
  
  
Are you still here? Sorry, the floor show's over. What can I say, you got screwed again. Go do your  
homework or something. Or read a good fanfic. Preferably, one of mine. Oh, wait, I said a good fanfic,   
didn't I? Oh well, go read.....something else. Or not. Whatever.  
  
9/19/01  
  
  



	10. The Way To A Man's Heart. . .

'Round Perdition's Flames  
  
Part VIII  
  
"The Way To A Man's Heart. . ."  
  
  
"You're older than you've ever been  
And now you're even older...  
And now you're even older...  
And now you're even older...  
You're older than you've ever been  
And now you're even older...  
And now you're older still."  
--They Might Be Giants  
"Older"  
  
  
--Saturday--  
  
Oh, God, Asuka, please don't look at me like that! This is bad. She knows, she knows I'm not  
afraid of her anymore. I've got to say something. But what? Think, Ikari, think!  
  
"Well, well, well, Shinji Ikari," Asuka preened in her most coy voice, "it seems as though I've  
taught you well, haven't I? I was wondering if they day would ever come when you would take my lessons  
seriously?"  
  
"I, er, uh, that is....lessons?"  
  
"I'm forced to admit, I'm impressed. But don't think for a minute that gives you any advantage  
over me. You're nowhere near my level, Third Child. To me, you're little more than a fly on my spider  
web."   
"A-Asuka?"  
  
Asuka glared at Shinji for a moment. Shinji stared back. Asuka's brow became increasingly  
furrowed. This wasn't good. He was starting to learn all of her tricks. She made a mental note to herself  
to start drawing up a new playbook for her own benefits. After all, losing control over Shinji was just  
completely unacceptable. And she couldn't back out of the game, now, it would give Shinji power over  
her. She had to find a way to put herself back on top, to make this boring little boy fully understand his  
place.  
  
Shinji hated to be under Asuka's gaze. Because nine times out of ten, it was the same kind of  
stare. The kind that let you know that you were being measured, and that you were being found lacking.  
He hated disappointing her. Even if he knew it was impossible to please her. Being hated by Asuka was  
something he struggled with all the time. Trying to make her see him differently. But, there were those  
horrible times when he doubted himself more than usual, when he woke up wondering what was the point  
of fighting. What did he have to show for his troubles but a bruised ego and a body to match it? Why  
did he struggle so much? The answer was simple. Because he didn't want to be hated. The thought of  
being hated by Asuka was appalling. He didn't want to be hated by anyone, but he wasn't sure he could  
bear it if he was truly despised by Asuka. What did she have against him anyway? What had he ever  
done to her that was so unforgivable?  
  
He found that he had to muddle out the answers to these questions while walking, though,  
because Asuka was rapidly becoming a dot on the horizon of his vision, impaired a great deal by the  
setting sun.  
  
  
  
The drawing was well done. Just one look, and Shinji knew that Misato had put a lot of effort  
into it, although he was willing to hazard to guess that she had put off paperwork to do it. In any event,  
though, the detail was impressive. Misato had effectively created a full-size diagram of Asuka, posed in  
her school uniform, large enough that it took up three pieces of paper connected together. Points of  
interest were mapped out and detailed. Of course, Shinji knew that if he was ever caught with this  
picture, he was a dead man. Ironically, not because it would make him appear perverted, but likely  
because of the way Asuka had been depicted, with her mouth wide open, as it frequently was in real life.  
This part of the representation was indeed flawless.  
  
"As you can see," Misato began, "I've tried to lay out everything I can for you here. "But it's  
going to be up to you to study this and figure out a method of attack that might actually succeed. Up at  
the top here is her hair. You might want to note that this is probably the only part of Asuka that you can  
safely compliment without fear of physical retaliation. If you ever decide to buy a gift from her, you  
might want to try and obtain a sample of her hair so you can try to match it. Women like things that  
match them, and even Asuka is no exception on this one. I think."  
  
"Are you like that, Misato?"  
  
"Why, you want to buy me a present?" She batted her lashes knowingly at Shinji.  
  
"Wh-what? No, I-I mean, not that you're not worth buying a present for, but--"  
  
"Careful now, Shinji. Remember, Asuka is always going to look for a way to take advantage of  
you like that and make you look like a dork. Don't get suckered in."  
  
"Right..." Shinji sighed.  
  
"Now, moving down to the eyes. As you've no doubt noticed, they're blue, a very pretty blue,  
in fact. Asuka doesn't spend much time flirting with boys, but it's probably a safe bet that she knows  
how to use these. While we're out tonight, she might try to fluster you with them so you'll back off.  
Don't let her. Whenever possible, avoid looking her directly in the eye. Remember, Asuka isn't a typical  
woman. She isn't interested in you, so she isn't going to flirt with you unless she feels it's to her  
advantage. Still, you should be prepared. Do you think you can handle that?"  
  
"Yeah, I think so. I'm not too worried about that, though."  
  
"Good. Okay then. There's her lips, your eventual target. I wouldn't worry too much about  
those for the moment, though. You're a long way from getting there! What you should be concerned about  
are the insults that will flow from them like water. If you ever want to have any hope of impressing her,  
you have to do more than just endure them, Shinji. You have to dodge them, parry them, turn them around  
on her. Prove to her that you're not the idiot she thinks you are. To this end, I borrowed a book from  
Kaji. It's a little old, but it's full of great insults. Study this book, and it should help you learn how to  
reply when she scorns you."  
  
"Do you really think this will help?"  
  
"Absolutely. Remember, you're not trying to assault her. Merely counter-attack as necessary,  
but don't instigate unless an opportunity arises that is just too good to pass up. Even so, try not to go too  
far. Try to show her that you can keep up with her, but don't try to seem superior to her."  
  
"I'll try."  
  
"Sometimes that's all you can do, Shinji. Now, down here are her shoulders. The perfect place  
to apply a massage, should the opportunity ever arise. But given your current relationship, you'll usually  
be seeing these squared against you. Whenever possible, try to walk behind Asuka. You can learn a lot  
about how a person is feeling and what they are thinking about by how they walk."  
  
"These are her breasts." Misato paused for a moment to more fully enjoy the way Shinji  
turned beat red. "If you want to live, never look at them, never touch them, comment about them, or even  
think about them. I guess that goes without saying, though." Um, if you want more information, maybe you   
should try talking to Kaji, I guess. I mean, about, well, you know, not specifically Asuka's, but-" Misato  
cleared her throat. "Er, moving along...."  
  
"Please!" Shinji exhaled, only now realizing that he had been holding his breath.  
  
"Her arms are fairly typical of a girl her age. Fortunately for you, not very muscular. I can  
vouch that her hands are very soft, though you won't be enjoying any sort of caress anytime soon. She  
doesn't have a lot of upper-body strength, fortunately for you. You've received your fair share of slaps  
from her, so you know that her hands can sting. But she punches like a girl, so you at least have that going  
for you."  
  
"Yeah, it's about time I got some good news."  
  
"No matter what you might think, Asuka never gains weight. If she does, it's just an optical  
illusion. I cannot stress this enough. Asuka does NOT gain weight!"  
  
"Yes'm!"  
  
"Good. Now, um, well, you took biology class, so I'd rather not cover this part."  
  
"Thanks for being considerate."   
  
"If you are ever in a position where you'd need to worry about this area, then you'll already  
have been successful anywho. So moving along, we come to the legs. What Asuka lacks in upper-body  
strength she makes up for in lower-body. She kicks much more effectively than she punches. However,  
you'll also find that her legs should be visually appealing to those of you males who go in for that sort of  
thing." Shinji immediately looked away. "Yeah, I thought so. Well, I guess that about wraps it up. It's up  
to you to find a weak spot wherever you can and exploit it. If you need my help, just let me know and I'll   
do what I can. But remember, this is Asuka. She's got a lot of barbed wire around her. And if you do  
find a place you can attack her, you'll only get once chance. You won't be able to get in again. Moreover,  
once you do get to her the first time, she'll put her whole compound into alert mode, so to speak. She'll  
step up the security, making your task all the harder."  
  
"You're starting to make this sound like one of your operations, Misato!"  
  
"Well, it is, in a way. But this one is more important. I'll be frank with you Shinji, if anyone  
deserves to pull this off, it's you. You have the ability to do it if you really want to, but it won't be  
easy, and you're probably going to be in for a lot of pain on the way. Don't give into her, Shinji.  
Remember, this is your game."  
  
"Do you really believe I can do it?"  
  
"Just take it one step at a time, like dinner tonight. By the way, I'm going to announce your  
test results later tonight. Asuka might actually be impressed with you..." She cooed, watching Shinji  
squirm. "Now hurry up and go get ready. I think Asuka just shut the water off in there!"  
  
"Right!"  
  
Shinji folded the diagram of Asuka up and beat feet to his room, closing the door behind him as   
fast as he could. Misato had been right, their best chance to plan was when she was showering. Safe in his  
room for the moment, Shinji had a new immediate goal-find something to wear to dinner that would make  
him look desirable, yet down to earth. Did he even own such an outfit? There was that blue button-down  
shirt that he had been saving in his closet...Shinji made his decision then and there that it was now or  
never.  
  
  
"Well, that was fun!" Misato mused as she arose from the table and moved toward her own  
room. Now for the more unpleasant part of the evening, deciding what to wear. It wasn't going to be  
easy. She needed that perfect outfit that would remind Kaji of how they used to be, but not something to  
make her look too ready. Silently, she cursed his name. The old saying was true, there was no helping the  
person you fall in love with. She might not have had much control over it, but she didn't have to like it. It  
was hardly fair to her, after all. Life hadn't been very fair to her. The thought occurred to her that  
these brief moments of fun might indeed be all the happiness she was entitled to. And they were much too  
few and far between. But she didn't pretend to deserve better. Her life consisted mostly of justifying  
her own actions, usually with excuses she didn't really believe in the first place. Again, no that she had  
any choice. If one wanted to survive at NERV, then one had to become fluent in dishonesty and lies.  
Anyone whom she outranked was trustworthy, because that person knew even less than she did. People at  
the same level as her she always approached warily, because they could no more or less than she did. And  
it would never do to let on the full extent of your knowledge, or else you would become expendable.  
Misato never trusted anyone who outranked her. She would follow their orders, no problem, but she made  
it a habit never to believe a word they said. It was becoming increasingly apparent that there was a huge  
conspiracy centered around Second Impact, much deeper than the one Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki  
unearthed 10 years before. But there was little she could do. NERV only handed out information on a  
need-to-know basis. And she knew too well that being the Director of Operations didn't make her privy  
to as much information as she deserved to be. Her attempts to find anything out were always the same, a  
polite but firm stonewalling. Eventually, she had stopped trying and taken the hint. She could kid herself  
all she wanted, but her position on the "ruling council" of NERV was a joke. She wasn't allowed to make  
any important decisions that weren't directly related to an Angel attack. Meanwhile, her friend Ritsuko  
seemed more and more involved every time she saw her.  
  
Misato Katsuragi resolved at that moment to find out what was being so closely guarded.  
  
  
"Informal, yet elegant." Asuka had made these words her motto for the evening. She needed to  
look just right for Kaji if she was going to catch his eye; desirable, but she couldn't be too brash about  
it either. She didn't want Kaji to see directly through her. She would not allow his seduction to be  
anything less than a complete masterpiece. She owed that much to herself.   
  
Asuka was all about black that evening. From her foundation garments to her shoes, she went  
with black. This outfit had been hidden in a box under her bed for quite some time. It had been nearly a  
year and a half since she had worn it, and she was relieved to find that it still fit, though certain parts of  
it felt tighter than she remembered them being. The dress looked best on her in a room with low lighting.  
She was pleased when she looked in the mirror-her outfit looked provocatively seductive, while still  
managing to leave everything to the imagination. She opened a dresser drawer and took out a pair of  
black gloves and fondled them for a moment, before ultimately putting them back. The gloves would be  
too much. "Informal, yet elegant." She allowed that rule to govern her hair as well, she combed it several  
different ways before ultimately deciding to just style it the way she would if she were going to school.  
Her blue eyes danced as she slipped on a pair of wide-bottomed heels. They gave her a little bit of extra   
height without making walking a chore.  
  
Satisfied that she was as ready as she possibly could be, she emerged from her bedroom to  
find Shinji and Misato standing in the kitchen, awaiting her. Misato took one look as Asuka, let her gaze  
drifted to Shinji for a moment, and then began giggling. "Black and blue, huh? With the way you two  
fight..."  
  
"Stuff it, Misato!" Asuka yelled. She then turned to Shinji. "And you! You idiot! Why did you  
have to dress up like that and ruin the effect of my gorgeous outfit?!"  
  
Shinji's heart sank. "I-I'm sorry, Asuka. If you want, I'll go and change."  
  
"There's no time for that, stupid! You did this on purpose!"  
  
"And how do you propose he did that, Asuka?" Misato interjected. "No one knew what you  
were going to wear until a minute ago! Shinji couldn't have planned it on purpose! How was he supposed to  
know you were going to wear all black?!"  
  
It took Asuka a moment to fumble for an answer. *Damn her logic!* "I-He probably came  
across it in my room while he was looking for some of my panties to sniff or something! Everyone knows  
he's a pervert!"  
  
Misato groaned.  
  
Shinji raced across the room to the table, grabbing a napkin to help stop the considerable  
nosebleed he was developing.   
  
Asuka stood in triumph.  
  
"Let's go." Misato said at length. Shinji and Asuka began following her out the door, bickering  
all the while. "It's going to be a looooooong night." The Major said to the ceiling of the elevator.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
And so ends yet another installment in my story. I know it's a tad bit shorter than most of my  
installment, but yas gets what yas pays for, okay? Anywho, with some extra space in file size this time  
out, I thought I'd do a short FAQ. Hopefully this will answer a lot of your questions, but I'll leave you  
my address so you can reach me with any more that creep up!  
  
  
Q: Why do you take so long to update "Round Perdition's Flames?"  
  
  
A: Because I often don't feel like writing, because I'm not in the right frame of mind. I've been having a  
bad.......year, I guess. Sorry to all my fans who have to wait what must seem like eons for the equivalent  
of a few more pages.  
  
  
Q: How long is "Round Perdition's Flames" going to be?  
  
  
A: Long. There is a lot of stuff that is going to happen in the story. Although you'll start seeing more time  
pass between installments in the story after we get past Sunday. Sometimes days and weeks might go by.  
You'll see.  
  
  
Q: Do you have any other fanfiction projects?  
  
  
A: Yes. I am co-authoring a 26 episode fanfic, "Sailor Moon W," with a good friend of mine. Episode 1  
has was posted a few weeks ago under his name, I think he goes by "The RoboNerd." Check it out in the  
Sailor Moon section! I also have a "Big-O" fic, that has been ongoing for some time, but it is on nowhere  
near as large a scale as the previous two I mentioned. It probably has 4-7 chapters left to go. Finally, I  
am SERIOUSLY considering a 7-10 chapter Harry Potter fanfic. I don't want to give away the plot, but  
I will say that it involves Hermione and the famous painting "Persistence of Memory" (you know, the one  
with all the melting clocks). Sound good? Other non-"Perdition" works that I've penned recently or  
semi-recently are two short-fics. "Tapestry" was a shortfic from Asuka's POV while she's in a coma.  
"Final Greetings" is a chance encounter between Harry Potter and Hermione Granger on the final night  
of their first year at Hogwarts. Be sure to check either (or both) out and leave a review. Those are the  
only rewards we fanfic authors get!   
  
  
Q: You seem to write a lot of stuff. Do you have a life outside of writing?  
  
  
A: Yes, very much so, which is why you see things like 8 month gaps between updates!  
  
  
Q: Could you write "Perdition" faster?  
  
  
A: Yes. But then it would suck. Because I can do it good or I can do it fast, but not both. "Perdition"  
draws on a lot of personal stuff in my life. And it's rather difficult to write at times. I have to be in a  
specific mood. And even when I am in that mood, I'm often too tired to write. I know this is not efficient  
in the slightest, but I do plan on finishing the thing someday. Maybe some of you will still be alive then, I  
don't know (j/k).  
  
  
Okay, we have time for, maybe 30, 40 more questions. I'm not going anywhere.  
  
  
Q: Will you marry me?  
  
  
A: When I said you can send your marriage proposals, I wasn't entirely kidding! Lord Malachite really  
needs a good woman to help get his life back on track and help him find out where he screwed it up. Send  
your nicest picture and a short letter on the kind of person you are to ranger_writer@yahoo.com  
  
  
Well, that about wraps it up this time. You'll find my usual disclaimer below. Thanks for reading!  
  
  
The necessary Legal Lingo Junk--In writing this story, the author is in no way attempting to take credit  
for Neon Genesis Evangelion or any of the characters contained therein. This is a work contributed to  
Public Domain, and the author has not been paid so much as a penny for this story. Neon Genesis  
Evangelion is copyrighted by Gainax, A.D.V. Films holds the rights (hostage?) to the English Language  
Version.  
  
  
As always, send your comments, compliments, questions, complaints, love letters, death threats, marriage  
proposals, and ransom demands to:  
  
  
Lord Malachite  
ranger_writer@yahoo.com  
  
  
Are you still here? 


	11. Dinner Theater

Round Perdition's Flames

Part IX

"Dinner Theater"

"We came, we came, we came again

To stem the tide and point the blame

Came back for more

Came back to see what you had in store

Everyone join along......

Everyone.......

So you wanna spin the world around?

So you wanna spin the world around and everybody else can come around?

So you wanna big catstrophe?

Won't you send it right over to me?

I've got some time

Everybody run and hide."

                        --Gomez

                        "We Haven't Turned Around"

            Seeing Asuka dressed in black immediately filled Shinji with a sense of dread. The little tiff they had shared just before leaving hadn't helped, to be certain. Asuka's choice of outfit intimidated him, to say the least, and he consciously inched away from her in the back seat of Misato's car. This was going to be a night to remember, but each minute increased Shinji's doubts that he would look back on the evening with fondness. It was likely to be an arena for his own personal embarrassment. 

            Love was most definitely in the air, and Shinji knew it was going to be painful. He wanted Asuka. Asuka wanted Kaji. Kaji wanted Misato. Misato wanted Kaji but was never going to say anything about it. And now, they were all sharing dinner together. Except now there would be a few extra faces to exacerbate the situation. Dr. Akagi was going to be there, and Shinji knew how she would tease Misato endlessly about Kaji. Meanwhile, Kaji would likely flirt ceaselessly with Akagi, making the Major all the more jealous. Asuka would get jealous and attempt to stymie Kaji's flirtations. "And all I get to do is sit back and watch a disaster waiting-to-happen unfold." Shinji whispered. 

            Oh, great. Now he was having second thoughts. Thirds, fourths, and fifths soon followed. Shinji stole a quick glance at Asuka. His eyes found the girl looking intently out the window, an incredibly serious expression on her face. Asuka was most definitely up to something, and Shinji knew without a doubt that he didn't want to find himself on the wrong side of whatever her scheme was.

Asuka's  thoughts were all but readable. Fortunately,  the car was traveling at Misato's standard breakneck speed, and those thoughts remained a mystery to any passers-by. Not that anyone could possibly pass Misato. *What an idiot! It's not enough that he throws my fashion coordination off, now he's got to brood in the corner. I swear, his negative energy is really making me sick! Anyone else in his position would be gleaming! Here I am, the most beautiful girl in this whole stupid city! Any of those losers back at school would jump at the chance to take me to dinner! Oh, yeah, I forgot. Shinji's twice as big an idiot as anyone of the others, save maybe those other two stooges he hangs out with. He should feel privileged and honored. I've even been nice to the cretin lately! Well, if he wants to act like a child, fine! I'm not going to let that ruin my evening. I've got bigger fish to fry. Scrumptious, Kaji-flavored fish.* Asuka grinned mischievously and began calculating her plan of attack.

Misato's head ached uncontrollably as she sped erratically towards the quasi-romantic rendezvous of the evening. She saw the face of the forlorn Third Child behind her, and the increasingly happier expressions of the Second Child across from him. *There is no God.* She quietly mused, then proceeded to give the gas pedal a stronger workout than usual.

The clouds of Shinji's gloominess began to recede as he eyed the party awaiting them on the cushions in the foyer. Kaji was dressed in his usual manner, his wrinkled shirt and crooked tie giving him an overworked look. When combined with his usual stubble, a person who didn't know him would be confused as to whether he was overly dedicated to his job or just completely unconcerned with appearances. 

Ritsuko Akagi was sitting across from him in modest evening wear. Shinji had to blink; he could only recall one other circumstance that he had seen her in anything but her traditional lab coat. She was dressed in black, like Asuka, but Shinji quickly noticed that there were vast differences. While the dress certainly made Ritsuko look pretty, it was in no way designed to draw attention to her. There was nothing tantalizing, nothing to encourage the eyes. Asuka was probably muttering under her breath over the color, yet in the end, Shinji seriously doubted that she would have to worry about "competition" from Dr. Akagi. 

But it was Rei who drew Shinji's attention. Rei, who he hadn't even expected to be here. Rei was dressed in her usual school uniform, with this tinge of…was that embarrassment on her face? No, that couldn't be right. Rei was definitely not a "people" person, for that matter, neither was he, but she by no means had anything to be embarrassed about. Perhaps Kaji and Ritsuko were engaging in conversation that Rei found uncomfortable? Perhaps she just felt embarrassed about being around so many people? "Perhaps I should go over with everyone else and find out." Shinji muttered under his breath, just as Asuka began to show off her vocal prowess.

            "KAJI!" She exclaimed, running the rest of the short distance and wrapping her arms around his neck in an embrace. Ritsuko covered her mouth and giggled to herself, while Kaji rolled his eyes at her. 

            "Hello, Asuka." He greeted the girl with as little enthusiasm as he could get away with. "My, don't you look lovely this evening." 

            Asuka practically swooned as Misato and Shinji joined the crowd. He noticed! Kaji blinked twice at Shinji, then darted his eyes over his shoulder; where Asuka's head was now shamelessly tucked, in an effort to prolong the hug as long as possible. 

            Shinji observed the signal he was getting from Kaji and quickly did what any self-respecting male does with a signal--miss it entirely. He instead took a sudden interest in the floral arrangements set up beside the benches, inadvertently abandoning Kaji to his fate. 

            "I'm glad you like it." Asuka smiled. "It's high time I started dressing for success." Somehow, Kaji got the feeling that there was a double-meaning to her words, and he wasn't exactly sure he liked that.

            Misato rolled her eyes and cleared her throat. "Perhaps we should see about our table?" She suggested.

            "Please." Kaji insisted, untangling himself from the grip of Asuka. He half-heartedly straightened his jacket, but soon found Asuka trying to hook his arm with hers. Deciding that he was going to have to call out the weaponry, Kaji unhooked himself, telling Asuka that she was going to make her boyfriend jealous. The comment had the desired effect, and Shinji quickly found himself on the receiving side of an Asuka rant, being berated for something he wasn't aware he had done. Shinji took the time to try and remember what it was he desired about Asuka. At the moment, he couldn't recall.

            Rei observed their interaction, and remarked to herself the curious nature of male/female relationships, even where "love" was not involved. Humans were curious creatures, and she noted that her situation gave her a unique perspective on others. She had always been set apart. She knew that she was not "normal," if a proper connotation of that word even existed. But she still struggled with the concept of what "normal" was. People felt compelled to keep her at a distance, yet she felt the same way, and often held herself apart from others. She went through life on a fixed track, following the plan that was laid out for her. It was an existence she imagined people like the colorful Pilot Sohryu would find irritating, to say the least. But someone like Sohryu could never understand. The two of them were from completely different worlds. This was not necessarily a bad thing. The dynamics of how people interacted still escaped her. How did two mismatched personalities such as Pilot Ikari and Pilot Sohryu share a living quarters? From her observations, it was clear to her that Major Katsuragi was not present often enough to prevent altercations. Pilot Sohryu was a very dominating individual, but the Commander's son was not completely submissive. When motivated, he acted on his feelings. He had done so with her, more than once. She fondly recalled the time when they faced Ramiel. She had somehow saddened Ikari with her words before they had gone into battle. She still did not understand, but she remembered that he had wept over her. It was…she could not call up an adjective that seemed fitting to the experience. To see her teammate go from a state of calm reflection, to grim determination, and then to begin crying…truly, the commander's son was a very special kind of person. 

            What was, perhaps, most difficult of all, was that there was a quality about Shinji that caused her heart to go out to him; or at least, she guessed that was what the feeling was. It was an altogether new sensation. Every so often, when she was alone, she would dwell on the matter. She had digested several books on romance during her education, but none of it felt right. She did not want to hold Ikari in a sexual manner, but she perceived that her feelings were more than platonic. 

            If there was one thing Rei wanted to improve about herself, it was her emotional perception. People often mistook her for lacking emotion, a belief that was completely untrue. On the contrary, Rei was greatly troubled by her own feelings. She did not seem to have control and understanding over them. When they surfaced, it would frequently be an intense experience, often occurring at a most inappropriate time. She recalled how she had once slapped Pilot Ikari for expressing his reservations about the Commander. She had not been able to help herself at the moment. It was as though a sum of all the respect and fondness she felt for the Commander had taken control of her body. 

            Rei was snapped out of her daydream as she was escorted into her seat by Misato, who had already seated "The Bickersons," as the Major occasionally referred to them as.

Kaji and Misato sat across Rei and Ristuko, respectively, with Shinji and Asuka staring each other down across the table. Asuka didn't take long to defeat her roommate, however, and it wasn't long before she was once again gazing upon the magnificence that is Kaji. 

            Shinji was bored. It wasn't a feeling he was accustomed to. Usually, he was perfectly content to immerse himself in his thoughts or his SDAT if no other distractions were present. But his player was at home, and his own thoughts left him little solace at the moment. A quick glance at Rei revealed that she was going to be her usual, gregarious self. Asuka, on the other hand, was hanging on the edge of the conversation the "adults" were having, trying to interject something so that she would be noticed. Occasionally, she succeeded, but Shinji couldn't help but notice that the overall effect gave her the appearance of hovering like a waif. And so, fully knowing that he would quickly regret it, Shinji placed one of the sugar packets he had been fingering upright on the table, and flung it in Asuka's general direction. 

            The projectile went wide, flying through the hair to the left side of Asuka's head. There was something satisfying about it, Shinji noticed. Perhaps it was because even though Asuka was probably going to kill him, he had, at least, managed to attract her attention in a manner even she had to respect. For once, he was direct. 

            "Did you lose something, Shinji?" Asuka asked him sarcastically. Her voice was rather calm, for her, but Shinji could see there was a quiet fury behind her eyes. It was strange to see Asuka holding herself in check, but he quickly realized that it was because she was out with Kaji. She wouldn't make a scene here, or she would look bad in front of him.

            "Not really, Asuka. I just wanted to get your attention."

            "Uh-huh. And which stooge, pray tell, was the one who imparted unto you the infinite wisdom of grabbing female attention through the art of hurling objects at them?"

            Shinji had to go over what Asuka had said three times, and he still wasn't completely sure he got it. He looked up at her with a puzzled expression. Asuka sighed, then tried a more simple tactic. "Which of your goony friends told you winging sugar packets at girls' heads was a good way to make us notice you?!"

            "Er, I'm not sure. Was it Toji?"

            Shinji could not, of course, tell Asuka about what Toji and Kensuke had been trying to tell him about girls. Not that they seemed to know much anyway. They were quite hung up on female anatomy, but it hadn't taken long for Shinji to realize that for all their knowledge of the female body, they had no idea how to properly treat and woo a girl so that they would even have access to said areas.

            "I just...wanted to talk to you Asuka."

            "Fine, we're talking. Are you happy?"

            "Yeah, I guess so. I've just been trying to get a better idea of who you are, since we've been living together for awhile now. But...I don't really know all that much about you Asuka."

            Asuka snorted. "There's not much to tell! You've seen me in action. And I prefer to let my actions speak for me. You don't get to be the top pilot by talking, you get it through action. Hard work. Determination."

            Shinji found he wasn't going to be getting any kind of answer he was looking for out of his roommate. He also had the distinct impression that she had just managed to completely avoid his question without appearing to do so.

            "What about yourself?" Asuka asked.

            "What about me?" Shinji inquired.

            "Yeah. You're the mysterious Third Child who came out of nowhere and synched with his Eva for the first time with no prior training."

            "Hey, it wasn't anything all that special. I didn't even want to do it! They just forced me to."

            Asuka sighed. "C'mon, Shinji! You're the son of Commander Ikari! So tell me, what's he like, really?"

            "My f-father?"

            "Of course! What are you, stupid?!"

            "N-no! Of course not! It's just...my father...the way he is at work.......?"

            "Yeah?"

            "That's the way he is everywhere."

            Asuka let out an audible gulp. "Oh."

            "Yeah."

            What was passing for pleasant conversation was sadly interrupted by the waiter, who placed a small menu in view of the children. "Would you care for an appetizer?" He asked with a slightly arrogant voice. Shinji didn't like the looks of the guy. He was a bit gawky, with legs too long, a beard that reminded him of his father, and a nose that Toji would've said needed punching. 

            Asuka's eyes briefly passed over the selections before she pushed the menu away. "I already have an appetite, thanks. But I suppose you can bring me a small salad if you have one." She waved him off with a flick of her wrist.

            "And you sir?" asked the waiter, clearly unhappy with the way the redhead was treating him. 

            "The same." Shinji smiled, handing the menu back to the waiter.

            "Dressing?"

            "Ranch." Asuka stated curtly.

            Their waiter looked at Shinji, a smirk on his face. "Let me guess, the same?"

            "Yes." Shinji responded. The waiter made a quick note on his pad and began making his way to the other end of the table.

            "I didn't know you liked ranch." Asuka was impressed.

            "Actually, I've never tried it. But you seem to have good taste when it comes to food."

            Now it was Asuka's turn to smirk. "Shinji, you haven't seen anything yet."

            Rei couldn't help but notice that this was a very new sensation indeed. Something was rubbing up against her leg. Seemingly on purpose. She glanced at Major Katsuragi, who sat beside her. No, it could not be her. She was engaged too deeply in a conversation with Mr. Kaji. Besides, the angle was wrong. That left...Rei's eyes darted across the table to see that of Agent Kaji Ryoji. He raised his eyebrows at her, and Rei then felt his foot begin to travel up her leg. 

            In that moment, Rei Ayanami felt very hot, and it showed. Her face began to flush red, and she tried to turn away from the others. *Does Mr. Kaji have...feelings...for me?* Rei wondered. She had never felt embarrassment of this nature before. It was not a feeling that was familiar to her, but it still didn't take her very long to decide she wasn't very fond of the sensation. It was little wonder to her why the more outspoken Second Child would become nearly unbearable if embarrassed. Another mystery solved. Yet she still felt uneasy. Rei reached for her glass of water to help ease the heat sensation that accompanied this feeling. The intensity of her own emotions bothered her at times. She silently wished that someone could understand. But there was no one that she could share her thoughts with. No one could understand. The only person who could see things from her frame of reference was herself. 

The salad turned out to be one of the more interesting eating experiences that Shinji could recall. It had been a long time indeed since he'd eaten a deluxe salad like the waiter had placed in front of him. A blended iceberg/romaine base, with cucumbers, tomatoes, mushrooms, carrots, broccoli, olives, and a bit of shredded cheese. Shinji could've sworn that he and Asuka had ordered small salads. Apparently the chef here took his cues from American fast food restaurants, where the smallest size on the menu would only leave Toji hungry. 

Asuka seemed not to notice. She just poured a rather generous amount of ranch dressing from the boat onto her salad and happily munched away. It was only now that Shinji realized how self-conscious having dinner with Miss Sohryu was making him feel. What if he accidentally grabbed the wrong fork? Was she going to be silently judging him as he ate? Perhaps, but he tried to remind himself that she had pretty much already made up her mind about him. Of course, screwing up here meant that he would only validate her low opinion of him. Doing things right this evening, on the other hand, might actually score him a point or two. He suddenly felt as though all the insidious powers of teenage male insecurity were working on him at once. 

With much effort, Shinji took hold of the boat and poured a significantly smaller amount of ranch dressing onto his salad, then began eating. His faith had not been misplaced—he soon found he had quite a liking for ranch dressing. It gave the salad a nice little zip without seeming unnatural. Maybe it was the onion?

Asuka glanced in his direction, sighed, and laid her fork to rest beside her bowl. "Shinji, it's ranch dressing."         

"Yeah, you told me."

"It's not wine."

"I beg your pardon?"

"You should see yourself?! You're eating it painfully so, wearing this expression like your analyzing each bite. Tell me, do you ever do anything normal? Next thing, I'll find out your one of those horrible people that puts one sock and one shoe on, instead of both socks then both shoes."

"That's not true."

"So there is something normal about you after all?!"

"Look, I'm sorry we're not the most compatible people. I know it must be very difficult for you to have to live with someone like me. But do we have to fight all the time?"

"Of course! This is about territoriality! As the best pilot, I should be entitled to the kind of living conditions I want."

"Conditions that don't include me?"

Asuka sighed. "Look, truth be told, you have your uses. I'll kill you if I hear this from anyone else, but NERV does need you around. I may be the only pilot they need in most situations, but at times backup is necessary. Like when we fought the 10th Angel. I made the kill, but you and Wondergirl had to help catch it."

"Are you admitting you needed help?"

"Hold on a minute! I said no such thing. It wasn't me who needed the help, it was Unit-02! An Eva isn't strong enough to repel that much mass, you know that! It took 3 of our AT fields to slow it down enough to set up a killing blow. Which I made, thank you very much."

"Hmm."

"And there was that 7th Angel. I may be the best, but I can't be in two places at once. So I needed your help there. Of course, that still doesn't excuse the way you broke the form and made us fall all over each other at the end. Besides, I'd much rather have you backing me up than Wondergirl."

Shinji sighed. "Thanks. Coming from you, that's a compliment."

Asuka grimaced. "I meant what I said, you know." 

"What, that I have a purpose?"

"No. That if I find out you've told anyone I said that, I –will- kill you." Asuka then picked up her fork and began devouring her salad again, grinning evilly at Shinji all the while.

            Ritsuko sighed. "Give it up, Misato. Just admit it, you've never been in a relationship that didn't use sex as the primary bond."

            Misato spluttered on her wine as Kaji came to her defense. "Now, now, that isn't necessarily true."

            "Please don't tell me you're going to use your past relationship with her as an exception."

            "Perhaps. Perhaps not. I don't deny that we had an extremely healthy sexual appetite back in those days, but there was more to us than getting naked. If that weren't the case, then we wouldn't have lasted for as long as we did. You of all people should know that perception is not reality."

            "Look, I'm not trying to pick Misato apart. I don't pretend to be an expert on relationships. Both of you are by far my superiors on that playing field. All I meant was that sex just isn't all that big a deal anymore."

            "Maybe not, but it should be. I don't know if I could ever make love to a woman I didn't have feelings for."

            "Oh?" both Misato and Ritsuko inquired at the same time

            "If I'm going to engage in the act, I don't want it to be a lie. While it is true that sex is a very pleasurable, physical act, it is our thoughts and emotions that make it all the more erotic and. . .shall we say, enjoyable?

            "Well, Kaji, if that's true, perhaps I've been a fool to reject your advances over all this time." Akagi smirked as steam began to rise from the Major's ears.

            Misato snorted. "Please! If you want this jerk, he's all yours!"

            "Oh, I don't know about that, Misato. He's rather fixated on you."

            "Believe me, he isn't picky. Not so long as you're breathing and carry the X chromosome."

            "That's hardly far." Kaji rebutted.

            "It's hardly untrue, you mean."

            "Katsuragi, you are the only girl I've ever been serious about."

            "Sorry, I'm not buying today. Take it somewhere else." She gave him a snoot for emphasis. Frustrated, he turned to Rei.

            "What about you, Rei? Don't you think the Major is overstepping her bounds just a bit? I suppose I'll just have to share my gentleman's attitude with you."

            Rei's cheeks flushed and she subconsciously pushed further back into her seat.

            Misato snorted. "I wouldn't stand for that if I were you, Rei. Kaji's idea of being gentlemanly is as twisted as it comes."

            "How so?!" Kaji demanded.

            "Oh, I haven't forgotten that time Ritsuko and I were skinny dipping and you came by and sat on our swimsuits."

            "What?! I was doing the chivalrous thing by preventing anyone from coming up and stealing them! You can't be too careful, you know."

            "Do we really have to have this discussion?" Ritsuko groaned. 

            "I don't believe this!" Asuka yelled, her interest having been thoroughly piqued by the heated discussion the adults were having. "Kaji, it's not really true, is it? You wouldn't do a thing like that to someone?"

            "Like you're so innocent?" Misato laughed. "I haven't forgotten that third week you were here when you snuck into the men's locker room and stole Shinji's pants and towel while he was in the shower!"

            "I still haven't completely forgiven you for it either." Shinji mumbled, just loud enough so that Asuka was able to hear the gist of it.

            "It was so precious!" Misato crooned. "Shinji comes slinking out against the wall with a couple of washcloths covering his unmentionables! Asuka had already left with his pants, so I had to get him a spare plug suit to wear home."

            Shinji turned quite red and tried to disappear underneath the table.

            "Yeah, well, as I recall you made me do all his chores for a week because of that little joke?!" Asuka countered. "I don't see what the big deal was. It was the perfect practical joke—clean, efficient, and deadly. And nobody was hurt. Even Shinji admits it was funny, right?"

            Shinji sighed and nodded his agreement. Much as he would've liked to take advantage of the chance to repay Asuka for the embarrassment, he knew it wouldn't score him any points with her. Going along with her, on the other hand, would. But it didn't mean he had to like it.

            Rei was considering retelling the time Ikari had visited her apartment and managed to fall on top of her after she was just emerging from the shower, but then she thought better of it. Such a story might cause too large of a reaction out of the others, particularly Pilot Sohryu, who never did anything quietly, it seemed. Besides, she didn't want to explain what it was about the Commander's glasses that was so important to her. She wasn't entirely certain herself, and she knew that she would not be able to make the others understand. So as usual, she sat quietly, and observed. Had Agent Kaji just attempted to make another romantic overture towards her? No, that couldn't be. Could it? She could not be certain. Best to bide her time. There was no need to fuel an uncomfortable situation. If confronted by him, then she would politely turn him down. It was as simple as that.

            It wasn't long before the conversation degenerated into everyone trying to shout their points out at once. Shinji and Rei were the only two real hold-outs. Rei said nothing, while Shinji would occasionally try in vain to get the attention of one of the others, only to be drowned out (often by Asuka). Rei turned to gaze out the window at the people walking through the night streets, silently praying an apology to the waiter for getting saddled with the most difficult patrons in all of Tokyo-3.

STOP!

Did you know that you are reading an inferior version of this chapter? Yes, it's true. In an effort to make more of my work known in the fanfiction world, I have decided to start leaving certain scenes out of the versions I post at FF.net and all other pages save my own. These scenes I cut out do not affect the story in such a way that the reader will be lost, but tend to be more background scenes. They show what other characters are doing and thinking, or perhaps foreshadow things that will come later. Nevertheless, I suspect many of my readers will want to read them. At least, that's what I'm hoping. So from now on, the version you are reading here (from whatever site that may be) will be appropriately labeled as the Mass Market Version (MMV). My Author's Preferred Version  (APV) will be available via Swead Entertentainment.

What is Swead Entertainment? As small, low-tech, but ambitious personal website featuring 3 authors—Myself, The RoboNerd, and Weltall Elite. In the future, we will be seeking out other authors to join our intrepid crew of writers. I hope you'll come check us out! Come see us at Swead Entertainment via the link below.

Swead Entertainment

http://www.intcon.net/~sonny/se/

In the meantime, though, don't think this means you're off the hook as far as telling me how I'm doing. As usual, Read, enjoy or dislike, and then tell the author about it. Tell me about it in detail. Even if my story is nauseating you! Leave a review or drop me an e-mail

Lord Malachite

ranger_writer@yahoo.com

So what's next? The fun-filled dinner continues, like a bomb that will send all the sub-plots off in their proper directions. Sound like fun? Then be here!

Satisfaction is not guaranteed—Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #19

7/17/02


	12. Etiquette

Round Perdition's Flames

Part X

Etiquette 

"Something faintly emanating perfume and decay

Whispered lightly in the wind that she had got away

Longing for the touch of something soft upon my face

I thought about her fingertips and not her lack of grace"

                                    --The Residents

                                    "Fingertips"

            Rei shifted her legs yet again, but her would-be suitor didn't seem very good at taking hints. Asking him to stop would only cause a scene. She resigned herself to enduring the advances for the duration of the evening. She was confident she would find a private moment later to openly reject his overtures and tell him to move on to greener pastures. At least, that was her intent. Certainly she had not expected anyone to so overtly express interest in her as a woman. Not even the two men she felt closest to, Commander Ikari and his son, behaved in such a manner towards her, although there had been that one occasion that seemed to bother Pilot Ikari, his discomfort saddened her. She did not like making others uncomfortable, but her quiet and separate demeanor tended to have this effect on others. Now when Rei stopped to consider some of the things she and Shinji had shared, she regretted that she had made him feel uncomfortable. Maybe it was just her lot in life. Still, she did not really know what it was to be "normal." She knew, of course, that no one regarded her as such, but rarely did she find that this mattered to her. Being set apart from the others usually suited her, she saw no reason to seek personal friendships with the other children in her class. None of them would understand her unique existence. 

            Things had quieted down a bit at the behest of Dr. Akagi, not to mention the restaurant management. A round of alcohol passed through the lips of the adults, and all arguments had been laughed off. The children were another story. Rei still seemed to border on fidgety behavior, something Shinji had never seen her do before. Shinji had slipped into his "don't speak unless spoken to" demeanor, and Asuka seemed to be hovering between the moods of annoyed and mischievous. It was in her latter frame of mind that she spoke to Shinji. "Having fun, Third Child?"

            "Hmm? Oh, yes. Very much so."

            Asuka snorted. "You aren't very good at lying. You know, if you'd make an effort to talk more, you might find some common ground with others. It's certainly better than just sitting there moping."

            Mentally, Shinji conceded that Asuka had a point, but he also considered the source and took her advice with a grain of salt. Asuka might be outgoing, but he certainly never heard her talking about herself. And even when she did, it was only with regards to her wonderful abilities as an Eva pilot. Shinji had yet to even overhear her have one conversation about what it was like to live in Germany. The only time she ever spoke of Germany was when she had something negative to say regarding the Japanese culture.

            "I'm sorry. I guess I've never been much of a conversationalist. My father isn't either. I guess it just runs in the family."

            "Then maybe you should aspire to be better. No one ever got anywhere without being outgoing." 

            "But I-"

            "Oh c'mon! You can't be that bad! How did you manage to become friends with the other two stooges in our class?"

            "Well, Kensuke kind of worships me because I pilot an Eva. And Toji, well, he didn't always like me. He used to blame for his sister getting hurt, until that time he had to get into the entry plug with me..."

            "He did what?!"

            "It's a long story. Kensuke was there too. It...wasn't really one of my finer moments. I don't want to talk about it."

            Asuka stared at him for a moment, then snorted and changed the subject. "What about when you first moved in with Misato? Was that awkward?" 

            "Misato and I. . .we don't really see eye-to-eye on a lot of things. It's not that I think she's a bad person, or even that she's wrong. But we have very different lifestyles."

            "I don't know anyone who lives like Misato. She's so messy and disorganized!"

            "You really should've seen what her apartment looked like when I first moved in."

            "Knock it off, you're starting to scare me!"

            "Well, remember when you first moved in and you had all your boxes piled around the place?" Asuka nodded. "It was a lot like that, except the rest of the place was covered in empty beer cans and spent instant ramen or curry cups. The was a really narrow path that ran from her bedroom, past the bathroom, and to the kitchen. There probably would have been a lot of roaches before long if I hadn't decided to give the place a more fitting look."

            "Hmpf, well, I suppose you are a bit more useful than you look."

            "Hey, the alternative is Misato's cooking." Shinji said as he held his arms up in front of him."

            "Point taken. Besides, this is a lot better than the last fancy dinner I had out."

            "You mean when Misato took us out for ramen?"

            "I said 'fancy' you idiot! No, the last time was in Germany. Kaji took me out the night before we left." This puzzled Shinji, since he knew that Asuka loved to spend time with Kaji. "Everything was going so nice, and then his stupid boss had to call his stupid phone and tell him to get back to stupid HQ. Something about a stupid package he had to deliver to your father. All I know is that it ruined what could've been a perfect evening. But at least Kaji will be here all night, even if I don't have him to myself." Asuka glowered at Misato, staring daggers for a moment before putting on a grin. "Adults. They just don't know how to loosen up."

            On cue, a basket of bread was placed between the two Children. "Are we ready to order, Miss?" Their waiter asked.

            "Meat sounds good to me, thanks. I'll have the Prime Rib. A loaded baked potato and a side of mushrooms to go with it. Hey, does the bar serve non-alcoholic drinks?"

            "Several. Would you like me to bring a menu?"

            "Of course!"

            "And the gentleman?"

            "Teriyaki chicken with the House vegetable." Shinji decided.

            "Anything to drink?"

            "Just a glass of water." The waiter quickly departed. "You want a drink?"

            "Depends on what they serve, I've been dying for a raspberry daiquiri since I left Germany. It's okay, there's no alcohol. You should try one."

            "I don't know. . ."

            "Hey, I haven't steered you wrong yet, Shinji!"

            "Yeah, but we're on a limited budget."

            "Pfft, if we go over, I'll just get Kaji to cover it."

            "How?"

            "Because I can be very persuasive when I want to be, Shinji." Shinji decided not to press for further information, lest she demonstrate her abilities on him. "I can't believe this!" Asuka growled in frustration. "Look at this! The butter is hard! How am I supposed to spread this, huh?! Leave this jerk a small tip, Shinji!"

            "But it's not the waiter's fault if the butter is hard. It's the fault of the person who put it in there."        

            "I don't care! The waiter is the representative of this restaurant, so it's his damn problem!"

             "Can't you just eat it without butter?"

            "That's not the point you idiot! The point is that I shouldn't have to! Small tip!"

            "But-"

            "Don't argue!"

            "Alright, alright." Anything to make her change the subject!

            "You see?"

            "What?"

            Asuka grinned. "That's feminine persistence for you." Asuka sighed. "Kaji understands...."

            "What? About women?"

            "About everything. He's not boring like most boys."

            Shinji stared down at his napkin. "I'm sorry. I'm not as good company as he is, I know."

            "No, you're not. But you've been slightly more tolerable. I think that if I locked you in a dark cellar for a few years, you might mature into something a woman might want to have dinner with."

            "Even you?"

            "Don't push your luck!"

            "So ladies, what have we established here?" Kaji inquired in a flirtatious voice.

            "That you're a jerk?" Misato volunteered.

            "Really Katsuragi, I had expected better of you!"

            "Sorry to disappoint." The Major scoffed.

            Ritsuko's hand banged the table hard enough to make the various plates, cups, and silverware vibrate. "Will you two knock it off already? All you ever do is argue! Can't you be mature enough to handle the situation? Your inability to be in the same room together is really aggravating, and I'm tired of it! Clearly you have a lot of issues that you never got over after all this time! Don't let me stop you, alright!" Akagi rose from the table and bowed slightly to Rei. "Rei."

            "Dr. Akagi." Ayanami replied effortlessly.

            Ritsuko then turned towards Shinji and Asuka, whose conversation had come to a very abrupt halt at Ritsuko's outburst.

            "Dr......Akagi?" stammered Shinji.

             "Shinji, Asuka, I'll see you back at Headquarters." Again the slight bow, and Ritsuko showed herself out.

            Misato sat, mouth agape, staring after her friend as she waltzed out the door. Kaji sighed, then put his best smirk on. "She's right, you know."

            "What?! How can you even be thinking about that at a time like this! Look what you did you jerk! Go apologize for ruining her evening!"

            "Why? It was a sacrifice on her part. She's giving up this evening for our sake."

            Misato snorted. "You're a real bastard."

            "No, I just have the ability to see when someone is trying to be a friend. Come on, Katsuragi. We really need to talk, seriously."

            "Screw you."

            "Fine, have it your way. I've already learned the hard way there's no use talking to you when you're stubborn."

            "And just where the hell do you get off making comments like that? You know what, I don't have to sit here and listen to this." And much like her friend before her, Misato stormed out, gathering her coat around her shoulders, Kaji stating after her. Absent from her performance was any acknowledgement of the three children.

            Rei's eyes widened. Suddenly, she found herself sitting all alone at a table with someone who made her uncomfortable. Still, she realized that this was her chance. "Mr. Kaji, there's something I wish to discuss with you."

            "What? Oh.....Rei, I'm sorry."

            "I wanted to ask you...about..."

            "You know, I don't believe I've ever spoken with you before. I apologize if that makes me appear rude."

            "It does not."

            "Thanks. And...I'm sorry if we, ah, ruined your evening. Sometimes it's the adults who act like children."

            "I am not offended. The interaction was rather...intriguing."

            Kaji smiled. "Yeah, I suppose it was. Human drama beats television any day." Rei gave him a quizzical look. Kaji sighed. "Did you come here alone?"

            "Dr. Akagi brought me here, but I can walk home by myself."

            "No, that hardly seems fair. I tell you what, why don't I take you home. I'll stop by someplace and we'll get ourselves something to eat, then I'll bring you home."

            "We can get something to eat here."

            Kaji couldn't help but laugh at her naiveté. "Something tells me we've worn out our welcome here. It'll be alright."

            "It's no trouble, I have food at home. I do not require your assistance."

            "Perhaps not, but you did say you had something you wanted to ask me. And we should get to know each other a little, since technically we're co-workers."

            Rei felt conflicted. Kaji's earlier advances had made her feel a little uncomfortable, but at the same time, he did not seem like someone who was looking to harm her. And she was anxious to ask him about his intentions towards her. She soon found herself agreeing without even realizing that she had accepted.

            "Excellent, don't worry, I know a few places where we can get something more suitable." Standing up, Kaji took a few steps towards Shinji and Asuka's table. 

            "What? You're leaving?!" Asuka cried. "You can't leave! What's going on?!"

            "It's okay, Asuka. I just promised Rei I'd take her home."

            "But I want to go with you too!"

            "You and Shinji already ordered, I saw you earlier. Go ahead and finish."

            "But I don't want to stay here by myself!"

            "Shinji's here."

            "Shinji doesn't count!"

            "Why don't I believe that? He lived with Misato all by himself before you came over from Germany, you know. Trust me, he knows how to have a good time."

            Asuka growled. "You are taking me shopping if I don't have a good time!"

            Kaji grimaced. "Fine, fine. That's how confident I am in my man Shinji here!" He smiled, elbowing Shinji in the shoulder. The impact sent Shinji's head flying into the table. "Oh, uh, sorry Shinji."

            "No problem." Shinji squeaked, rubbing his sore cranium.

            Kaji reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet. You're going to have to pay for the drinks the rest of us ordered. Since Misato and Ritsuko have both run off, it seems I'm stuck with the bill, eh? Well, it's nice to know that some things haven't changed in all these years. Oh, and there's a little something extra in here for all your trouble. Dinner's on me." He grinned.

            "It's okay, I was going to pay for it."

            "You're escorting the lady now, Shinji. Save the cash to take her someplace fun afterwards. She's a woman of good taste."

            "Got that right." Asuka smirked, then turned on Kaji. "Don't think this means I forgive you for running out on me."

            "Another time, perhaps."

            "If you're expecting a goodbye, you won't get one." She stuck her tongue out at him. 

            "Fair enough." Surrendered Kaji. "Take good care of her, Shinji. I'll see you both later."

            "Uh.......goodbye.....Kaji." Shinji stuttered. Asuka looked away from him.

            "Good evening. Rei, shall we?"

            It was after the duo walked out the door that Asuka lost her temper. "Why does the little bitch Wondergirl think she is, trying to steal MY Kaji. She'd better not even think about it. She can find her own man, damn her."

            "I wouldn't worry too much about it Asuka. You and Kaji have a history." Shinji hated trying to put a positive spin on Asuka's crush on Kaji, but the last thing he felt like dealing with this evening was an Asuka who was off on a hostile tangent, something she'd been known to do on more than one occasion. He grinned slightly, thinking to himself. _Hey, not too long ago, I would've made a mistake here and been miserable all night long._

"You know what, Shinji? You're right. Look at me! Rei's got nothing on me, hmpf! She's not even in my league! I've got better legs than she does too....and I know how to use them......."

 Shinji began to turn red. "Um....yes...." _Now what the hell do I do? Does she want me to agree with her? Or will she use it an excuse to call me a pervert and pummel me?_ "I, uh, I don't think you'll have to worry about Rei at all? How could Kaji possibly be interested in her when he can have you?! It's probably just something work-related."  

            Asuka sighed contentedly. "Well, I'm glad that's settled. Hey! Since you have the extra money, I do know of a good ice cream place that Hikari and I often visit after we're shopped out. Your treat." She grinned.

            "That sounds nice."

            "They've got 49 flavors, you really have to see it, words don't do it justice."

            "Are you still going to have that drink?"

            "What are you, stupid?! Of course I am! You can't get a good daiquiri just anywhere, you know!"

            "I'm sorry, I didn't know."

            Asuka sighed. "You're never going to be ready for college life at this rate. Someone has to show you the ropes. But if I have to spend my precious time, you'd damn well better make good use of the things I teach you."

            Shinji couldn't help but gulp. "Yes'm!"

            "Alright then. When the waiter comes back, just follow my lead."

            Rei fidgeted slightly in her seat as Kaji drove the car at a leisurely place down the road. "So Rei, tell me, what's your favorite food?" Kaji asked her casually, trying to put the young girl at ease.

            "I. . .do not have one."

            "You don't have one? There's no specific food that sets your taste buds tingling, eh?"

            "Should there be?"

            "Well, most people do have one, Rei. I don't think that there's necessarily anything wrong with not having one, but it is a bit different. Well then, perhaps we can try something basic. How do you feel about salad that eats like a meal? I know this wonderful little storefront restaurant a few miles from here."

            "That would be agreeable." Kaji needed no further encouragement. He made a quick right at the next intersection and headed through the central part of the city, the lights giving a gentle glow in the evening light. Silence passed between the car's occupants, as Kaji had expected, he had to do most of the talking. Finally he was able to pull up in front of the quaint cafe, after what had seemed like eons of silence. Trying his best to be a gentleman, Kaji quickly leapt out of the car and opened the door for Rei, helping her out.

            Unable to control the reaction, Rei blushed slightly, but otherwise said nothing, allowing her escort to assist her and then politely disengaging her hand from his. Kaji also opened the screen door of the restaurant for Rei; it was by no means an elegant establishment, but it was clean, the service was friendly, the portions were generous, the prices were reasonable, and most importantly, the wait staff was cute. The interior had an intriguing decor, walls made with scans of maps and newspaper, no frills booths lining the walls, with a long counter at the back wall where orders were placed and some people sat enjoying themselves. Kaji showed Rei to a booth in a corner, next to a large window that captured the essence of Tokyo-3 at night like a painting. 

            A cute young waitress with long brown hair and matching eyes smiled as she placed two menus on the table. "Would you like anything to drink?"

            "Coffee will suit me just fine, and perhaps a glass of water. Rei?"

            "Water." Kaji's charge spoke softly, and the young waitress parted quickly. 

            The menus, as they were, consisted of little more than a thin piece of cardboard, the selections typed on both sides and the whole piece laminated. "Their grilled chicken salad is very good here, Rei. This was one of the first places I ate at after coming back to Japan, it was a late night and I needed something in a hurry. I highly recommend it. In fact, I think I'll have one myself." He smiled.

            "But I-"

            "Ah yes, you're a vegetarian."

            "You knew?" Rei felt surprised, she had no idea that Kaji would know anything about her eating habits. Why should he?

            "It's in your file. Don't look too surprised. Pretty basic stuff, it's very low-level classification, just high enough to keep anyone who wouldn't be interacting with you out. Shinji and Asuka have files too, you know. Basic observations on their behavior and hobbies, their likes and dislikes. Kaji smiled. "Don't worry, it's not like I've got access to your medical record or psychiatric history."

            "If you knew that I dislike meat, why did you suggest  what you did?"

            "Simple, so I can pull the meat off of yours and get a double helping with my order. Clever, huh?"

            Rei found herself doing something she hadn't done in a long time. She smiled, ever so slightly, just a slight upturn at the corner of her lips. If Kaji hadn't been looking, he might not have noticed it. But perhaps this evening would be more interesting now, she was finally feeling less uncomfortable around him. "I see." Rei managed, curious now about her escort's nature.

            "So...." Kaji tried to strike up an actual conversation. "Major Katsuragi and Doctor Akagi, they were behaving rather strangely tonight, don't you think?"

            Rei pondered this for a moment. "I do not understand why they would take the trouble of going out to dinner, only to walk out before even ordering any food."

            "Ah!" Kaji giggled a bit. "As we guys would say, 'women.'"

            "I do not understand."

            "I'll try to explain. I hope I don't cause you any offense.....let's see, well, men and women are fundamentally different, right? I mean, besides the obvious physical differences. Now, take men. Men have a habit of oversimplifying things. Most men like to take complex problems and relate them in the simplest terms possible. Women, on the other hand, tend to do exactly the opposite, drawing things out and making mountains out of molehills. This is one of the biggest obstacles men and women have in relating to each other. Amusingly enough, neither side uses a method that's very practical. But to simplify in typical "guy" fashion, I guess you could say that men tend to see things in simple black and white, while women see black, white, and countless shades of gray. I don't know if this means anything to you." Rei absorbed his words and continued to stare at Kaji, saying nothing. "Ah, when you get right down to it, maybe everyone's just a little crazy. I like your style, you know that Rei? You're not always screaming to get your point out to someone. You're not out to prove anything."

            "I am who I am. Other people's opinions of me mean very little."

            "Is that how you prefer it? I realize that interacting with others, gender regardless, isn't always easy. In fact, I understand why you might not even consider it worth your time except in situations where it's necessary, but it's really no way to live your life. If you just sit around all the time contemplating vast truths and never sharing anything with anyone, then there really isn't much point to the whole being human routine, is there? Trust me on this one, it's just something I've picked up over the years." Kaji sighed. "I'm sure you've been wondering why I have this sudden interest in you, rightfully so. It's not really anymore special than my concern for Shinji and Asuka, but it's there. Sometimes the three of you look like you're carrying the world around on your shoulders. Now I know you all have different circumstances.....Eva is really the only major thing you have in common, but I guess I just want to let you kids know that I remember what it was like to be fourteen, quite well, actually. Now, Asuka always talks to me about various things, but that's just because of her, ah, infatuation with me. Shinji and I have talked a few times too. I'd like to be someone you can talk to as well, about anything you want. I'd keep things completely off-the-record, of course, and confidential as well. I don't expect you to tell me your whole life story, I'm just offering an ear, no strings attached."

            Rei found herself blushing and looked away. "I will. . .consider you offer."

            "Great!" Kaji smiled, pushing thoughts of guilt to the back of his mind. _So what if I may also glean some information that brings me closer to the truth? Isn't that my right?_ The cute waitress returned, two tall glasses of water and a mug on her tray, a coffee pot in her other hand. "May I take your order?" she smiled. Kaji ordered for both of them, two grilled chicken salads, one with the meat on the side. He slid the girl a knowing look, letting that hint of a twinkle play there momentarily, perhaps the same one that had hooked Misato all those years ago, he was no longer certain. Everyone of the opposite sex that had come after her seemed to dim in comparison, and he had found he didn't have the strength for anything beyond rather short and flirtatious relationships. For over a year after Misato had gone, her absence had been like an open wound. That was one of the reasons he had taken to caring for Asuka back in Germany, years later. It had been like his own form of redemption, moving past Misato through a sort of pseudo-fatherhood. Perhaps Katsuragi had found her own vindication by taking on Shinji, and later Asuka. He didn't really know. But now that circumstances found them together again, he had an aching desire to pick up where they had left off. 

            Kaji grunted, bringing himself out of his reverie and back to the woman at hand. "That's fine, Rei. You think about it, and you can talk to me another time if you like. For now, I'm simply content to share the evening with a lovely lady such as yourself."

            Rei did not blush, she was becoming accustomed to Kaji's flirtatious nature. Rather, she was reminded of the inquiries she had originally intended to make. "You wish me to be company for you. Why?"

            Kaji started, setting his mug of coffee down on the table. "Why? Well, I'm intrigued by you Rei. I know a bit about Shinji and Asuka, I've spent some time with them both, as you know, especially the latter." Kaji rolled his eyes, remembering how many times Asuka had come onto him, openly, sometimes even in public, making him look despicable. She came off as so precocious sometimes, fourteen going on twenty-four. It was nice to get a little change from that, Rei was very much the opposite. She was unique, and that was what had inspired his new effort to get to know her, much more so than the prospects of learning any secrets could have. There was definitely something special about her, and Kaji had come to hope that in knowing her, he would be able to find some peace. For too long he had been haunted, by his past, by Katsuragi, by all the times in his life where he zigged when he should have zagged. He needed some comfort, some release. He now hoped to find it in Rei, although he had no doubt that rekindling his old romance with Misato would also be just what the doctor ordered. But there was no denying something intriguing about Rei, some sort of inner truth he couldn't shake the feeling she held within her. Maybe it was just her closed personality, putting foolish ideas into his head. Whatever the case, he knew that he had to be careful with her. Ikari would likely watch any interaction he had with her closely, so caution would have to rule the day.

            "Something else?" The waiter inquired.

            "Yes. We'd like to see the beverage menu." Asuka offered. The waiter pulled a small menu out of his vest, handing it to the girl. Asuka thumbed through it quickly, double-checking to ensure the bar offered her drink of choice. "Bring us two raspberry daiquiris please." The waiter's response was to look down his nose at Asuka. "Non-alcoholic!" she shouted, and the man was quickly on his way. "That went well" Asuka smiled.

            "Yeah, I guess so. So, Kaji got you into these?"

            "Yeah, he liked to go out for dinner a lot, and he usually drank, though not like Misato. He was always able to drive when we left. But he never wanted me to feel left out, so he'd get me the virgin variety. The restaurants used to love me. They can charge the same place as a regular drink without putting in costly alcohol. I wish I could actually live with him!"

            "Is his place any nicer?"

            "I haven't seen much of it here. I don't get to see him very much since we came to Japan. It's really aggravating!"

            "I'm sorry."

            "Yeah, how did I know?!" Asuka rolled her eyes, Shinji inwardly winced.

            "I guess I just feel a little weird. Misato and Dr. Akagi made such a scene when they left, I feel like people are sitting here, judging me."

            "So what if they are? They should be grateful to dine in my presence! You and I, hell even Wondergirl, we save this stupid city on a regular basis. This meal should be on the house! But do we get the respect we deserve? No! We get treated like leftover liver and onions. We don't even get treated that well down at NERV! I swear, Shinji, someday I'm going to write a book."

            "Will I be in it?"

            "Yes, you idiot, you'll be in it. You'll be the moron who I'm always pulling out of trouble!"

            "Oh, okay." Somehow, Shinji figured that Asuka's accounts as told in her book would be history as only Orwell could write it. Did this mean he'd have to write his own book to set the record straight? Probably, but it might be fun. Maybe he could express in words his feelings on the situations he was forced into, his father. He'd like to talk about his friends. Shinji thought better of expressing anything regarding Asuka beyond professional relations in the book. He didn't much feel like dying young, and getting in an Eva was a definitely a High-risk behavior. Deliberately seeking out the wrath of Sohryu was not something he was up for. Shinji sighed, knowing that their meal should be coming soon. He needed something else to focus his attention on. After all, he finally had Asuka alone, in a classy place, and she was dressed up. Now that he had her where he wanted her, just what the hell was he going to do with her?

Congratulations, I have returned! And this time, it'll be a lot more frequently. In fact, it's now 2003, and I've dedicated myself to 1 chapter per month this year. What you've just read is the first. With any luck, this means I'll be able to finish the entire book sometime this year. I enjoyed writing this more than usual, I truly felt a flash of inspiration. Maybe it's the encouragement I got from others to get off my lazy ass and write, I dunno.

Shout-outs to Reizig and Leper for riding my ass, Random for my daily dose, and Karina for getting me through those times when I felt totally blocked. If I left anyone out, well, thanks to you too. So now that I've got this chapter a month thing going on, what's next? You figure it out! I sent some subplots going. And the main plot? What about? I'm going somewhere with it. No, really. Honest! 

So this is the end of the file. Thanks for a lovely time, we'll do it again in 30. Maybe sooner, who knows. I'm inspired lately, so I've kind of found my Second Wind. We'll see what happens.

Lord Malachite

1/21/03

Latinum Lasts Longer Than Lust


	13. Hunger

Round Perdition's Flames

Part XI

Hunger 

****

"Just say die,

And that would be pessimistic.

In your mind

We can walk across water.

Please don't cry,

It's just a prayer for the dying

I just don't know what's got into me."

                        --Seal

                        "Prayer For The Dying"

--Saturday--

            "You see, Shinji, I always get what I want." Asuka smiled as she took a long sip of her raspberry daiquiri (sans-alcohol) and let her tongue roll across a gob of whip creme that had made a journey up her straw. 

            "It's......different. I've never really tried anything like this before." Shinji remarked hesitantly. Raspberry, Shinji found, had a duality to it, producing an effect that tasted both sweet and tart. He did not dislike it, but he also saw that it took a little getting used to. And to think, people put alcohol in drinks like this? You wouldn't be able to taste it. If a person didn't have an alcohol tolerance that rivaled Misato's, they could get themselves into real trouble if they weren't paying attention.

            "It's been too long since I've had something nice like this. Living in Japan is going to kill my culture...not to mention my palate."

            "Well, if there's anything you can teach me, I'd be open to experimenting a little in the kitchen, Asuka. I know the ingredients to cook the kind of foods you're used to probably aren't all that easy to come by in Japan, but I'm sure there must be something I can do for you. There's nothing worse than not being able to feel at home."

            "I only know how to make simple things, but I suppose I could try to show you how to do something. I didn't spend very much time preparing my meals when I was in college. Classes kept me busy. I ended up visiting the cafeteria a lot. Sometimes on a Sunday I would bake myself a little treat to munch on during the week while studying though."

            "I've never really thought of that before. Sounds nice."

            "Yeah. It would be nice if you'd make us a little something to snack on during the week. It'd be a lot better than the instant crap Misato keeps lying around. And I've really had my fill of Pocky and lychee cups."

            "Okay, you teach me, and I'll be willing."

            "All right then." Asuka felt startled as a hot plate of food was set in front of her, and another quickly followed suit in front of Ikari.

            "Please enjoy your meal." The arrogant waiter bowed without pretense, then left.

            "I will as long as it's good." Asuka muttered, placing her napkin on her lap. She had to admit, the rib did look good and tender, not of low quality. Whoever had prepared it seemed to have rather confident abilities. Asuka mentally increased her rating of the restaurant as she took her first bite. The incredible taste almost made her forget about the rude wait staff, if all the entrees were of this magnitude, it was worth the earlier frustration. In a most unladylike manner, Asuka cut, masticated, and swallowed piece by piece of the meat. Shinji watched with big eyes as Asuka's serving rapidly dwindled in size.  Oh yes, she felt a need to return here as soon as time allowed. Somewhere in the back of Asuka's mind, she knew she wasn't being a very good ambassador for etiquette, but she choked that part of her gone. Kaji was gone, as was everyone else except Shinji. There just wasn't anyone left to impress. If it weren't for the exceptional food, Asuka would be thoroughly vexed at that thought. To think she had wasted one of her perfect outfits for nothing! She would get Kaji for this somehow, and Misato too. Not to mention Dr. Akagi. It wasn't fair! 

            Shinji quickly decided it would be best to try and keep up with his "date," lest she complain about him holding them up later. He found himself eating a bit faster than he was accustomed to, but his stomach didn't mind at all, considering the meager offerings he had presented it in the last 24 hours. It wasn't a terribly complicated meal, but he still found in enjoyable. Besides, Shinji had eaten Misato's cooking once—ergo anything was a step up. Even some of the things that found their way into Pen-Pen's dish looked more appetizing, given the choice between Misato's cooking and penguin chow...

            That line of thought was interrupted by Asuka as she set her fork down and took a generous sip from her daiquiri. "You seem to be enjoying yourself." Shinji smiled at her.

            "Good food is good food, Shinji. Eating is one of those simple pleasures that all of us get to partake in. A good meal and a hot bath can often wash away the memories of a lousy day. I should eat out more often…" Asuka mused.

            "Where are you going to get the money? Kaji?"

            "Of course. He's the primary source for my funds. I love to go shopping with him! Besides, I never tire of his company, and he hasn't paid enough attention to me since I came to Japan."

            "You and Kaji seem to have a close bond. That must be nice." The statement was a half-truth. While Shinji wished that the red-head wasn't so enraptured with the older man, he did envy her having someone she could talk to. Absent mindedly, Shinji began to wonder if Kaji would be a sounding board to his own problems. He had a lot of complications in his life, after all. But he wouldn't know where to start. Surely, talking with someone like Kaji would be easier than to some psychologist, he just wanted advice, not a bunch of crap about sexual repression.

            _Not as nice as I'd like it to be_, Asuka thought to herself. "We spent a lot of time together in Germany." Asuka volunteered, but offered nothing else on the subject.

            "Oh. That must have been nice. I used to live with my teacher but we weren't very close at all. And my father and I don't really get along. All I really have is Misato."

            "Mmmm." Asuka mouthed thoughtfully. Why had he said all those stupid things? Asuka couldn't possibly care! An uncomfortable silence passed between the two of them for several moments. Twice Asuka almost ventured a comment, but then she decided to remain quiet. She then found a sudden renewed interest in her entrée, and Shinji followed suit. Shinji was grateful, he didn't think he could say anything else that wouldn't make him sound like a fool. He never should've brought something personal up with Asuka, he knew better! It was then that Asuka said something Shinji never thought he would hear her say.

            Rei looked intently at the man across from her as he poured water from a carafe into their respective glasses, then began adding cream and sugar to his coffee. Rei still wasn't sure what to think of Kaji. His sudden interest in her was still a little jarring, especially since she was finding her own feelings on the subject intriguing. She began to see why Pilot Sohryu was so attracted to the man, he seemed very kind and full of confidence. There was something very...warming about that thought. Confident, much like the way Commander Ikari carried himself. But unlike the Commander, Kaji didn't retain any coldness within him. He was open and warm, and he had come to her with an open hand of empathy. He knew a bit about her as well, but not so much that her privacy would have been invaded. _Privacy. _The thought was the mental equivalent of a snort. She had no privacy, but she did not desire it either. Her entire life had been planned out for her before she had ever been born. Again, she sighed inwardly. Someone like Kaji could never relate to that. She absently wished that someone could, communicating with others wasn't easy for her, especially when she often found herself without a common frame of reference. Even the people she knew best, her fellow pilots, had little in common with her outside of Eva.

            "You aren't like the other NERV employees." Rei found herself venturing.

            "I'm not? Well, I'm not completely wrapped up in my work, no. I have a great respect for what I do, and always have a hunger to learn more, but no matter the job, moderation is the key. Unless it's absolutely imperative, I try to avoid thinking about my work when I leave for the day. A fellow can go crazy that way. Sometimes I just need to get away, not think about it for a few hours. Then I'm refreshed in the morning and itching to do some work. Maybe it's just human conditioning." Kaji grinned. "What about you Rei, I notice you keep an odd schedule, sometimes at NERV, sometimes at school, do you ever feel disoriented?

            "Not really." Rei commented. "I go where I am ordered to. Commander Ikari and Dr. Ikari would not pull me out of school if they didn't feel it were necessary. The work we accomplish is for our future, a future for all humanity. I do not feel that missing a few lectures is an unfair price."

            "Yikes, there's a serious thought." Kaji parried. "Don't you ever do anything for yourself?"

            "Such as?"

            "Life is short, and you're still young yet, Rei! Have you ever thought about taking a walk? Or reading a book? Or maybe just standing on a balcony and looking out over the city. Fresh air can be nice. And everyone needs a hobby, even I have one. Perhaps you can come visit me sometime and I'll show you."

            Rei blushed but forced her way beyond the feelings Kaji's last statement had brought up in her. "I do not wish to inconvenience you."  

            "Nonsense, it wouldn't be an inconvenience at all. I told you, I just wanted to be a sounding board for you. But I think you need to stop and smell the roses, Ayanami. You work very hard for the Commander, and that's great, but you must learn to relax a bit more. When it isn't an emergency, you shouldn't feel like you are at everyone's beck and call. I'm not saying you should disobey Commander Ikari, or Dr. Akagi, or anyone. I just think that you should be allowed some time for yourself. Too often I see you there at least as long as Ritsuko, if not longer. That woman doesn't take well enough care of herself, I'd hate to see one of our star Eva Pilots in poor health."

            "My health is fine. I'm fine, really. You should not worry about me."

            "It's more concern than worry. I think you're perfectly capable of taking care of yourself. I'd just like to see you always at your best. You have so much potential Rei, as do all the Children. You shouldn't underestimate yourself. Pardon me for being forward, but I'd be very much interested to know what you'd like to do after the business with the Angels is completed. Assuming we're on the winning side of the conflict." Kaji added.

            "I-I. . .I hadn't considered the possibility." Rei tried to explain in a way he could understand. How could she tell him that there was no future for her, not once Ikari called her to him. Not once the drop rejoins the ocean. 

            "Consider, then." Kaji smiled. "Life is full of a multitude of surprises—trust me on this one. You never know where it may take you. You can spend your whole life with only one simple goal in mind and never reach it.....or you might find something even greater on your path towards it. Never lose sight of the mystery, Rei."

            "The mystery?" 

            "The mystery of life. Because once your able to embrace it for what it is, ah, that's when things really change for you."

            "I'm afraid I don't understand."

            "Don't worry, I think that you will, in time." His response to this remark came from the cute waitress, holding two deep, wide, oval bowls on a tray.

            "Two grilled chicken salads, one with the meat on the side, right?"

            "Absolutely." Kaji grinned. 

            "Would you like any dressing?"

            "Oh, I think I could be persuaded to try a nice vinaigrette. What about you, Rei?"

            "I will try what you are putting on your salad." Rei explained.

            'Thanks for the vote of confidence. I do try to make it a habit never to disappoint a lady.

            "I'll be right back then!" The waitress smiled adoringly at Kaji, then hurried back into the kitchen. The girl had a good ethic to her—fast and prompt service was usually rewarded with a generous tip. Being cute didn't hurt either, especially with hair as long as hers...Kaji decided to terminate that line of thought before he hopelessly distracted himself from the matter at hand. He was about to start a fresh topic with his "date," when the waitress made her lightning fast return. "Here you are!" she smiled, gently placing a large bottle of vinaigrette on the table, along with a basket of bread. "I thought you might enjoy a little something else with the salads."

            "Thank you, Ah......I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name."

            The girl blushed. "Sayori. Don't hesitate to call if you need anything else!"

            "You'll be the first to know." Kaji passed another winning grin to Sayori, and she bowed to hide her face, quickly darting away, and leaving Kaji's attentions for another. "So Rei, I hear that you don't get out much. . ."

            Misato raised her arm out for another glass, bumping one of the many empty bottles and shot glasses in front of her. She wasn't working tomorrow unless there was an emergency, and she was resolved not to get up until she was drunk enough to forget about Kaji for the rest of the night, or at least until she couldn't hold her pee in anymore. The Blossom's Fall wasn't one of her regular places to get drunk. Actually, it was one of the only hotels in the city. She had seen that it housed a restaurant though, and what looked to be a decent bar. Chasing down each shot of tequila with a mixed drink seemed to lessen the shock to her system, not to say that she was an amateur when it came to Grandpa's cough medicine. She wasn't lying to herself, she only got this drunk when she wanted to forget about her life, even for a little while. Too often she felt as though she were on a treadmill. The humorous yet morbid image of Commander Ikari winding a spring in her back played across her mind's eye for a moment. Yes, she had definitely been working too hard, wading through a pile of paperwork larger than the Japanese government turned out annually. She owed this to herself. She did.

            She sighed, wondering where Ritsuko had run off to when she had left. "Probably to go bury herself in her work." Misato mumbled, brightening up when a fresh shot of tequila, along with a rum and coke, were placed in front of her. Too many secrets were being kept lately, and Commander Ikari was absent more than he was present. He wasn't her favorite person in the world, but when neither Commander Ikari nor Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki were around, the hardest decisions often fell to her. Decisions that could return to bite her in the ass if she wasn't careful. The attack of the Seventh Angel, wherein Kaji had come up with a way to save her job, suddenly came to mind. Damned if she wasn't finding herself drawn to him! Why did the jerk have to put her in his debt? And yet. . .it meant he still cared about her. That was the trouble with Kaji. She couldn't blow him off as some guy just trying to get into her pants—she had definitely been the sexually aggressive one when they were together. Besides, much as she disliked him, he was still good looking. If he was just looking for another girl to have sex, he wouldn't waste his time on her. "Dammit." Misato muttered, downing her rum and coke in 3 quick sips. "He wants something from me." She opened a green cocktail umbrella and twirled it between her fingers. Kaji wanted something from her. He always did have his own motivations, just like her father. Still, he was above using her. Despite everything that had passed between them, she knew he wouldn't try to manipulate her. Even if he did try, they both new she was too smart for that crap. Had he really come all this way to try and rekindle things with her? It didn't seem possible. Her assignment to Tokyo-3 was no secret. If he had been that desperate, he would've sought her out sooner. And he hadn't exactly laid on the charm when they met on _Over The Rainbow_. He had openly questioned her chastity in front of two of the Children! So what was his game then? She saw him with some frequency at NERV Headquarters. He strutted around like he owned the place half the time, and if it bothered Commander Ikari one bit, the man wasn't saying, or even inferring. Those who upset the Commander had a tendency to either straighten up and fly right at warp speed, or else they would be transferred faster than their heads could spin. Something about him had changed, since the times they were in college. She didn't fault him that—she had changed as well. Ritsuko was probably the most like her younger self, but the girl didn't get out much. To think she accused both Rei and Commander Ikari of not being good at living! Ritsuko seemed to prefer her cats to human beings. Their responses were more predictable and comforting. Misato briefly wondered with the good Doctor was in need of some good sex, then wiped the thought from her mind. She was not **that** drunk. At least, not yet. Misato flushed, and she gathered herself by downing the shot of tequila, clearing her mind of the most unwanted imagery. Although she couldn't recall seeing Ritsuko with a man since college, and even then, Akagi had had few boyfriends. And she never seemed to get very involved with them. How many times had she run and left Ritsuko all alone, so that she could spend time with Kaji? A gripping sense of shame began to wash over, mixed with anger. Nonsense. Why should she feel any guilt? If Ritsuko had trouble finding herself boyfriends, that was her problem! Still, the guilt persisted. What did it say of her if she hadn't even noticed Ritsuko's solitude until just now? Hadn't she just been thinking that the woman preferred cats to people? Yeah, some friend she was. 

            All right, enough was enough. She had been running from Kaji for too long. She should've listened to him, Ritsuko too. She was being a child, and she had even made a scene in front of Shinji and Asuka. Way to undermine her own authority over those two around the apartment! Ah well. There was that wedding coming up, a good opportunity for some free booze at the reception. She could talk to him then, clear a few things up. Who knows, maybe it could even be interesting. 

            "You're kidding, right?" Shinji asked.

            "Well if you're not up to it. . ." Asuka trailed off.

            "But why?"

            "Because it'll be interesting. Or are you scared?"

            "No, I just figured you wouldn't want me to know anything about you."

            "The information I end up giving out won't be worth all that much, trust me. But not here. We'll play later. I think I'd rather have some ice cream first."

            "Oh right, that place you said you know."

            "Yeah." Asuka slurped to the bottom of her daiquiri. "Let's go there. The walk will do me some good. You're a little scrawny yourself."

            "I can't help it."

            "Yeah, right. But it's better to be a nerd than a jock, I suppose. You're got an extra microcosm or two more brainpower than most of those idiots at school have."

            "I've never been good at sports."

            "Too many people into that scene are phony, Shinji. The university I went to was full of them. Like because they could kick a ball into a goal, they were entitled to see all the girls in school naked. Idiotic perverts!"

            "What about swimming? Ayanami could probably make the swim team."

            "Swim teams exist to give the guys and girls something to ogle, Shinji. And don't even try to tell me your favorite spectator sport isn't girls' volleyball."

            "I. . .don't usually watch, although I know Toji and Kensuke usually go to the games."

            "See, I told you."

            "I said I didn't go!"

            "And that's supposed to impress me? You hang out with guys who do. Guilt by association!"

            "I don't think I've ever seen you impressed, Asuka." Shinji stood up then, leaving the wad of yen that Kaji had given him on the table to settle the bill. "Come on, we'd better get going before that ice cream place closes."

            "Just what the hell was that supposed to mean?"

            "Nothing!"

            Asuka wanted to scream, but she refused to give Shinji the satisfaction. "You've been getting pretty brave lately, Third Child. So what's your story?"

            "If you want to know, ask me later, like we agreed."

            "And you'll just up and tell me. Just like that?"

            "We'll see." Shinji knew he was playing a dangerous game, standing up to her, but he figured he had to do something to prove he wasn't a wimp, or he had less than no chance. And he couldn't bring himself to abide that. He refused to ruin things for himself by doing something stupid. If he was going to fail, he wanted it to be because it just wasn't meant to be. If there was one thing Shinji didn't like, it was regret. Too many missed opportunities in his life, and Asuka could easily become just another one. If there was a way he could somehow end up with her, he was certain she would turn his life in a whole new direction. He just had to hold on for dear life and refuse to give up—the girl was by every means a bucking bronco! Not for the first time, Shinji was filled with a sense of awe, directed inwardly. Never before had something or someone meant so much to him. Yet he still didn't feel like he was in love with Asuka, there was too much he didn't know about her, about himself. Maybe it was more of an attachment he felt to her, at least at the moment. But he wanted to know more. The idea was a little scary, but it also felt. . .right, somehow, and that made him smile. If Asuka noticed, she refrained from saying anything, and Shinji was free to revel in his moment, however brief.

************************************************************************

Yes, I know this chapter was several days late. Fear not, this technically is the February chapter, not the March one. You'll still get one of those, with any luck, on time, towards the end of the month. This chapter is shorter than the typical one, I know, my intent is to remedy that situation next time out. But I indulged myself a bit in recent chapters and the story was slightly off track—I wanted to just put the main players in a certain place this time. Next update, everything will be on track.

Despite the fact that this chapter wasn't really planned, I still felt it had some good moments in it, although it definitely wasn't my finest moment in this story. All in all, I felt that this outing was a "workhorse," although I tried to get a fair amount of speculation in. Strictly FYI, the APV of this chapter is exactly the same as this version, so you're not missing any footage on this update. I've been lazy about looking for a home for my APV, but in the meantime, they are still available. Try contacting me on AIM, I'm Asukaphile26. Or e-mail me at:   ranger_writer@yahoo.com

I like to think that I've got some fun stuff that will start coming down the pipes next time out. For my loyal fans that have been wondering where the hell I'm going with this thing, well, after all this time, we'll take our first major step. You'll just have to see for yourself.

Lastly, a shout-out to Random for reminding me of the power of laziness, and to joedoebell, just for the hell of it. Also, you can hear Lord Malachite every week on "The No Name Sci-Fi Show," point your browsers to www.mistrust.com/slave to check us out. 

3/06/03

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished.


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